You’re standing at the base of something huge. It’s heavy. It’s jagged. It’s blocking every single path you want to take toward the life you keep saying you want. Most people look at that obstacle and start blaming their boss, their ex, or just plain bad luck. But Brianna Wiest dropped a truth bomb in her book The Mountain Is You that most of us are still trying to digest: that massive, immovable object isn't out there in the world.
It’s you.
It’s your own brain trying to protect you from things it hasn't quite figured out how to handle yet.
Honestly, self-sabotage is just a really bad coping mechanism that feels like it's doing you a favor. When you procrastinate on that big project, you aren't being "lazy." You're avoiding the potential of being judged or failing. When you pick a fight with a partner the second things get "too good," you aren't "difficult." You’re just terrified of being vulnerable and getting hurt later. Wiest argues that we don't do things that hurt us for no reason. Everything we do serves a purpose. Even the self-destructive stuff.
The Weird Logic of Standing in Your Own Way
Why do we do it?
If you ask a scientist like Dr. Judson Brewer about habit loops, he’d tell you that your brain is wired for survival, not necessarily for "happiness." Your brain loves what is familiar because familiar means "I survived this yesterday, so I’ll probably survive it today." Growth? Growth is scary. Growth is unknown. To your subconscious, the unknown is a predator in the bushes.
In The Mountain Is You, the central argument is that self-sabotage is what happens when your subconscious needs aren't being met by your conscious actions.
Think about it this way. You want to lose weight (conscious goal). But you also use food to soothe the crushing anxiety of your job (subconscious need). Until you find a different way to handle that anxiety, you are going to keep eating the cake. The cake isn't the problem. The unresolved anxiety is. You’re using a "mountain" of behavior to hide a "mountain" of unaddressed emotion.
We often think of "rock bottom" as a tragedy. It’s not. It’s an awakening. It’s the moment the pain of staying the same finally outweighs the fear of changing.
Breaking the Upper Limit Problem
Ever noticed how some people get a promotion and immediately blow the money? Or they find a great relationship and start acting out? Gay Hendricks calls this the "Upper Limit Problem." We all have an internal thermostat for how much joy, success, and love we think we deserve. When we exceed that setting, we start sabotaging ourselves to get back down to our "comfort zone."
Even if that zone is miserable.
It's cozy because it's known.
Wiest suggests that to move the mountain, you have to build a new "set point." You have to teach your nervous system that it is safe to be happy. That it is safe to be seen. That it is safe to have more than you’ve had before. This isn't just "positive thinking." It’s literally rewiring your brain’s response to stress and success.
Building Your Emotional Intelligence (The Hard Way)
You can't think your way out of a mountain. You have to feel your way through it.
Most of us spend our lives running from "bad" feelings. We scroll, we drink, we work, we distract. But those feelings are actually data. Anger tells you where your boundaries are being crossed. Sadness tells you what you cared about. Anxiety tells you where you feel unprepared.
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If you want to stop being your own obstacle, you have to start listening to the noise.
- Release the past: You aren't who you were five minutes ago.
- Intuition vs. Fear: Fear is loud, frantic, and repetitive. Intuition is quiet, calm, and usually only says things once.
- The Power of Small: You don't climb a mountain in one leap. You do it by moving one rock at a time.
If you’re waiting for a "sign" to change, this is it. But the sign isn't a burning bush. It’s the fact that you’re tired of your own excuses. It’s the realization that your current life is too small for the person you’re becoming.
Why Your Inner Narrative is a Liar
We tell ourselves stories. "I'm not the kind of person who succeeds." "I always get dumped." "I'm just bad with money." These aren't facts. They’re scripts. And honestly? They’re lazy scripts.
The work described in The Mountain Is You involves looking at those scripts and asking: Who told me this? Usually, it was a parent, a teacher, or a mean kid in third grade. Why are you still letting an eight-year-old run your adult life?
Changing the narrative is clunky. It feels fake at first. It’s supposed to. You’re learning a new language. You wouldn't expect to speak fluent French in a day, so why do you expect to have a new self-image in a week?
Actionable Steps to Get Out of Your Own Way
Reading a book or an article is "passive action." It feels like you’re doing something, but you aren't. Real action is uncomfortable. It’s gritty.
If you actually want to move your personal mountain, here is what you need to do right now. Don't wait for Monday. Don't wait until you "feel ready." You will never feel ready.
1. Identify your "Why" for Sabotage.
Look at the one area of your life that is a mess. Ask yourself: What does staying in this mess protect me from? If you’re single and lonely, maybe staying single protects you from the risk of a devastating breakup. Acknowledge the protection. Thank your brain for trying to help. Then tell it you’ve got it from here.
2. Stop Seeking Catharsis.
A lot of people think they need a big, emotional breakthrough to change. They want to scream into a pillow or have a dramatic crying session. While that feels good, it doesn't change habits. Habits are changed by the boring, repetitive choices you make when nobody is watching. Choose the salad. Write the email. Sit in the silence.
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3. Audit Your Environment.
If your mountain is made of "distractions," look at your phone. Look at your friends. If you’re surrounded by people who love to complain, you’re going to keep complaining. You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. It’s a cliché because it’s true.
4. Practice Radical Responsibility.
Everything in your life is your "fault." Not in a shameful way, but in an empowering way. If it’s your fault, you can fix it. If it’s the economy’s fault, or your mom’s fault, you’re stuck until the economy or your mom changes. Good luck with that. Take the power back by admitting you’re the one holding the shovel.
5. Anticipate the "Extinction Burst."
When you start changing, your brain will panic. It will throw every doubt, fear, and craving at you to get you to go back to "normal." This is called an extinction burst. It’s actually a sign that you’re winning. When the mountain starts crumbling, it makes a lot of noise. Don't let the noise scare you back into the cave.
The truth is, you’ve been building this mountain for years. It’s made of every "no" you said to yourself. It’s made of every time you stayed silent when you should have spoken up. Moving it isn't about strength; it's about consistency. You don't have to be a hero. You just have to be a person who refuses to stand still anymore.
The mountain isn't there to stop you. It’s there to show you how strong you have to become to get over it.
Start by picking up one small stone.
Put it somewhere else.
Then do it again tomorrow.