Walk into almost any American funeral home and you’ll smell it immediately. It’s that cloying, heavy scent of lilies mixed with formaldehyde. For decades, this has been the standard. We’ve been told that this is just how things are done. But honestly, the American way of death isn't some ancient tradition passed down from the pilgrims. It's actually a relatively modern, high-cost industry that was largely invented in the mid-20th century.
It’s expensive. Dying in America now carries a price tag that rivals a new car or a wedding. We’re talking $8,000 to $12,000 on average for a standard viewing and burial.
Why? Because we’ve professionalized grief. We handed over the keys to our dead to a corporate structure that turned mourning into a retail experience.
The Book That Changed Everything
In 1963, a British journalist named Jessica Mitford published a book called The American Way of Death. She didn't hold back. Mitford exposed how funeral directors were essentially used-car salesmen for the deceased, upselling grieving families on "sealer" caskets and "eternal" vaults that did nothing but drain bank accounts.
She was ruthless. She described the industry as a "huge, self-perpetuating, and largely unnecessary" machine.
Before her book, most people didn't question the bill. They just paid it because they felt guilty. Mitford changed the conversation. She pointed out that the elaborate embalming and the heavy steel boxes weren't for the benefit of the dead. They were for the profit of the living.
Even though that book is over sixty years old, much of what she wrote still rings true. You go to a "selection room." You see the cheap, "ugly" casket at the bottom and the velvet-lined mahogany one at the top. It’s classic psychological pricing. It’s designed to make you feel like a cheapskate if you don't buy the best for Grandma.
The Embalming Myth
Here’s a secret: Embalming is not required by law in most cases.
You’ve probably heard otherwise. Many people think it's a public health necessity. It isn't. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), a dead body isn't usually a health hazard unless the person died of a highly infectious disease like Ebola.
We do it anyway. We do it so we can have a "viewing." We want the person to look "natural," which is a strange word to use for someone pumped full of pink dye and chemicals.
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In most of Europe, embalming is rare. In the UK or France, they think our obsession with preserving bodies for a three-day wake is a bit macabre. But in the U.S., it’s the cornerstone of the traditional funeral package. It buys time for the industry to sell more services.
If you choose a "direct" cremation or burial, you can skip the chemicals entirely. But funeral homes don't always lead with that option.
The Rise of the Death Care Giants
Death is big business. It used to be that every town had a family-owned funeral home. The director knew your name and your parents' names.
That's changing fast.
A company called Service Corporation International (SCI) is the largest funeral provider in North America. They own thousands of funeral homes and cemeteries under brands like Dignity Memorial. You might think you’re walking into "Smith & Sons," but the paycheck is coming from a publicly traded corporation in Houston.
This consolidation has pushed prices up. When a corporation takes over a local home, they have shareholders to answer to. They need margins. This shift has turned the American way of death into a logistics and real estate game. They own the land, the crematorium, and the casket company.
It's vertical integration, but for the afterlife.
Why Cremation Is Winning (And Why It’s Still Costly)
For the first time in U.S. history, more people are being cremated than buried. In the 1960s, the cremation rate was less than 4%. Today, it's over 60%.
People are tired of the cost. They’re tired of the fuss. They want something simpler.
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But don't think for a second the industry hasn't adapted. Even with cremation, there are "upgrades." You can buy a "rental casket" for a viewing before the cremation. You can buy jewelry made from the ashes. You can have the ashes launched into space or turned into a synthetic diamond.
The industry is pivoting from "body disposal" to "celebration of life." It sounds nicer, sure. But "celebration of life" is often just code for "we still need to charge you $5,000 even if there’s no casket."
The Green Burial Movement
There is a growing rebellion against the plastic-and-steel status quo. It's called green burial.
The idea is simple: No embalming. No metal casket. No concrete vault. You go into the ground in a biodegradable shroud or a plain pine box. You decompose. You become part of the ecosystem.
It’s actually the oldest way of doing things. It’s how humans buried their dead for thousands of years before the Civil War made embalming popular.
People like Caitlin Doughty, a mortician and author of Smoke Gets in Your Eyes, have become the face of this movement. They argue that we’ve become too "death-denying." By hiding the body behind chemicals and expensive boxes, we lose our connection to the reality of life and death.
Green burials are significantly cheaper. They also protect the environment. Think about it: Every year, we bury millions of gallons of toxic embalming fluid and tons of steel. It’s a massive environmental footprint for a 100-year-old tradition.
Navigating the Funeral Rule
If you’re dealing with a death right now, you have rights. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) enforces something called "The Funeral Rule."
Basically, it says:
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- You have the right to get prices over the phone.
- You have the right to an itemized price list (the General Price List or GPL).
- You can buy a casket online (like from Costco or Amazon) and the funeral home must accept it without charging a "handling fee."
- You don't have to buy a "package." You can pick and choose only the services you want.
Most people don't know this because they’re in shock. They’re grieving. They just want someone to take care of it. That’s when the bill gets out of control.
The Cost of Living (and Dying)
In some cities, the cost of a cemetery plot is becoming as expensive as a small apartment. In New York or San Francisco, you might pay $20,000 just for the dirt.
This has led to some creative, if slightly weird, alternatives.
- Alkaline Hydrolysis: Also known as "water cremation." It uses heat and pressure to dissolve the body. It’s way more eco-friendly than fire cremation.
- Human Composting: This is exactly what it sounds like. The body is placed in a vessel with wood chips and alfalfa. In a few weeks, you’re a cubic yard of soil. It’s currently legal in several states including Washington, Colorado, and Oregon.
- Home Funerals: In many states, you can legally keep your loved one at home, have a wake in the living room, and transport the body yourself. It sounds extreme to our modern ears, but it’s how we did it for centuries.
Real Talk on What Matters
We’ve been sold a version of "dignity" that is measured in dollars. We think a "good" funeral means a shiny casket and a big flower arrangement.
But honestly? Dignity doesn't come from a vault. It comes from the stories told at the service. It comes from the community showing up.
The American way of death is at a crossroads. We are moving away from the "big funeral" and toward something more personal, even if it’s less profitable for the industry.
The shift isn't just about money. It's about autonomy. It's about taking back the end of life from a system that turned it into a commodity.
Actionable Steps for the "Death Positive" Move
If you want to avoid the traps of the traditional industry, you need to be proactive. Waiting until the day someone dies is the worst time to make financial decisions.
- Download a GPL: Call three local funeral homes and ask them to email you their General Price List today. Keep them in a folder. Compare the "Basic Services Fee"—this is the non-declinable fee they charge just for being open. It varies by thousands of dollars.
- Specify "No Embalming": If you want a direct cremation or an immediate burial, make it clear that you do not authorize embalming.
- Check State Laws on Composting: If you’re environmentally conscious, look up if "Natural Organic Reduction" (human composting) is legal in your state yet. If not, look for the nearest "Green Burial" site.
- Buy Your Own Container: You do not need a $3,000 casket for cremation. A cardboard box works just fine. If you want a nice one for the service, ask about rental caskets.
- Talk About It: The industry thrives on silence. Talk to your family about what you actually want. If you want to be turned into a tree or tossed in a pine box, tell them. Write it down. It’s the only way to ensure your "way of death" is actually yours.