You know that feeling when a family member does something so incredibly greasy it makes you question every Thanksgiving dinner you've ever attended? Kanye West lived that, but with a quarter-million-dollar price tag. If you've spent any time scouring the The Life of Pablo era or scrolling through old G.O.O.D. Fridays threads, you’ve definitely heard the infamous "cousins Kanye West song" references. Most people think it’s just one track. It’s actually a whole saga.
Family is messy. Kanye’s family? Extra messy.
The story basically centers on a laptop, a sex tape, and a cousin who decided blood wasn't thicker than a massive payout. It’s the kind of betrayal that makes a person go into a permanent defensive crouch. Honestly, it’s arguably the moment the "Old Kanye" finally died and the more isolated, paranoid version we see today took over.
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Why the Cousins Kanye West Song Actually Changed Everything
When Kanye dropped "Real Friends" in early 2016, the vibe was different. It wasn't the braggy, hyper-confident Ye from Yeezus. It was somber. It was grizzled. He rants about being a "deadbeat cousin" who can't remember birthdays, but then he drops the hammer:
"I had a cousin that stole my laptop that I was fuckin' bitches on / Paid that nigga 250 thousand just to get it from him"
That isn't just a lyric. It’s a police report set to a beat. Imagine having to pay your own flesh and blood $250,000 just to keep your private life private. Lawrence Franklin, another one of Kanye's cousins, eventually went on the record with the Daily Mail to confirm the whole thing was 100% real. He explained that Kanye had actually gifted a laptop to one family member back in 2012, who then lent it to the "thieving" cousin. That cousin found a video of Kanye with an unknown woman and realized he was sitting on a goldmine.
He didn't just give it back because it was the right thing to do. He held it for ransom.
The fallout was nuclear. Ye mentioned it again on "No More Parties in LA," calling the guy a "dirty motherfucker" right after saying he loves his cousins. It’s that weird, toxic family dynamic where you still love the person but you absolutely cannot stand what they did. That laptop incident is widely cited by those close to him as the start of his massive trust issues. If you can't trust the people you grew up with, who can you trust?
The 2025 "COUSINS" Twist
Fast forward to 2025. Kanye—now officially Ye—decided to revisit the "cousins" theme in a much more disturbing way. He released a track titled "COUSINS" (stylized in all caps) as a single for the In a Perfect World project. This wasn't about a laptop.
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This song was dark. Like, really dark.
In "COUSINS," Ye talks about a cousin who is currently serving a life sentence for a horrific crime—killing a pregnant woman. But the lyrics go deeper into Ye's own psyche, where he expresses a bizarre sense of guilt. He claims he showed this cousin "dirty magazines" when they were kids and wonders if that somehow set the cousin on a bad path. It’s heavy, uncomfortable, and classic Ye—blaming himself for things he probably had no control over while airing out family secrets that most people would take to the grave.
The song even touched on allegations of childhood incestuous encounters, which sent the internet into a total tailspin. Dave Blunts, who worked on the track, basically had to come out and say, "Hey, I don't speak for him," because the lyrics were so polarizing.
The Tracks You Need to Hear
To understand the full "cousins" lore, you can't just listen to one song. You have to look at the evolution of how he views his relatives.
- Real Friends (2016): The blueprint. This is where he first admits the $250,000 payoff. It’s a masterpiece of vulnerability and frustration.
- No More Parties in LA (2016): He’s still mad. He name-checks the cousin again, but this time it feels more like an angry shout-out than a mournful confession.
- COUSINS (2025): The new, controversial chapter. It moves away from the financial betrayal and into deep-seated psychological trauma and family tragedy.
It's sort of fascinating how Kanye uses his music as a public diary. Most rappers brag about their "day ones" and their loyal crews. Kanye? He’s the first one to tell you that his day ones are the ones who charged him a quarter-million dollars for his own computer.
What Most People Get Wrong
People often confuse the "laptop cousin" with the "incarcerated cousin." They aren't the same person. The laptop thief was about greed. The cousin mentioned in the 2025 track is about a much more violent, tragic breakdown in the family tree.
There’s also a common misconception that the laptop was stolen in a heist. It wasn't. It was a gift that was essentially "re-gifted" and then exploited. That’s why it hurt Kanye so much; it wasn't a stranger breaking into a car, it was someone he invited into his home.
What This Means for You
If you're a fan—or just a student of pop culture—the takeaway here is about the price of fame. Kanye’s "cousins" songs aren't just tracks; they are cautionary tales about how money can turn family into enemies.
Next Steps for the Kanye Historian:
- Listen to "Real Friends" and "No More Parties in LA" back-to-back. Pay attention to the shift in tone regarding his family.
- Look up the Lawrence Franklin interview from 2016. It provides the "receipts" for the $250,000 payoff that Kanye mentions in the lyrics.
- Check the 2025 credits for "COUSINS." Seeing guys like Digital Nas and Chuki Beats on the production helps explain the chaotic, modern sound compared to the soul-sampling era of the original laptop drama.
The laptop is gone, the money is paid, and the family is fractured. But the music remains the only place where Ye seems to be able to process the fact that his "real friends" were actually his biggest liabilities.