Ever notice how you don't actually think about your big toe until you stub it on the coffee table? Suddenly, that tiny appendage is the only thing in the world that matters. This is the simplest way to understand the psychology of what take it for granted means. It is the human brain’s weirdly efficient, yet deeply frustrating, habit of ignoring anything that works perfectly. We stop seeing the things that are always there. The reliable car. The partner who makes coffee every morning. The fact that you can breathe through your nose without thinking.
Psychologists call this "hedonic adaptation." Basically, we get used to the good stuff. Fast.
When people ask what take it for granted means in a relationship or a career, they aren’t usually looking for a dictionary definition. They’re looking for a post-mortem. They’re wondering why something that used to feel like a miracle now feels like background noise. It’s a cognitive shortcut. Our brains are wired to scan for threats and changes, not to sit around celebrating the fact that the roof isn’t leaking. If something is stable, your brain checks it off the list and moves on to the next problem.
The Linguistic Roots of "Granted"
Etymology is actually kinda cool here. The phrase traces back to the idea of a "grant"—something given or allowed. To take something "for granted" originally meant to accept it as true without needing proof. In a legal or logical sense, this is actually helpful. You "grant" a premise to move an argument forward. But when we applied this to human emotions and daily life, things got messy.
We started treating people like premises.
We assume the sun will rise. That's a safe bet. But when we apply that same "safe bet" logic to a friend’s patience or a spouse’s affection, we stop investing in those things. We treat them as "granted" rights rather than gifts that require maintenance.
Why Your Brain Is Programmed to Ignore the Good Stuff
It’s not because you’re a jerk. Honestly, it’s an evolutionary survival mechanism. If our ancestors spent all day being blissfully thankful for a nice patch of grass, they probably would’ve been eaten by a saber-toothed tiger. The brain is an energy-saving machine. It prioritizes "new" and "dangerous" over "consistent" and "safe."
Dr. Robert Emmons, a leading scientific expert on gratitude at UC Davis, has spent decades studying this. His research shows that the human default setting is to focus on what’s missing. We are gap-seekers. We look at a beautiful 100-piece puzzle and only see the one missing tile. This is why take it for granted means more than just "forgetting to say thank you." It describes a fundamental blindness to our own current wealth—whether that’s health, time, or connection.
✨ Don't miss: The Long Haired Russian Cat Explained: Why the Siberian is Basically a Living Legend
The Career Trap: The Promotion Paradox
Think back to the last time you were desperate for a job. You probably would have done anything for that salary and that title. You get the job. You’re thrilled for three weeks. Then, the "new car smell" wears off.
Six months later? You’re complaining about the breakroom coffee and the way Janet from accounting CCs everyone on her emails. You’ve taken the paycheck for granted. This shift happens because your "baseline" has moved. What was once a peak is now the floor. This is a dangerous spot for a career because when we take our roles for granted, our performance slips. We stop being proactive. We start acting like the world owes us the position simply because we showed up yesterday.
What Take It for Granted Means in Relationships
This is where it hurts the most. In long-term partnerships, "taking it for granted" is the silent killer. It’s not usually a big blow-up fight that ends things. It’s the slow erosion of appreciation.
You stop noticing that they always fill up your gas tank.
You forget that they listen to your work rants every Tuesday.
You assume they’ll always be there, so you stop courting them.
John Gottman, the famous relationship researcher who can predict divorce with startling accuracy, talks about the "magic ratio." Healthy couples have five positive interactions for every one negative interaction. When you take someone for granted, that ratio flips. Not because you’re being mean, but because the "positives" become invisible. You stop acknowledging them. You’re not "adding to the bank," so the first time a conflict happens, you’re in the red.
The Health Blind Spot
Health is the ultimate example. Most of us are "temporarily able-bodied." We move through the world assuming our knees won't creak and our lungs will pull in oxygen. We take for granted the absence of pain.
It is only when a back spasm hits or a flu settles in that we realize how incredible it felt to just... feel nothing. To be "normal." There is a specific kind of grief that comes when you realize you took your health for granted while you had it. It’s why people who have survived near-death experiences or major illnesses often seem so much happier. They’ve had the "granted" status revoked and then handed back. They can see the big toe now.
