Loneliness is everywhere, yet we can’t seem to find a second of actual privacy. It sounds like a paradox. We are surrounded by digital noise, pings, and the constant, low-grade hum of being "watched" by algorithms, yet the moment we whisper take me somewhere we can be alone, we aren't usually talking about a romantic getaway. Not really. We’re talking about a primal need to escape the surveillance of modern life.
It's a heavy feeling.
The phrase has evolved. It used to be a line from a pop song or a tired trope in a romance novel. Now? It's a survival strategy. In a world where your location is tracked by your watch and your preferences are sold to the highest bidder, "alone" has become the ultimate luxury good.
Why the Search for Solitude is Changing
Most people get this wrong. They think being alone is about antisocial behavior. It’s not. Research from the University of California, Santa Cruz, led by psychologist Eileen Zurbriggen, suggests that privacy is actually a fundamental requirement for the development of a stable self-identity. If you're always "on," you're always performing.
When you say take me somewhere we can be alone, you’re asking for a space where the "performative self" can finally shut up.
Think about the last time you were truly off the grid. No service. No Wi-Fi. No one to impress. Most of us struggle to remember it. The data shows that "digital detox" searches have spiked by over 50% in the last three years, but a weekend at a spa isn't what people are actually hunting for. They want places that aren't geotagged. They want the "dead zones" on the map.
The Science of Quiet
Environmental psychologists talk about something called "Restorative Environments." It's basically the idea that certain spaces allow our brains to recover from "directed attention fatigue." That’s the brain-drain you feel after staring at Slack or navigating a crowded subway.
Being alone in nature—specifically "unscripted" nature—lowers cortisol levels significantly. But here is the kicker: it only works if you feel truly unobserved. The moment you think someone might be filming a TikTok nearby, the restorative effect vanishes. You're back in performance mode.
📖 Related: Is there actually a legal age to stay home alone? What parents need to know
The Best Places to Actually Find Solitude (That Aren't Cliche)
Forget the crowded national parks during peak season. If you want to go somewhere we can be alone, you have to look for the "in-between" spaces.
Honest truth? The high desert of West Texas, specifically the areas outside of Marfa, offers a kind of silence that feels physical. It’s heavy. You can hear your own heartbeat. Or try the "Quiet Parks" initiatives. There’s a non-profit called Quiet Parks International that actually certifies locations based on the lack of man-made noise. Their first "Wilderness Quiet Park" was the Zabalo River in the Ecuadorian Amazon.
But you don't have to go to South America.
- The Nebraska Sandhills: One of the most sparsely populated areas in the United States. It's just rolling grass and wind.
- The Outer Hebrides, Scotland: Specifically in the shoulder season. The weather is temperamental, which keeps the "scenester" tourists away.
- Boundary Waters, Minnesota: It’s over a million acres. You can paddle for days and see more moose than humans.
Solitude isn't just about geography, though. It's about a lack of infrastructure. If there's a gift shop, you aren't alone.
The Psychological Burden of "Always On"
We have to talk about the "Panopticon" effect. It’s a concept from 18th-century philosopher Jeremy Bentham, later popularized by Michel Foucault. Imagine a prison where the cells are arranged in a circle around a central watchtower. The prisoners can’t see if the guard is in the tower, so they behave all the time just in case.
That is the modern internet.
We carry the watchtower in our pockets. This creates a psychological weight that makes us desperate to find a place where the tower can't see us. When someone says take me somewhere we can be alone, they are often expressing a need to shed the weight of social expectation.
👉 See also: The Long Haired Russian Cat Explained: Why the Siberian is Basically a Living Legend
It’s about intimacy, too. Real intimacy—the kind that builds long-term bonds—requires a lack of distraction. When you’re alone with a partner or a close friend in a secluded spot, the quality of conversation changes. It becomes slower. More honest. You stop talking in headlines and start talking in thoughts.
Common Misconceptions About Solitude
- It’s lonely. Nope. Loneliness is a lack of connection. Solitude is a presence of self.
- It’s dangerous. While being alone in the wilderness requires prep, the "stranger danger" myths are statistically overblown compared to the mental health risks of never being alone.
- It’s a "rich person" thing. You don't need a private jet. You need a bus ticket to a trailhead or a phone that's turned off.
How to Actually Get Away
If you’re serious about finding that space, stop looking at "top 10" travel lists. Those lists are why those places are now crowded. Instead, look at topographical maps. Look for "Dark Sky" preserves. The International Dark-Sky Association (IDA) lists places with the least light pollution. Generally, where there is no light, there are no people.
The Great Basin National Park in Nevada is a prime example. It’s one of the least visited parks in the system. It’s rugged, high-altitude, and incredibly quiet.
You also have to prepare for the "quiet jitters."
The first few hours of true solitude are often uncomfortable. Your brain is used to the dopamine hits of notifications. Without them, you might feel anxious or bored. Stick through it. Usually, after about four to six hours, the brain resets. You start noticing the way the light hits the trees or the specific sound of the wind. That’s when you’ve actually arrived.
Practical Steps for Radical Privacy
First, audit your tech. If you’re going somewhere we can be alone, leave the smart watch at home. It’s a tether. Use a paper map. It sounds "retro," but it’s functional—it doesn't track your GPS coordinates or require a signal.
Second, tell one person where you are going for safety, then tell no one else. The urge to post a "getting away from it all" photo is the very thing that prevents you from actually getting away. If you document your solitude for an audience, it’s no longer solitude. It’s content.
✨ Don't miss: Why Every Mom and Daughter Photo You Take Actually Matters
Third, look for "B-sides." If everyone is going to Zion, go to the Escalante. If everyone is going to the Amalfi Coast, go to the Albanian Riviera. Seek the places that lack the "Instagrammable" infrastructure.
Finding the Silence Within
At the end of the day, the physical location is just a facilitator. You can be in the middle of the Sahara and still be "plugged in" if your mind is racing with work emails.
True solitude is a skill. It’s something you practice.
Start small. Go to a park without your phone. Sit on a bench for thirty minutes. Don't read. Don't listen to a podcast. Just sit. It’s harder than it sounds. But once you master the ability to be alone in a small way, the bigger trips to remote places become much more transformative.
The world is only going to get louder. The data is only going to get stickier. The demand for places where we can be alone will only rise, making those remaining quiet spots even more precious. Protect them. Don't tag them. Just exist in them.
Actionable Steps for Your Next Escape
- Download Offline Maps: Use Gaia GPS or AllTrails, but download the maps for offline use and put your phone in airplane mode the moment you hit the trail.
- Invest in a Satellite Messenger: If you're going truly remote (like the Bob Marshall Wilderness), a Garmin InReach provides safety without the distractions of a smartphone.
- Search for "Public Land": In the US, BLM (Bureau of Land Management) land is often much more secluded than National Parks. You can "dispersed camp" almost anywhere, meaning no neighbors and no noise.
- Timing is Everything: Mid-week trips to popular spots can offer the solitude that weekends destroy. Tuesday is the quietest day in almost any natural area.
- Check the Noise Map: Use tools like the National Park Service's "Natural Sounds" data to find areas with the lowest ambient man-made noise levels.
Finding a place to be alone isn't about running away. It's about running toward a version of yourself that hasn't been processed by a machine. It's about the freedom to think a thought without it being tracked, analyzed, or sold. That’s worth the hike.