Honestly, if you haven’t sat in a quiet room and felt the absolute weight of 19th-century China pressing down on you through the pages of Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See, you're missing out on one of the most gut-wrenching experiences in historical fiction. It’s not just a book about "best friends." That’s a total understatement. It’s a brutal, beautiful, and deeply researched look at a world where women were essentially prisoners of their own homes—and their own feet.
I've talked to so many people who finished this book feeling just... devastated. And usually, it’s because of that one massive misunderstanding between Lily and Snow Flower. You know the one. The fan. The secret writing. The feeling that everything was a lie. But to really "get" what Lisa See was doing, you have to look past the tragedy and see the actual history she dug up.
The Reality of Nu Shu: It Wasn't Just a "Secret Code"
Most people think nu shu was just a cute way for girls to pass notes without their husbands knowing. Nope. It was a literal lifeline. In the remote Jiangyong County of Hunan province, women were denied formal education. They weren't taught "men's writing." So, they did what humans do when they're pushed into a corner: they invented their own world.
Nu shu is the only gender-based written language ever found in the world. Think about that for a second. It’s phonetic, it’s graceful, and it was often embroidered into cloth or painted onto fans—like the titular secret fan.
Why the Laotong Bond Was So Intense
In the book, Lily and Snow Flower are laotong, or "old sames." This isn't just being "BFFs."
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- It was a formal, legalistic contract.
- It was often more emotionally significant than marriage.
- The match depended on "eight characters"—astrological signs, birth dates, even foot size.
- A woman could only have one laotong in her entire life.
Basically, while a marriage was for producing sons, a laotong relationship was for the soul. Lisa See captures this so well because she doesn't romanticize it. She shows that because these women had nothing else, their grip on each other became almost suffocatingly tight.
The Footbinding Scenes: Why They're So Hard to Read
You've probably heard about footbinding, but See’s descriptions are... a lot. I remember reading the section where Lily’s mother is breaking the bones in her daughter’s feet and thinking, How could a mother do this?
But that’s the complexity See brings to the table. In that culture, "mother love" (teng ai) was expressed through pain. If a mother didn't bind her daughter's feet tightly enough, the girl wouldn't get a good marriage. She’d be a "big-footed" outcast. The goal was the "Golden Lotus"—a foot only about three inches long.
It’s stomach-turning. But it's factually accurate to the period. The "beauty" was a symbol of high status because it meant the woman was so wealthy she didn't need to walk or work. She was a literal ornament.
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What Really Happened with the Secret Fan?
The climax of the book centers on a tragic "lost in translation" moment. When Snow Flower is struggling with poverty and a violent husband, she sends Lily a message in nu shu on their shared fan.
Lily, who has become the wealthy and powerful Lady Lu, misinterprets Snow Flower’s words. She thinks Snow Flower is replacing her with "sworn sisters." In a fit of jealous rage, Lily publicly shames her friend.
Here is what people miss: Lily’s inability to forgive wasn't just about the fan. It was about her own trauma. She had been trained her whole life to obey, to be perfect, and to value status. When she saw Snow Flower "failing" at life (being poor, having a bad husband), Lily's internal programming made her view it as a betrayal of their contract.
It’s only on Snow Flower’s deathbed that Lily realizes the truth. Snow Flower wasn't replacing her; she was just looking for a little bit of empathy that Lily, in her rigid "perfect" life, wasn't giving.
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Why Snow Flower and the Secret Fan Still Matters in 2026
You might think, Okay, this is ancient history, why does it matter now? Because the themes are timeless. We still have "secret languages" in our friendships. We still have societal pressures that tell us how we should look or act to be "valuable." Lisa See uses the specific, gritty details of the Qing Dynasty to tell a story about how easily we can hurt the people we love most when we let pride get in the way.
If you’re looking to dive deeper into this world, here are a few things you should actually do:
- Check out the documentary Hidden Letters (2022). It’s a modern look at the remnants of nu shu and how women in China are trying to preserve it today without it being turned into a tourist trap.
- Look up the actual Jiangyong nu shu script. Seeing the characters—which look like long, thin bird scratches—makes the "secret fan" feel much more real than just words on a page.
- Read Lisa See’s research notes. She actually traveled to the remote parts of Hunan to find the last living practitioners of the language. Her dedication to factual accuracy is what makes the book feel so "human" despite the alien culture.
The most important takeaway? Don't be a Lily. Don't let a misunderstanding or a rigid sense of "how things should be" destroy a connection that took a lifetime to build. Sometimes, the most important things are the ones written between the lines.
Take Actionable Steps
- Re-read the "Letter of Vituperation" chapter. Now that you know the historical context of nu shu’s ambiguity, look for the double meanings Lily missed.
- Visit the official Lisa See website. She has a gallery of the actual shoes and fans that inspired the book, which helps ground the story in physical reality.
- Explore "The Tea Girl of Hummingbird Lane." If you liked the cultural depth of Snow Flower, this is See’s other masterpiece that explores the Akha people and the history of Pu-erh tea.
The story of Lily and Snow Flower is a reminder that while history can be written by men, the "secret" history of the heart is almost always kept by women.