🔗 Read more: Why Every Mom and Daughter Photo You Take Actually Matters
The Social Cost of Expectation
On a broader scale, we take our infrastructure for granted. We flip a switch; the light comes on. We turn a tap; clean water flows.
When these systems work, they are invisible. We only "see" the water department when a pipe bursts. This creates a culture of perpetual outrage. Since we take the 99% of things that go right for granted, we spend 100% of our emotional energy on the 1% that goes wrong. It’s an exhausting way to live. It makes the world feel broken even when it’s mostly functioning.
How to Reverse the "Granted" Effect
You can't just tell your brain to stop being a brain. You have to manually override the system.
The "Pre-Mortem" Technique.
Imagine something you love is gone. This sounds morbid, but it works. Spend thirty seconds imagining your life without your car, or your ability to walk, or your best friend. The jolt of relief you feel when you "come back" to reality is the antidote to taking things for granted.Specific Acknowledgment.
"Thanks" is lazy. It’s a social reflex. Try being weirdly specific. Instead of "thanks for dinner," try "I really appreciate that you handled the grocery shopping and the cooking today because I know you were slammed at work." Specificity forces your brain to actually see the effort involved. It moves the action from the "expected" column to the "gift" column.The Interruption of Routine.
The reason we take things for granted is because they are predictable. Shake it up. If you always take the same route to work, walk. If you always eat at the same spot, go somewhere else. Novelty forces the brain out of its "autopilot" mode and back into "observation" mode.The "Only 1,000 Mornings" Rule.
If you knew you only had 1,000 days left to live, you wouldn't take a single sunrise for granted. The reality? You don't know how many you have. Reminding yourself of the finitude of things—jobs, relationships, health—stops the "granted" slide instantly. Everything is a loan, not a gift.💡 You might also like: Sport watch water resist explained: why 50 meters doesn't mean you can dive
A Nuanced View: Is Taking Things for Granted Ever Good?
Believe it or not, there’s a flip side. If we didn't take anything for granted, we’d be catatonic with sensory overload. Imagine having to be consciously grateful for every single heartbeat. You’d never get anything done. You’d be standing over your toaster weeping with joy at the miracle of browned bread.
Taking things for granted is a form of cognitive peace. It allows us to focus on higher-level problems. The goal isn’t to eliminate the habit entirely—that’s impossible. The goal is to be selective.
Don't take the people for granted. Take the physics of the chair you're sitting on for granted. That's fine. The chair doesn't have feelings. But your mom does. Your coworkers do. The person in the car next to you does.
Actionable Next Steps to Shift Your Perspective
If you feel like you've been stuck in a rut of entitlement or just general "meh-ness" about your life, try these immediate shifts:
- Audit your "Invisibles": Write down three things that happened today that went right but you didn't comment on. Maybe the internet didn't lag. Maybe your coffee was hot. Maybe your kid put their shoes on the first time you asked.
- The "Subtract One" Exercise: Pick one thing you use every day—your microwave, your favorite pen, your left hand—and try to go two hours without using it. Watch how quickly your appreciation for that thing skyrockets.
- Verbally Reset: Next time you catch yourself saying "I have to go to work" or "I have to cook dinner," change the verb. "I get to go to work." "I get to cook dinner." It sounds cheesy, but it reframes the obligation as a privilege.
What take it for granted means is ultimately a loss of perspective. It is the tragedy of the "already had." By intentionally pulling things out of the background and into the foreground, you don't just become "nicer"—you actually start enjoying your life more. You realize you’re already sitting on a pile of gold; you just forgot to look down.
Stop waiting for something to break before you notice it's working.
Practical Implementation:
Identify one person in your life who is "reliably there." This week, acknowledge a specific action they take that you usually ignore. Do not wait for a special occasion. The lack of an occasion is exactly why it matters. By breaking the cycle of the "granted," you reinforce the value of the connection before the "stubbed toe" moment occurs.