Ever walked into the breakroom, saw a specific coworker’s mug, and felt your blood pressure spike for absolutely no reason? Or maybe it’s a very specific reason. We’ve all been there. You’re staring at a Slack notification and thinking, it would be great if you didn't exist, at least in this professional ecosystem. It sounds harsh. It is. But honestly, it’s a psychological phenomenon that happens in high-pressure environments more often than HR would ever like to admit.
Resentment isn't just a "bad mood." It’s a literal biological response.
When we feel like someone is an obstacle to our peace or our productivity, our brains categorize them as a threat. It’s primal. We aren't hunters dodging saber-toothed tigers anymore; we’re analysts dodging "per my last email" passive-aggression.
Why we feel like it would be great if you didn't exist
Most of the time, this feeling isn't about the person’s actual character. It’s about friction. Dr. Leon F. Seltzer, a clinical psychologist, often writes about how resentment is a way of protecting our ego. If a colleague is constantly outperforming you—or worse, constantly underperforming and making you do their work—your brain looks for an exit strategy. The easiest exit? Wishing the source of the stress simply vanished.
It’s a fantasy of efficiency.
Think about the "Low-Performer Tax." This is a real concept in management consulting where high-achievers end up doing 20% to 30% more work to cover for a weak link. In those late-night sessions at the office, it’s natural to think it would be great if you didn't exist because, in your mind, your workload would suddenly become manageable. You’re not wishing them harm. You’re wishing for relief.
The social contagion of dislike
Psychology also points toward something called "Negative Affectivity." It’s basically the idea that some people are just predisposed to focus on the downsides of others. But there’s a twist. If you’re in a toxic work culture, that negativity spreads.
👉 See also: Fitness Models Over 50: Why the Industry is Finally Paying Attention
- You start venting to a work bestie.
- They agree.
- The dislike is validated.
- Suddenly, a minor annoyance becomes a mountain.
Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt discusses how our "righteous mind" loves to divide the world into us versus them. Once someone is in the "them" category, every single thing they do—the way they breathe, the way they click their pen—becomes an affront to your very existence.
The cost of holding onto that "wish"
Living in a state where you’re constantly thinking it would be great if you didn't exist about a peer is exhausting. It’s heavy.
Cortisol is the culprit here. When you’re stuck in a loop of resentment, your body stays in a low-level "fight or flight" mode. This isn't just "stress"; it's a physiological tax that leads to burnout. According to a 2023 study by the American Psychological Association (APA), workplace stress is linked to everything from high blood pressure to weakened immune systems. You’re literally getting sick because you can’t stand Gary from Accounting.
Is Gary worth a heart attack? Probably not.
But it’s hard to stop. The brain gets a weird, tiny hit of dopamine when we feel superior or "right" about our dislike for someone else. It’s a trap. You’re drinking the poison and waiting for the other person to keel over.
When the person is actually the problem
Sometimes, it’s not just in your head. Toxic personalities exist. The "Dark Triad" of personality traits—narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy—shows up in about 1% to 3% of the general population, but often at higher rates in corporate leadership.
✨ Don't miss: Finding the Right Look: What People Get Wrong About Red Carpet Boutique Formal Wear
If you’re dealing with a genuine narcissist, that feeling of it would be great if you didn't exist is actually a survival signal. Your gut is telling you that this person is unsafe for your career or mental health. In these cases, the resentment isn't something to "work through" with a deep breath and a yoga mat. It’s data. Use it.
Flipping the script on resentment
So, what do you do when you’re stuck in a cubicle or a Zoom grid with someone you wish would evaporate?
You can’t control them. You can’t make them move to a different country (usually).
The first step is "The Pattern Interrupt." When you feel that surge of "I wish they weren't here," you have to name it. "I am feeling frustrated because I value efficiency and they are being slow." By moving the focus from the person to the value they are violating, you regain power. You aren't a victim of their existence; you’re a defender of your values.
Cognitive Reframing
It sounds like corporate speak, but it works. Instead of thinking about how much better life would be without them, ask: "What is this person teaching me about my own boundaries?"
- If they interrupt you, they’re teaching you to be more assertive.
- If they’re lazy, they’re teaching you how to delegate or document better.
- If they’re just annoying, they’re training your "ignore" muscle.
It’s a bit of a mind game, but it beats stewing in anger.
🔗 Read more: Finding the Perfect Color Door for Yellow House Styles That Actually Work
Real-world strategies for dealing with the "un-exist-able"
Most people just try to "be nice." That’s a mistake. Being "nice" to someone you resent leads to passive-aggression. It’s better to be professional and distant.
The Grey Rock Method. This is a technique often used when dealing with toxic people. You become as boring as a grey rock. You don’t share personal details. You don’t react to their provocations. You become uninteresting to them. If they can't get a rise out of you, they often move their focus elsewhere.
Communication Triage. Limit interactions to written form whenever possible. This creates a paper trail (useful if they are actually incompetent) and gives you time to respond without the immediate emotional "ping" of their presence.
Radical Acceptance. This is a concept from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). It doesn't mean you like the situation. It means you stop fighting the reality of it. "This person is here. They are annoying. That is the current state of the universe." When you stop wishing for a different reality, the current one becomes slightly less painful.
Moving forward without the weight
Thinking it would be great if you didn't exist is a common, albeit dark, part of the human experience. It’s a signpost. It tells you that something in your environment is out of alignment. Maybe it’s the job. Maybe it’s the team. Or maybe it’s just a temporary season of high stress.
To move past this, stop focusing on the person and start focusing on the "gap" they create.
Actionable Steps:
- Identify the Trigger: For three days, write down exactly what the person did when you had that "wish they didn't exist" thought. Was it a specific phrase? A missed deadline? Look for the pattern.
- Audit Your Exposure: Can you move your desk? Can you leave a specific recurring meeting? Can you block them on non-essential communication channels? Minimize the "surface area" of your interaction.
- The 5-Year Rule: Ask yourself if this person will matter to you in five years. If the answer is no (and it almost always is), consciously decide to stop giving them "rent-free" space in your head today.
- Consult HR or a Mentor: If the behavior is actually crossing into harassment or creating a hostile environment, stop wishing they didn't exist and start the process of making sure they don't—at least not in your department.
Resentment is a heavy backpack. You’re the only one who can choose to take it off and leave it at the door.