If you’ve ever sat on a living room floor trying to get a toddler to look at a wooden block, you know that "communication" isn't just about the words. It’s about the connection. For parents of children on the autism spectrum or those with social communication delays, the More Than Words book—officially titled More Than Words: A Parent's Guide to Building Interaction and Language Skills for Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder or Social Communication Difficulties—is basically the gold standard.
It's not just some textbook. It's a lifeline written by Fern Sussman and published by The Hanen Centre.
People often think speech therapy is about teaching a kid to say "apple" or "more." It isn't. Not really. It’s about the back-and-forth. That's where this book thrives. It focuses on the "pre-verbal" stuff—the eye contact, the pointing, the shared smiles—that happens long before a child ever utters a syllable.
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What the More Than Words Book Actually Teaches You (It’s Not Just Vocabulary)
The core philosophy here is surprisingly simple: you are your child's best teacher. Think about it. A therapist might see a kid for an hour a week. You see them for every meal, every bath, and every meltdown. The More Than Words book flips the script by training the parent instead of just "fixing" the child.
One of the first things you'll run into is the concept of "People Games." These are activities like Peek-a-boo or "I'm gonna get you!" where the fun depends entirely on the person, not a toy. Why does this matter? Because toys can be predictable. People are dynamic. If a child learns to love the interaction with you, they’re learning the foundation of all human social behavior.
Finding Your Child's "Stage"
The book breaks children down into four stages of communication. This isn't about labeling; it’s about meeting them where they are.
First, there’s the Own Agenda stage. This is where the child seems to be in their own world. They might play alone and rarely try to communicate with others. Then you have the Requester stage, where they’ve realized that people are useful for getting things, like a juice box or a favorite toy. After that comes the Early Communicator stage—this is where things get exciting—where they start to use gestures or single words to actually share an interest. Finally, there’s the Partner stage, where more complex, albeit still developing, conversation happens.
Honestly, identifying which stage your child is in changes everything. It stops you from trying to teach a "Requester" how to tell a story. You focus on the next logical step.
Why The "OWL" Strategy Is a Game Changer
You’ll hear this acronym everywhere in the Hanen world: OWL.
Observe, Wait, and Listen.
It sounds easy. It is incredibly hard. As parents, we are wired to "help." We see our kid struggling to reach a ball and we grab it for them. We see them staring at a dog and we say, "Look, a doggie! Can you say doggie?" We fill the silence.
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The More Than Words book tells you to shut up. Well, more politely than that.
By waiting—counting to ten in your head if you have to—you give the child the space to initiate. When you wait, you create a vacuum that the child feels a need to fill. Maybe they point. Maybe they make a sound. Maybe they just look at you. That’s a win. That’s communication.
Moving Beyond Simple Requests
A common frustration for parents is when a child only talks to get what they want. "I want cookie." "I want iPad." It feels transactional.
Sussman’s work emphasizes social communication. This involves comments, not just requests. The book provides specific strategies for using visual aids—like schedules or choice boards—to reduce frustration. When a child knows what's coming next, their anxiety drops. When anxiety drops, their brain has more room to process social cues.
It’s also heavy on the "Four S's":
- Say less.
- Stress (emphasize important words).
- Go slow.
- Show (use visuals or gestures).
Let's Talk About the Visuals
One of the standout features of the More Than Words book is how it’s designed. It’s not dense, academic prose that makes your eyes bleed after a long day of parenting. It is packed with illustrations.
These aren't just for decoration. They show you exactly what "getting face-to-face" looks like. It sounds obvious, but getting down on the floor so you are at eye level with your child is one of the most powerful things you can do. It makes you part of their world rather than a giant hovering over it.
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The book also dives deep into sensory preferences. Does your child love spinning? Do they hate loud noises? Do they need to crash into pillows to feel regulated? Understanding these "sensory diets" helps you time your communication practice for when they are in a "just right" state of alertness.
Real-World Application: The "SPARK" Method
Another acronym (Hanen loves these) is SPARK.
- Start the same way every time.
- Plan your child’s turn.
- Adjust the game so your child can take a turn.
- Repeat the same words and actions.
- Keep the game going.
Imagine you’re blowing bubbles. You start by saying "Ready, set..." and then you wait. You don't blow the bubbles yet. You wait for the child to look at you or make a sound. That’s their turn. Then you blow. Then you do it again. And again. Repetition is how the brain builds those neural pathways for social interaction.
Common Misconceptions About the Book
Some people think this book is only for "non-verbal" kids. That’s a mistake. Even if a child has a large vocabulary, they might struggle with the social use of language (pragmatics). They might talk "at" you rather than "with" you. The strategies in the More Than Words book apply to anyone who needs help navigating the nuances of human connection.
Another myth is that it's a "cure." It isn't. It’s a toolset. It doesn't change who the child is; it gives the parent a way to bridge the gap between their world and the child's.
Actionable Steps You Can Take Today
You don't need to finish the whole book to start. Communication happens in the cracks of the day.
- Get on their level. Literally. If they are on the rug, you are on the rug. If they are in a high chair, sit on a low stool.
- Identify their stage. Stop and watch them for 10 minutes. Are they an "Own Agenda" communicator right now, or are they "Requesting"? Adjust your expectations to match that stage.
- Practice the 'Wait'. Next time you know your child wants something, don't give it to them immediately. Hold it, look at them, and count to five. See what happens.
- Follow their lead. If they are obsessed with a spinning ceiling fan, don't try to pull them away to read a book. Talk about the fan. Point at the fan. Spin yourself. Join them where they are.
- Use Visuals. Start using simple pictures for daily routines. A picture of a bathtub means bath time. It reduces the "noise" of spoken language and provides a clear anchor for the child.
Communication is a marathon, not a sprint. The More Than Words book is essentially the training manual for the person holding the water bottle at the sidelines—you. By changing how you interact, you change the environment in which your child learns to speak, play, and connect. It’s about building a bridge, one brick at a time, using the everyday moments that most people overlook.
Implementation Guide
- Audit Your Interactions: Spend one day noticing how often you "lead" the conversation versus "following" your child's lead.
- Simplify Language: Cut your sentences down. If your child uses one word, you use two. If they use no words, you use one.
- Create Communication Temptations: Put a favorite toy in a clear container they can't open. This "forces" a social interaction because they need your help to get it.
- Stay Consistent: Pick one strategy, like "Waiting," and stick with it for a week before adding something else. Change takes time.