Dating is broken. Everyone says it. You’ve probably felt it while swiping through a sea of headless torso photos or receiving a "u up?" text at three in the morning. It’s exhausting. Because of this digital fatigue, we’re seeing a weird, fascinating pivot back to something your great-grandmother would recognize: the suitor.
But wait.
📖 Related: What Element is Leo? Why the Fire Sign Actually Lives Up to the Hype
Before you picture a guy in a top hat holding a bouquet of wilted daisies, let’s be real. The modern suitor isn’t a Victorian relic. It’s a mindset. It is the intentional, focused pursuit of a partner, and it is diametrically opposed to the "situationship" culture that has dominated the last decade. People are tired of being an option among fifty other tabs open on a browser. They want to be sought after.
The Suitor vs. The Scroller: Why Intentionality Wins
The word "suitor" sounds dusty. It feels like it belongs in a Jane Austen novel or a history textbook about royal lineages. However, the etymology is actually quite simple—it comes from the Latin sequi, meaning "to follow" or "to attend."
In the context of 2026, a suitor is someone who has moved past the "seeing what's out there" phase. They aren't just looking for a hit of dopamine from a match notification.
Honesty is rare now. Most people lead with ambiguity because they're terrified of rejection or, worse, commitment. A suitor does the opposite. They state their intent. They plan. They actually pick up the phone. It sounds like basic human decency, but in a world of ghosting and "breadcrumbing," these actions feel like a superpower.
Think about the sheer cognitive load of modern dating. Dr. Barry Schwartz famously wrote about the "Paradox of Choice," and nowhere is this more evident than on Tinder or Hinge. When you have infinite options, you choose none. Or you choose poorly. A suitor cuts through that noise by choosing one.
It’s about focus.
How the Suitor Dynamic Actually Works Today
It's not just about men pursuing women, although that’s the traditional framing. The modern suitor dynamic is gender-neutral. It’s about the person who decides to step up and say, "I am interested in you specifically, and I am going to show you that through consistent action."
The "Courtship" Phase is No Longer Dead
We used to call this "courting." Then we called it "talking." Now, it’s often just "hanging out." The problem with "hanging out" is that it has no trajectory. It’s a circle.
A suitor creates a line.
They suggest a specific time and a specific place. They remember that you mentioned you hate cilantro. They don’t wait four days to text back to seem "cool." This isn't about being "simps" or being desperate; it’s about high-value communication. If you value your time, you don’t waste other people’s time with vague plans.
Vetting and the "Slow Burn"
One thing most people get wrong about the suitor approach is thinking it’s about rushing into a relationship. It’s actually the opposite. By being a suitor—or accepting one—you are committing to a vetting process.
According to data from relationship experts like Logan Ury, author of How to Not Die Alone, the "spark" is often a lie. It's usually just anxiety. The suitor model allows for the "slow burn." It gives two people the space to see if their values actually align when the adrenaline of the first date wears off.
The Economics of Attention
Let's talk about the business of your time. In any other sector, if you wanted to acquire something valuable, you’d put in the work. You’d research. You’d invest. For some reason, in dating, we’ve been told that putting in effort makes you the "loser."
✨ Don't miss: Bathing suits body types: Why your "shape" is basically a lie and how to actually shop
The suitor knows better.
By behaving like a suitor, you are essentially signaling your own market value. You are saying, "I am confident enough to lead." This is why we see a rise in "concierge" dating services and offline mixers. People are willing to pay—in time and money—to escape the low-effort swamp of the apps.
Why We Stopped Being Suitors (and Why It Failed)
The 2010s were the decade of the "hookup culture" peak. We thought total sexual liberation and the gamification of dating would make us happier.
It didn't.
Rates of loneliness are at an all-time high. A study from the Survey Center on American Life found that young adults are more likely to feel lonely than any other age group. Why? Because we replaced "suiting" with "browsing." When you browse, you don't connect.
The suitor model requires vulnerability. You have to put your cards on the table. If the other person says no, it hurts. But if they say yes, you have a foundation built on something real rather than a series of mind games.
Practical Steps to Transition from "Scroller" to "Suitor"
If you're tired of the cycle, you don't need a new app. You need a new strategy. It’s about changing how you interface with the people you’re interested in.
- The 24-Hour Rule: If you have a great time, say so within 24 hours. The "wait three days" rule was invented by people who were insecure. A suitor is secure.
- Specific Invitations: Stop saying "we should do something sometime." That is a death sentence for a potential connection. Instead, try: "I’m going to that new exhibit on Thursday, I’d love for you to join me."
- The Phone Call Test: In an era of voice notes and DMs, a five-minute phone call to iron out plans is a massive differentiator. It builds intimacy faster than a week of texting.
- Active Listening as a Tool: A suitor isn't just someone who talks; they are someone who observes. If they mentioned their favorite childhood book, find a vintage copy. It’s not about the money; it’s about the fact that you were present.
- Set an End Date for Ambiguity: If you’ve been "suiting" someone for a month and you don't know where they stand, ask. A suitor values their own time too much to stay in a "maybe" forever.
The Risks of the Suitor Approach
It's not all roses. There is a fine line between being a suitor and being overbearing.
Boundaries matter.
A true suitor respects the "no." If the energy isn't returned, they don't double down; they walk away with their dignity intact. The goal isn't to wear someone down. The goal is to see if there is a mutual "hell yes."
We also have to acknowledge the "love bombing" red flag. There is a massive difference between consistent interest and the overwhelming, manipulative grandiosity seen in narcissists. A suitor is consistent over time. A love bomber is intense for a week and then disappears. Look for the "long game."
Moving Forward: The Return of the Intentional Romantic
The word "suitor" might still feel a bit clunky, but the energy behind it is the future of dating. We are moving toward a "quality over quantity" era. People are deleting their apps and looking for ways to meet in the real world—run clubs, pottery classes, or through friends.
In these environments, the person who acts like a suitor—the one who takes the risk to initiate and follow through—is the one who wins.
Stop being a passive participant in your own love life. If you want something better than a "U up?" text, you have to start by being the person who sends a "I've booked a table for 7:00" text. It’s a small shift, but it changes everything.
✨ Don't miss: Wake, Committee, or Kettle: What a Group of Buzzards Is Actually Called
Take action today: If there is someone you've been "sorta" seeing or someone you've been hesitant to reach out to, send one clear, intentional message. No emojis. No "haha." Just a clear invitation. See what happens when you stop scrolling and start suiting.