Let’s be real for a second. Most people think "kink" means a windowless basement in Berlin or someone wearing a latex horse mask while reciting Shakespeare. It’s a caricature. In reality, kinky stuff to try is usually way more subtle, way more psychological, and—honestly—way more fun than the internet's obsession with extreme pain would lead you to believe.
You’re here because things have gotten a bit... predictable.
That’s fine. It happens to literally everyone. But there is a massive world between "vanilla" and "total dungeon master" that most couples never even peek into because they’re afraid of looking weird. Or they think they need to spend three grand on leather gear before they can start.
You don't.
What People Get Wrong About Kink
Kink isn't actually about the equipment. It is about the brain.
In the BDSM world—which stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism—the physical act is usually just a delivery system for a feeling. That feeling might be a total loss of control, a sense of being deeply cared for, or the thrill of doing something "forbidden." If you focus on the toys first, you’re missing the point. You have to figure out what headspace you’re actually chasing.
Take sensation play, for example.
People hear that and think of whips. But sensation play is basically just hacking your nervous system. You can do that with an ice cube or a silk scarf. The "kink" part comes from the power dynamic and the anticipation. It's the difference between someone accidentally touching you with something cold and you knowing they are about to touch you with something cold while you can't move your hands.
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The Low-Stakes Kinky Stuff to Try Tonight
If you’re looking for a starting point that doesn’t require a safe word involving a specific species of tropical bird, start with sensory deprivation.
It sounds intense. It's not.
Grab a sleep mask or a soft necktie. By taking away one sense (sight), the brain immediately dials up the sensitivity of everything else. Suddenly, a whisper in your ear feels like a lightning bolt. A light touch on your inner thigh feels ten times more electric. This is the "gateway drug" of kinky stuff to try because it requires zero specialized skills and almost zero budget.
Once you've got the blindfold on, play with temperature.
I’m talking about "fire and ice" play. You don't need fancy wax (though low-temp soy candles are great if you’re careful). You just need an ice cube and a hot cup of tea. Alternate between the two. The shock to the skin forces you to be 100% present in your body. You can't think about your taxes or that weird email from your boss when your skin is reacting to a 40-degree temperature swing.
Power Dynamics: The Dominance and Submission Myth
Most people think being "submissive" means being weak. Experts in the field, like Janet Hardy (co-author of The Ethical Slut), have spent decades explaining that the "sub" actually holds a lot of the power. Why? Because they set the boundaries.
If you want to explore power, start with impact play.
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Don't go out and buy a flogger yet. Start with your hands. Over-the-knee spanking is a classic for a reason. It’s intimate, it’s rhythmic, and it builds heat in the skin that translates to arousal. The key here isn't the "pain"—it’s the "thud." There’s a psychological release in the surrender.
And look, if the idea of hitting someone feels too heavy, try language.
Verbal dominance is huge. It’s just "dirty talk" with a job description. Instead of just saying what you’re doing, try giving orders. "Don’t move." "Look at me." "Tell me what you want." It’s a shift in the hierarchy that can be incredibly liberating for people who have high-stress, "in charge" jobs during the day. This is often called "Executive Stress Relief"—the CEO who wants to be told exactly what to do for an hour so they don't have to make a single decision.
Let’s Talk About Tying People Up
Bondage is the big one. Everyone wants to try it, but everyone is terrified of doing it wrong and ending up in the ER.
Rule number one: Never use zip ties. Seriously. Just don’t. They don't stretch, they cut off circulation, and you need a knife to get them off, which is a recipe for disaster when you're slippery and naked.
If you want to explore bondage as part of your kinky stuff to try list, start with "soft" restraints.
- Velcro cuffs: Cheap, easy to rip off in an emergency.
- Cotton rope: Look for 100% cotton (like sash cord from a hardware store, just wash it first to soften it).
- The "Furniture" Method: You don't need a custom-built rack. Use the bedposts. Use the headboard.
The goal isn't to make it impossible to move. The goal is the feeling of being held. Even just holding someone's wrists above their head with one hand creates a bondage dynamic without a single piece of equipment. It’s about the implication of restraint.
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The Importance of "Aftercare"
This is the part that most "how-to" guides skip, and it’s why people have bad experiences.
Kink triggers a massive chemical dump in your brain—endorphins, oxytocin, dopamine. When the scene ends, those levels can crash. This is why you might feel suddenly sad, cold, or lonely after something intense.
Aftercare is the process of "coming down" together. It’s blankets, water, snacks, and cuddles. It’s checking in. "Are you okay? Did you like that? Do you need anything?" If you skip this, the kinky stuff to try won't feel like a fun adventure; it'll feel like a weird mistake.
Actionable Steps for Beginners
Don't try to do a full BDSM scene tonight. You'll just feel awkward and probably laugh, which—by the way—is totally fine. Humor is a great way to break the tension.
- The "Yes/No/Maybe" List: Google this. It’s a giant checklist of activities. You and your partner fill it out separately and then compare. It takes the "creepy" factor out of suggesting things because you're both looking at a piece of paper.
- Set a Safe Word: Even if you aren't doing anything "dangerous." Use a "Traffic Light" system. Green means "keep going," Yellow means "slow down/check in," and Red means "STOP IMMEDIATELY."
- Start with 10 Minutes: Dedicate a small window of time to "trying something." Maybe it's just a blindfold. Maybe it's just light spanking. When the 10 minutes are up, go back to your "normal" sex. It lowers the stakes.
- Invest in Lube: I'm not joking. Kink often involves longer sessions or different angles. Friction is your enemy. Go for a high-quality silicone-based lube if you aren't using toys, or water-based if you are.
Kink is just another way of communicating. It’s about trust. If you can trust someone enough to let them tie your hands or cover your eyes, your connection outside the bedroom is probably going to get a lot stronger too. Just keep it safe, keep it consensual, and for the love of everything holy, keep the scissors nearby if you're using rope.
Immediate Next Steps:
Download a "Yes/No/Maybe" list tonight. Sit down with your partner over a drink—not in the bedroom—and go through it. Pick one "Maybe" that you both checked and commit to trying just that one thing for ten minutes this weekend. Focus on the physical sensations and the "why" behind the act rather than the perfect execution of the "kink" itself.