Thirty-five years. It is a massive chunk of time. To put it into perspective, if you’re celebrating a 35 year anniversary today, you likely started your journey together back when neon windbreakers were unironic and the internet was just a weird static noise on a phone line. Most people obsess over the "big" ones—the 25th silver or the 50th gold—but the 35th is honestly where the real character shows up. It’s the "Coral Anniversary." Or the "Jade Anniversary." It depends on who you ask and how traditional you want to be.
But let’s be real. Reaching three and a half decades isn't just about a gift or a party. It’s about survival. It’s about having seen the absolute worst of each other—flu seasons, job losses, the agonizing teenage years of your kids—and still choosing to wake up in the same bed. It’s impressive. Seriously.
What is a 35 year anniversary actually called?
Traditionally, the 35th is the Coral Anniversary. Now, modern lists, which started popping up more frequently in the late 20th century to give people more buying options, often associate it with Jade.
Why coral? It’s not just because it looks pretty in a necklace. Historically, coral was thought to have protective properties. People used to think it could ward off danger or heal ailments. In the context of a marriage, it’s a living organism that builds upon itself over centuries. It’s skeletal, it’s tough, and it creates a reef that protects an entire ecosystem. That’s a pretty heavy metaphor for a marriage that has survived 12,775 days.
Jade, on the other hand, comes from a more Eastern influence but has been fully adopted by Western modern gift lists. It’s all about luck, healing, and longevity. It’s a stone that doesn't crack easily. You can drop it, and it usually stays whole. That's the vibe of a 35-year-old marriage. It’s durable.
The weird history of anniversary gift lists
You’ve probably heard of the Emily Post Institute. They are basically the gatekeepers of "doing things the right way" in American society. While the 25th and 50th anniversaries have roots going back to Middle Ages Germany, the 35th didn't get its "Coral" designation until much later.
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By the time the 1930s rolled around, the American National Retail Jewelers Association decided they needed to fill in the gaps. They realized people were skipping the years between 25 and 50 because there were no "rules" for what to buy. So, they formalized the list. Coral was tucked in right there between the 30th (Pearl) and the 40th (Ruby).
It’s interesting to note that coral is now a highly protected substance. You can't just go out and harvest it. This has changed the way people celebrate a 35 year anniversary significantly. If you’re looking for a gift, "vintage" coral or "responsibly sourced" is the only way to go without feeling like an environmental villain. Or, you know, just stick to the Jade or the color orange.
Why this milestone is the "Forgotten" major year
Everyone makes a fuss about the Silver Jubilee. But 35 years is arguably harder. By year 35, the "newness" of the empty nest has often worn off. You’re looking at each other across the breakfast table and realizing that you have a lot of years left, and you’ve got to figure out what that looks like.
Dr. Karl Pillemer, a gerontologist at Cornell University, actually spent years interviewing "long-married" couples for his book 30 Lessons for Loving. He found that couples reaching this 30-to-40-year window often report a "second honeymoon" phase. The kids are gone. The career stress is usually winding down. It’s a pivot point.
Some people call it the "U-shaped happiness curve." Marital satisfaction often starts high, dips during the middle years (kids, mortgages, "the grind"), and starts climbing back up right around—you guessed it—the 35th year.
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Traditional vs. Modern: How to handle the 35 year anniversary
If you are a stickler for tradition, you go with Coral. But since we live in 2026 and we actually care about the ocean, the "traditional" gift has morphed into things that look like coral or represent the sea.
- The Traditionalist Route: Think deep orange-pinks. If you aren't buying antique jewelry, people often go for high-end home decor in coral hues. Think Italian linens or even a trip to the Great Barrier Reef (to look, not touch).
- The Modernist Route: Jade is the winner here. It’s elegant. It’s green (usually). It feels more "sturdy" than coral. Jade bangles, cufflinks, or even a small sculpture for the garden are big hits.
- The Gemstone: In case Coral and Jade weren't enough, some lists suggest Emerald for the 35th, though most people save that for the 20th or the 55th. It’s a bit of a free-for-all.
Honestly, the "gift" part is sorta secondary to the experience at this stage. Most couples I talk to who hit this mark would rather have a quiet dinner where they don't have to cook than a necklace they'll wear once a year.
Beyond the gifts: The psychology of 35 years
What does it take to get here? It’s not just luck. Experts like those at the Gottman Institute point to "Shared Meaning." By year 35, a couple has their own language. They have inside jokes that haven't been funny to anyone else for two decades. They have "the look" that says we need to leave this party right now without a single word being spoken.
There is a psychological resilience required for a 35 year anniversary. You’ve likely dealt with the death of parents. You might be dealing with your own health scares. The 35th anniversary is a celebration of being each other's "primary attachment figure" through the actual trenches of life.
Creative ways to mark the occasion
Don't just do a boring dinner. Unless you really love boring dinners. Then do that. But if you want something that actually sticks, try these:
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- The "Year of 35" Trip: Go somewhere that neither of you has been. Not a place you went with the kids. A new place.
- The Legacy Project: Many couples use this year to start a foundation, a family trust, or even just a massive photo archiving project. It’s about looking forward to the next 15 years until the Gold 50th.
- The "Non-Gift" Gift: Donate to a coral reef restoration project in your spouse's name. It’s cheesy, sure, but it’s better than more "stuff" cluttering up the house you've lived in for decades.
- Revisiting the Start: Go back to the place where you met. Not where you got married—where you met. It’s usually a more visceral memory.
Common misconceptions about the 35th
People think it’s just a "filler" year. It isn't. In some cultures, particularly in parts of Southeast Asia, the 35th is treated with nearly as much reverence as the 50th because it represents the "Fullness of Life."
Another misconception? That it’s too late to change the dynamic. If the last 34 years were a bit rocky, the 35th can be a reset. It sounds like a Hallmark card, but I've seen couples use this milestone to finally go to that marriage retreat or start that hobby they’ve been putting off because they were "too busy with the kids."
Moving forward after 35 years
If you're reading this because you're approaching your own 35 year anniversary, take a breath. You did it. Most people don't. The divorce rate for "Grey Divorce" (couples over 50) has actually been rising, so making it to 35 years is a genuine achievement in the modern era.
Actionable Next Steps:
- Check the Calendar: If you’re planning a celebration, start six months out. High-end restaurants and travel spots for older adults book up faster than you’d think.
- Audit Your History: Take an afternoon to look at photos from Year 1, Year 10, Year 20, and now. It’s a trip.
- Address the "Coral" Problem: If you want to buy jewelry, ensure it's "Pre-Convention" coral to stay ethical, or look for high-quality "Faux Coral" which is often just as beautiful.
- Write the Letter: Forget the store-bought card. Write a letter about one specific thing your partner did in the last 35 years that you never properly thanked them for. That’s the real Jade. That’s the real Coral.
Thirty-five years is a long time. It’s a lifetime. Treat it like the massive win it actually is.