It happens at Thanksgiving. Or maybe a wedding. You look across the table and see that one relative—the one everyone speaks about in hushed tones—and you realize with a jolt of pure adrenaline that you have the exact same nervous twitch. People used to call this the devil in the family. Long before we had a mapping of the human genome or a vocabulary for complex PTSD, families used "the devil" as a catch-all explanation for the patterns of destruction, addiction, and mental illness that seemed to jump from one generation to the next like a spark in a dry forest.
It’s heavy stuff.
When we talk about the devil in the family today, we aren't usually talking about literal demons. We’re talking about the weight of what we inherit. We are talking about the "identified patient" in family systems theory—that one person who expresses all the unspoken dysfunction of the entire group. Sometimes, it’s a physical ailment. Other times, it’s a personality disorder that rips through a household like a hurricane.
Honestly, it's easier to blame a supernatural force than to admit that our own bloodline might be carrying a heavy genetic or psychological load.
The Biology of the So-Called Family Curse
Science has a way of making the "devil" look a lot like a sequence of DNA. For decades, researchers have looked at why certain families seem haunted by specific "demons." Take alcoholism, for example. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) suggests that genetics account for about 50% of the risk. If your grandfather had it and your father had it, you aren't fighting a ghost; you’re fighting a biological predisposition.
But it gets weirder.
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Epigenetics is the study of how your behaviors and environment can cause changes that affect the way your genes work. Dr. Rachel Yehuda, a neuroscientist at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai, has done groundbreaking work on the descendants of Holocaust survivors. Her research found that trauma can actually leave a chemical mark on a person’s genes, which is then passed down to their children. This means you might be born with a heightened stress response—a "devil" of anxiety—because of something that happened to your great-grandmother.
It isn't fair. It’s just biology.
When a family doesn't understand science, they create myths. They say the family is "cursed." They say there is a "black sheep" or a "devil in the family" who was just born bad. In reality, that person might just be the most vulnerable link in a long chain of inherited biological stress.
Breaking the Cycle of the Identified Patient
In clinical psychology, there is a concept called the Identified Patient (IP).
Usually, this is the "problem child" or the "crazy aunt." The family points at them and says, "If only they would get their act together, we’d all be fine." But family systems experts like Murray Bowen, who developed Family Systems Theory, would argue that the IP is actually just the one manifesting the symptoms of a sick system.
The "devil" isn't the individual. The "devil" is the way the family communicates, or doesn't.
- Triangulation: When two family members are having a conflict and pull in a third person to vent or take sides.
- Enmeshment: A lack of boundaries where everyone is expected to feel the same way about everything.
- The Scapegoat: The one person who gets blamed for every failure, allowing everyone else to feel "normal."
Think about the "black sheep." Usually, the black sheep is just the person who refuses to lie about the family’s secrets. They are the truth-tellers. Because they disrupt the "peace" (which is actually just a state of repressed chaos), they are labeled as the devil in the family. It’s a defense mechanism. If the family can frame one person as the source of all evil, the rest of the members don't have to look in the mirror.
Real Examples of the "Devil" in Famous Lineages
We see this play out in the public eye constantly. Look at the Kennedy family. People have talked about the "Kennedy Curse" for decades. Between the assassinations, the plane crashes, and the early deaths, it feels supernatural. But if you look closer, you see a mix of high-risk behavior traits—potentially linked to the DRD4 7R gene (often called the "wanderlust gene" or risk-taking gene)—and a family culture that demanded extreme performance and physical bravery.
Then there’s the Hemingway family.
Ernest Hemingway died by suicide. So did his father. So did his siblings, Ursula and Leicester. And then his granddaughter, Margaux. For a long time, people pointed to a "darkness" in the blood. Later, it was discovered that many family members likely suffered from undiagnosed hemochromatosis—a genetic disorder that causes the body to absorb too much iron, leading to physical and mental deterioration, including severe depression.
The "devil" was a metabolic disorder.
How to Spot the Patterns Before They Break You
You’ve probably felt it. That moment where you realize you're having the exact same argument with your spouse that your parents used to have. Or that sudden flash of rage that feels like it belongs to your father.
Recognizing the devil in the family is the first step toward exorcising it. It requires a brutal kind of honesty that most people find uncomfortable. You have to look at your family tree not just as a list of names, but as a map of behaviors.
- Map the history. Go back three generations. Where is the addiction? Where is the "nervous breakdown"? Where are the estrangements?
- Identify the secrets. Every family has them. The "devil" lives in the things we aren't allowed to talk about at dinner.
- Notice the roles. Are you the "Golden Child"? The "Lost Child"? The "Mascot"? These roles keep the dysfunction in place.
It's sort of like being a detective in your own life. You start seeing that Aunt Sarah’s "eccentricity" was actually untreated bipolar disorder, and Grandpa’s "toughness" was actually a total inability to process grief.
The Cost of Staying Silent
Silence is the fuel.
When a family refuses to acknowledge the "devil"—whether that's a history of abuse, a genetic predisposition to depression, or just toxic communication—they ensure that the next generation will have to fight the same battle. This is how "generational ghosts" are made.
There’s a reason why the "devil" keyword pops up in folklore across every culture. In Italian culture, it’s the malocchio. In other traditions, it’s "ancestral sins." Humans are wired to find patterns. We know, instinctively, that we aren't just starting from scratch when we’re born. We are born into a story that is already mid-chapter.
If you don't read the previous chapters, you'll never understand why the characters (you and your siblings) are acting the way they are.
Practical Steps to Move Forward
You can't change your DNA. You can't go back and give your parents the therapy they clearly needed in the 80s. But you can stop the transmission.
Get a physical and genetic screening. If your family has a history of "the devil" showing up as early heart attacks or sudden mental shifts, go to a doctor. Modern medicine can track things like the MTHFR gene mutation or Lynch syndrome. Knowledge isn't just power; it’s a preventative measure.
Establish "Iron-Clad" Boundaries. If a family member is the "devil" in the sense that they are abusive or manipulative, you are not obligated to keep them in your life just because of a blood connection. "Going low contact" or "no contact" isn't a betrayal; it’s a health decision.
The Narrative Shift. Change the way you talk about your family history. Instead of saying, "We are just a cursed family," say, "We are a family that has struggled with untreated trauma and genetic vulnerability, and I am the one who is addressing it."
Seek Trauma-Informed Therapy. Look for therapists who specialize in Internal Family Systems (IFS) or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). These methods are specifically designed to deal with the "stuck" patterns that feel like they’re part of your soul but are actually just part of your history.
The devil in the family only has power as long as it stays in the shadows. Once you turn the lights on, you realize it’s just a bunch of hurt people passing their pain around because they didn't know what else to do with it. You can be the one to put the heavy luggage down.
Actionable Insights for the Cycle-Breaker
- Conduct a "Genogram" review: Draw out your family tree and mark every instance of recurring themes (divorce, addiction, specific illnesses).
- Break the Triangles: The next time a family member tries to complain to you about someone else in the family, stay neutral. Say, "That sounds like something you should talk to them about."
- Prioritize Nervous System Regulation: If you inherited a "high-alert" brain, focus on practices like Vagus nerve stimulation or cold-water therapy to manually reset your body's stress response.
- Document the Truth: Keep a journal of family interactions. It helps prevent "gaslighting" where you start to doubt your own reality because the family insists everything is "fine."