You’re at a dinner party in a nice suburb of Chicago or maybe a cramped apartment in Brooklyn. Everyone is laughing. The food is great. Then, someone mentions how much they actually take home after taxes.
The room goes cold.
That’s taboo in American style for you. It’s a weird, invisible fence that we all pretend isn't there until someone trips over it. Americans pride themselves on being bold, loud, and "real," but we have these bizarre, unwritten rules about what is actually okay to discuss. We will tell a total stranger about our messy divorce or a recent surgery before we ever tell our best friend our credit score.
It’s inconsistent. It’s frustrating. Honestly, it's kinda fascinating once you start digging into why we act this way.
The Great Money Secret
For a country built on the idea of the "American Dream" and chasing the bag, we sure do hate talking about the bag once we have it.
Think about it. We see billionaire influencers flexing on Instagram every day. We see the cars. We see the houses. But if you ask your coworker, "Hey, what’s your salary?" it’s treated like you just asked to see their browser history. This is a core part of taboo in American style. Research from groups like the National Women’s Law Center shows that pay secrecy actually helps maintain the wage gap, yet the social pressure to keep your mouth shut remains incredibly high.
Why? Because in America, your net worth is tied to your self-worth.
If I tell you I make $45,000 and you make $90,000, the "style" of American taboo dictates that I’m not just poorer—I’m less successful as a human. We avoid the topic to protect our egos. It’s not just about being polite. It’s about survival in a hyper-competitive social hierarchy.
Why Gen Z is breaking the mold
Younger workers are starting to get loud about this. You've probably seen "salary transparency" TikToks where people literally hold up signs in the street showing their pay. They’re realizing that the "taboo" mostly just benefits the boss. If nobody knows what anyone else makes, nobody knows they’re being underpaid.
But even with this shift, go to a Thanksgiving dinner and try to bring up your student loan debt or your 401k balance. You’ll see the older generations physically recoil. It’s baked into the DNA of the Boomer and Gen X professional world.
The Politics of the Dinner Table
We’ve all heard the old rule: Never discuss religion or politics.
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In the 1950s, this was a way to keep the peace. Today, it’s a minefield. Politics has shifted from a set of opinions to a core identity. When you challenge someone's political take, you aren't just debating policy—you're basically telling them their entire worldview is broken.
What’s interesting about taboo in American style here is the "polite avoidance." We use code words. We talk about "the economy" or "freedom" or "safety" to test the waters. If the other person doesn't bite, we retreat.
It’s exhausting.
The Pew Research Center has tracked this growing polarization for years. They've found that Americans are increasingly likely to view those in the opposing party as not just wrong, but actually immoral. That makes "polite" conversation almost impossible. So, we revert to taboo. We talk about the weather. We talk about the local sports team. We stay in the "safe" zone because the alternative is a shouting match that ruins the evening.
Death: The Ultimate American Silence
Americans are obsessed with staying young. We spend billions on Botox, gym memberships, and "biohacking" to live forever.
Because of this, death is the ultimate taboo.
In many other cultures, death is a communal event. You see the body. You mourn together. In the US, we've medicalized and sanitized it. We ship people off to hospitals and funeral homes. We use euphemisms like "passed away" or "no longer with us."
We don't talk about it.
Honestly, it makes us terrible at grieving. Since we don't talk about death, we don't know how to act when it happens to someone else. We say things like "Let me know if you need anything," which is basically code for "I’m uncomfortable and want to leave."
Dr. Jessica Zitter, an ICU physician and author of Extreme Measures, has written extensively about how this refusal to face death leads to a lot of unnecessary suffering. We don't have the conversations about end-of-life care because they feel "dark." So, we end up in crises without a plan.
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The "Death Cafe" Movement
There is a small, weirdly cool counter-movement happening. People are literally gathering in cafes to drink coffee and talk about dying. It’s a direct rebellion against the standard taboo in American style. It’s about stripping away the fear by just... saying the words.
Health and the "Fine" Reflex
How are you?
"I'm fine."
You could be going through a grueling bout of depression or dealing with a chronic illness, but the American social script demands "I'm fine."
We have a weird taboo around "bumming people out." We want to be the "can-do" people. The "grind" people. Admitting to a health struggle—especially a mental health one—feels like admitting a weakness.
- The Workplace: Most people still won't tell their boss they're taking a "mental health day." They'll lie and say it's a sinus infection.
- Social Media: We post the highlight reel. The "ugly" side of health is usually hidden unless it can be framed as a "triumph over adversity" story.
We like stories of recovery. We hate stories of ongoing struggle. That’s a key distinction in how we handle these topics.
Class and the "Middle Class" Myth
In the UK, people talk about class constantly. In America, almost everyone—from the person making $30k to the person making $250k—claims to be "middle class."
Acknowledging class differences is deeply taboo in American style.
If we acknowledge class, we have to acknowledge that the playing field isn't level. And that goes against the core American myth of meritocracy. So, we ignore it. We pretend that everyone has the same opportunities, even when the data on social mobility (like the stuff from the Raj Chetty studies at Harvard) shows that where you’re born is a huge predictor of where you’ll end up.
How to Navigate the Taboo Landscape
So, what do you do with this? You can't just go around breaking every social rule and expect to keep your friends. But staying silent about important stuff is also killing us.
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Start with "Micro-Doses" of Honesty
You don't have to announce your salary to the whole office tomorrow. But maybe talk about it with one trusted colleague. See if you're both being treated fairly.
Ask Better Questions
Instead of "How are you?" try "How's your headspace today?" It signals that you're actually open to a real answer, not just the "I'm fine" script.
Acknowledge the Awkwardness
If you want to talk about something heavy, just say it: "I know this is a bit of a weird topic, but I’ve been thinking about [X]." This gives the other person permission to be uncomfortable, which oddly makes them more comfortable.
Focus on the "Why"
If you're going to break a taboo, have a reason. Don't just talk about death or money to be "edgy." Do it because you want to build a deeper connection or solve a problem.
The reality is that taboo in American style isn't going away. It's just shifting. Things that were taboo 20 years ago (like LGBTQ+ identities or tattoos) are now mainstream. Things that are "safe" now might become taboo later.
The goal isn't to be a social bulldozer. It's to be aware of the invisible lines we draw and decide for ourselves which ones are worth keeping and which ones are just holding us back from being actually, y'know, human with each other.
Moving Forward
- Audit your conversations: For one week, notice how many times you reflexively say "I'm fine" or change the subject when money comes up.
- Research your rights: Did you know the National Labor Relations Act actually protects your right to discuss wages with coworkers? Most people don't.
- Normalize the heavy stuff: Next time a friend is grieving or struggling, don't use a euphemism. Use real words. It's scary, but it's usually what they actually need.
We spend so much energy maintaining these taboos. Imagine what we could do if we just started talking.