Let’s be honest for a second. You’ve probably spent a good chunk of your life being told—by parents, teachers, or those strangely aggressive motivational posters—that you are a unique snowflake. A one-of-a-kind masterpiece. The protagonist of a cosmic movie where everyone else is just a background extra. It’s a nice thought. It feels warm. But here’s the kicker: you’re not special.
Wait. Don't close the tab yet.
This isn't a nihilistic rant or an attempt to make you feel like garbage. In fact, realizing that you are remarkably ordinary is perhaps the most liberating thing that will ever happen to you. When we lean into the reality that our problems, our talents, and our existential crises are shared by millions of others, the crushing pressure to be "extraordinary" just... evaporates. We spend so much energy trying to prove our distinctness that we forget how to actually live.
The Statistical Reality of Being Ordinary
Math is a bit of a buzzkill, isn't it? There are roughly 8 billion people on this planet. If you are "one in a million," there are still 8,000 people exactly like you walking around right now. They have your same weird sense of humor, your specific "unique" niche hobby, and probably the same birthmark on their left thigh.
Most of us fall right into the middle of the bell curve. David McCullough Jr., a high school teacher, famously went viral for his 2012 commencement speech where he told a room full of affluent graduates that "you're not special." He wasn't being mean. He was pointing out that if everyone is special, then "special" ceases to have any meaning. It’s a linguistic paradox. We’ve diluted the word until it’s just a participation trophy for existing.
Think about your "unique" struggles. You feel lonely? Billions do. You’re worried about your career? Join the club. You think your heartbreak is a poetic tragedy unlike any other? Humans have been writing the exact same sad songs for three thousand years. This isn't meant to diminish your feelings. It’s meant to show you that you aren't alone. Your "un-specialness" is actually your greatest bridge to other people.
Why the Obsession with Being Special is Hurting Us
Social media has turned "being special" into a full-time job. We are constantly curated. We’re told to "build a personal brand." If you aren't a "thought leader," an "influencer," or a "disruptor," you’re somehow failing at the game of life. This creates a baseline of constant anxiety.
🔗 Read more: At Home French Manicure: Why Yours Looks Cheap and How to Fix It
Psychologist Jean Twenge has spent decades studying generational shifts in narcissism and personality. Her research, particularly in books like The Narcissism Epidemic, suggests that the cultural push for high self-esteem and "specialness" hasn't actually made us happier. Instead, it’s led to a rise in anxiety and depression. Why? Because when you believe you are special, you develop an entitlement to special results. When life gives you average results—which it usually does—you feel like a failure.
You aren't a failure. You're just average. And average is fine.
Actually, average is fantastic. Average people get to have hobbies they’re bad at just for the fun of it. Average people don't have to maintain a "legacy." Average people can fail, mess up, and change their minds without the world crumbling. The "special" trap makes us afraid to try anything unless we can be the best at it. It’s a recipe for paralysis.
The Entitlement Trap and the "Main Character" Syndrome
We’ve all seen it. The person filming a TikTok in the middle of a crowded sidewalk, getting annoyed when people walk through the frame. That's "Main Character Syndrome" in the wild. It’s the belief that the world owes you a certain narrative because of your inherent uniqueness.
But the world doesn't care.
Mark Manson touched on this beautifully in The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck*. He argues that the obsession with being "exceptional" is actually a defense mechanism. We’re terrified of being "just another person" because it makes us feel insignificant. But insignificance is a superpower. If you aren't the center of the universe, you don't have to carry the weight of the universe.
💡 You might also like: Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen Menu: Why You’re Probably Ordering Wrong
Consider the "Spotlight Effect." This is a psychological phenomenon where people tend to believe they are being noticed more than they actually are. In reality, everyone else is too busy worrying about their own "un-special" lives to notice that you have a coffee stain on your shirt or that you stumbled over a word in a meeting. Once you realize you aren't special, you stop performing for an audience that isn't even watching.
Redefining Success Outside the Exception
Our culture celebrates the outliers. We worship the Elon Musks, the Beyoncés, and the Olympic gold medalists. We treat them as the standard for a life well-lived. But these people are statistical anomalies. They are the 0.0001%. Using them as a benchmark for your own happiness is like being mad that you haven't won the Powerball.
Most "extraordinary" success involves a massive amount of luck, timing, and specific genetic or socioeconomic advantages. It’s not just "hard work." Thousands of people work harder than billionaires and never get rich. When we stop trying to be the "exception," we can start focusing on what actually makes life meaningful:
- Connection
- Contribution
- Presence
- Curiosity
Real life happens in the mundane. It’s in the Saturday morning grocery run. It’s in the quiet cup of coffee. It’s in the repetitive work that helps your community. If you’re waiting to be "special" to start enjoying your life, you’re going to be waiting forever.
Practical Steps to Embrace Being Un-Special
Getting comfortable with your ordinariness takes practice. It’s a deprogramming of years of cultural conditioning. Here is how you can start shifting your perspective today.
Stop tracking, start doing.
If you’re doing something just so you can post about it and show how "unique" your life is, stop. Try doing a hobby in total secret. Don't tell your followers. Don't even tell your mom. Do it just because you like the way it feels. This severs the link between your actions and your need for external validation.
📖 Related: 100 Biggest Cities in the US: Why the Map You Know is Wrong
Acknowledge the "Standard" Experience.
The next time you’re stuck in traffic or a long line, instead of feeling like the universe is personally attacking your schedule, remind yourself: "I am one of thousands of people in this exact situation." It sounds small, but it kills the ego’s need to be the victim. You’re just a part of the flow of humanity.
Focus on "Low Stakes" Curiosity.
Special people feel like they have to change the world. You don't. You can just learn about mushrooms. Or read about 18th-century naval history. Or learn to bake a decent sourdough. When the stakes are low, the joy is high. You aren't doing it to be the "best" at it; you're doing it because you're a curious human.
Volunteer for "Unseen" Tasks.
Nothing humbles the ego like doing work that no one will praise you for. Clean up a local park. Help a neighbor move. Don't post a selfie while doing it. The goal is to realize that your value doesn't come from being "seen" or "special," but from being useful and kind.
Accept your flaws as common.
We often hide our flaws because we think they make us uniquely broken. They don't. Your procrastination, your jealousy, your insecurity—these are standard-issue human equipment. When you stop seeing your flaws as "special" tragedies, they lose their power over you. You can just work on them like you’d fix a leaky faucet.
The Freedom of the Floor
There’s an old saying that once you’ve hit the floor, you can’t fall any further. Embracing the fact that you’re not special is hitting the floor. It’s the baseline. From here, every good thing you do, every connection you make, and every small success you achieve isn't an "expectation"—it’s a bonus.
You don't have to be a legend. You don't have to leave a "dent in the universe." You just have to be here, be decent, and enjoy the ride while it lasts. That is more than enough.
Actionable Next Steps:
- The Silence Test: Choose one "cool" thing you do this week and intentionally tell no one about it. Notice if the enjoyment of the activity changes when the "social signaling" is removed.
- The Commonality Journal: Write down three things you struggled with today. Next to each, write "Millions of people felt this today." Observe how this shifts your level of self-judgment.
- Audit Your Feed: Unfollow three accounts that make you feel like your "average" life is a failure. Replace them with accounts that celebrate mundane reality, craftsmanship, or nature.
- Identify Your "Specialty" Ego: Pick one area where you feel superior to others. Ask yourself: "How would I feel if I were just average at this?" Lean into that discomfort until it feels like relief.