You’ve probably seen the headlines. A woman in a white dress, holding a bouquet, standing in front of a mirror or a small group of friends, promising to love, honor, and cherish... herself. It sounds like the plot of a quirky indie movie or maybe just a desperate cry for attention in the age of Instagram. But sologamy—the act of a woman gets married to herself—is a real, growing cultural phenomenon that has moved far beyond the "Sex and the City" episode where Carrie Bradshaw registered at Manolo Blahnik.
It’s easy to scoff. Honestly, the first time I heard about it, I thought it was just peak narcissism. However, when you dig into the stories of women like Kshama Bindu in India or Sophie Tanner in the UK, you realize there is a much deeper, more complex layer of social commentary happening here. This isn’t just about the party. It’s about a fundamental shift in how we view the "happily ever after" narrative that has been shoved down our throats for centuries.
The Reality of the Self-Wedding Trend
Let's get the legal stuff out of the way first. No, sologamy is not legally recognized anywhere in the world. You don’t get tax breaks. You don’t get a change in legal status. There is no paperwork to file with the government. For most, that’s precisely the point. It is a symbolic ceremony.
Take Kshama Bindu, for example. In 2022, she became India’s first widely publicized sologamist. Her wedding in Vadodara included traditional Vedic rituals and pheras (circumambulations around a sacred fire), but there was no groom. She faced massive backlash from local politicians and social media trolls. Why? Because she dared to suggest that a woman could be "complete" without a partner. In a culture where marriage is often seen as the ultimate destination for a woman's worth, her choice was an act of quiet rebellion.
Then you have Sophie Tanner, who famously married herself in Brighton, UK, back in 2015. She even wrote a novel about it. She’s been very vocal about the fact that her wedding wasn't about rejecting men or being "anti-marriage." It was about a lifelong commitment to her own well-being. She even "cheated" on herself later by dating someone, which she handled with a great sense of humor, pointing out that loving yourself doesn't mean you can't love others. It just means you don't depend on them to validate your existence.
Why Is This Happening Now?
The timing isn't accidental. We are living in an era where the median age of first marriage is skyrocketing. People are staying single longer. Some are staying single forever.
- Financial Independence: Women no longer need a husband's signature to open a bank account or buy a house (a reality that is surprisingly recent in historical terms).
- The Burnout of Modern Dating: Dating apps have turned finding a partner into a second job. Many women are simply exhausted by the "swipe" culture and are choosing to invest that energy back into themselves.
- Healing from Trauma: For some, a self-wedding is a ritual of reclamation after a toxic relationship or a period of low self-esteem.
It's a "commitment to the self." It sounds crunchy and "woo-woo," but for many, it's a vital psychological milestone.
What People Get Wrong About Sologamy
The most common criticism is that it's narcissistic. "Look at me, I'm so great I married myself!" But if you talk to these women, the vibe is usually the opposite. It’s often born out of a period of intense loneliness or a realization that they spent years waiting for someone else to make them feel special.
Think about the traditional wedding industry. It’s a multi-billion dollar machine designed to tell you that your life starts when you find "The One." When a woman gets married to herself, she is essentially hijacking that machinery. She’s saying, "I’m not going to wait for a man to have the party, wear the dress, and celebrate my life."
The "Loneliness" Myth
There's this weird societal assumption that if you aren't married by 35, you're either "broken" or "lonely." Sologamy challenges that. It flips the script from "I'm alone" to "I'm with myself." It sounds like a semantic trick, but the psychological difference is massive.
Being alone is a state of being. Loneliness is a feeling of lack. Sologamy is an attempt to turn solitude into a feast.
The Rituals: How It Actually Works
Since there are no rules, these ceremonies vary wildly. Some are private affairs in a bedroom with a candle and a journal. Others are full-blown galas with 100 guests and a three-tier cake.
- The Vows: This is the core. Instead of promising to care for someone else, the woman promises to care for her own mental health, to forgive her own mistakes, and to pursue her own dreams.
- The Ring: Many sologamists wear a ring on their left ring finger. It serves as a physical reminder of the commitment. Companies like "I Married Me" actually sell "self-wedding" kits that include a ring, vows, and affirmation cards.
- The Mirror: In many ceremonies, the bride stands before a mirror. This is the "altar." It’s a confrontation with the self that most people avoid their entire lives.
Interestingly, it's not just "single" women doing this. Some women who are already in committed relationships or even married to men choose to have a sologamy ceremony. They see it as a way to maintain their autonomy within the partnership. They are saying, "I am a whole person who is choosing to be with you, not a half-person looking for completion."
The Skeptic’s Corner: Valid Criticisms
I’d be remiss if I didn't mention the valid critiques. Some feminists argue that sologamy actually reinforces patriarchal norms rather than breaking them. By using the language and imagery of a "wedding"—the dress, the ring, the "I do"—are we just saying that a woman’s only path to validation is still through the lens of marriage, even if the groom is absent?
It’s a fair point. Why do we need the performance? Why can’t we just be happy being single without the lace and the buttercream frosting?
There's also the "commercialization of the self" aspect. When companies start selling "self-love rings" for $300, you have to wonder if we're just being sold another product under the guise of empowerment. Capitalism is very good at taking a radical idea and turning it into a gift registry.
Cultural Variations
It's not just a Western trend.
- Japan: "Solo weddings" have been a commercial service for years. Travel agencies in Kyoto offer packages where women can have a professional photoshoot in a kimono or wedding dress, complete with hair and makeup, without any of the social pressure of actually getting married.
- Italy: Laura Mesi, a fitness trainer, made headlines for her lavish self-wedding, stating she "firmly believes that each of us must first of all love ourselves."
Practical Steps: If You’re Considering It
If the idea of a woman gets married to herself resonates with you, you don't necessarily need a $10,000 party. It's about the intention.
Start with a "Self-Contract." Write down five non-negotiable promises to yourself. Maybe it’s about how you’ll talk to yourself in the mirror, or a commitment to your career, or a promise to never settle for a partner who treats you poorly again.
Reclaim a "Couples" Activity. Go to that high-end Italian restaurant alone. Take the trip to Bali. Buy the "good" bed sheets. Stop waiting for a "partner" to grant you permission to live a high-quality life.
The Mirror Exercise. It sounds cheesy, but try looking at yourself in the mirror for five minutes without criticizing your pores or your weight. Just look. Acknowledge that this person is the only person who will be with you from your first breath to your last.
Identify Your "Why." Are you doing it because you truly want to celebrate your journey? Or are you doing it to "show" an ex or your parents that you're fine? The latter won't give you the peace you're looking for. Sologamy is most effective when it is an internal "Yes" rather than an external "Look at me."
Ultimately, sologamy is a symptom of a world where traditional structures are crumbling. People are looking for new ways to find meaning. Whether you think it's a beautiful act of self-love or a bizarre social trend, it forces us to ask a very important question: If you don't commit to yourself, who will?
Next Steps for Personal Growth:
- Audit your "Self-Talk": For one week, keep a log of how many times you criticize yourself versus how many times you encourage yourself.
- Establish a Solo Ritual: Set aside one evening a week that is strictly for you—no phones, no "checking in" with others, just your own company.
- Invest in Your Autonomy: Ensure your financial and emotional "house" is in order so that any future partnerships are a choice, not a necessity.