Language changes. It’s annoying, it’s fast, and it’s constant. You’ve probably noticed people using "they" to describe a single person and wondered what does they mean in a context that used to require "he" or "she." Honestly, it’s not just a Gen Z trend or a social media quirk. It’s actually a return to form for the English language, though it feels like a massive headache for anyone who grew up with strict grammar teachers breathing down their necks.
We are living through a linguistic shift. Some people hate it. Others find it liberating. But if you want to understand the mechanics of modern conversation, you have to look at how a plural pronoun became the most debated singular word in the dictionary.
💡 You might also like: Why a blow up bed queen is still the best solution for your terrible guest room
The History of Singular They Might Surprise You
Most people think this started five minutes ago on TikTok. It didn't. Grammarians have been fighting over this for centuries. If you look at the works of Geoffrey Chaucer or even William Shakespeare, you’ll find the singular they tucked away in classic literature. In The Canterbury Tales, written in the late 1300s, Chaucer used it. Shakespeare used it in The Comedy of Errors. Even Jane Austen, the queen of proper English, used it in Mansfield Park to refer to a person whose gender wasn't the main point of the sentence.
The "rule" that we must use "he" as a generic pronoun was actually a 18th-century invention by grammarians who wanted English to act more like Latin. It was a conscious choice to make the language more rigid. For a long time, if you didn't know someone's gender, you were told to just say "he." That felt clunky. Then we tried "he or she," which felt even clunkier. "They" was always sitting there in the background, waiting to be used naturally.
In 2019, Merriam-Webster officially added the singular "they" as a nonbinary pronoun. The American Psychological Association (APA) followed suit. This wasn't some radical political move; it was a reflection of how people actually talk. Linguists call this "descriptive grammar." It means the dictionary follows the people, not the other way around.
What Does They Mean in a Nonbinary Context?
When people ask what does they mean today, they are usually talking about identity. It’s a way for individuals who don't feel like a "he" or a "she" to navigate the world. This is where it gets tricky for some. We are used to pronouns being a binary choice. You see someone, you categorize them, you pick a word.
But for nonbinary, genderqueer, or gender-fluid people, "they" is a neutral space. It’s a refusal to be put into one of two boxes. It’s important to realize that this isn't about being "confused." It's about accuracy. If a person tells you their name is Sam and their pronouns are they/them, using "he" is technically a factual error in that conversation.
It’s about respect. Basically, it's the same as calling someone by the nickname they prefer. You wouldn't insist on calling a "Robert" by "Bob" if he told you he hates it. Pronouns are becoming a similar social contract.
The Mental Resistance to the Shift
Why does this make people so angry? Brains like patterns. We learn a rule when we are six years old, and we expect it to stay the same forever. When someone changes the "code" of the language, it feels like the ground is moving under your feet.
There is also the "singular/plural" glitch. Your brain hears "they" and looks for a group of people. When it only sees one person, there’s a microsecond of processing lag. This is what makes people say it "sounds wrong." But think about the word "you." Did you know "you" used to be strictly plural? "Thou" was the singular version. Eventually, "thou" died out, and "you" became both singular and plural. Nobody complains about "you" being grammatically incorrect today. We just got used to it. We will get used to "they" too.
📖 Related: Pizza Jamie Oliver Dough: Why This Recipe Still Beats Every Frozen Option
Common Misconceptions About the Usage
- It’s a brand new invention: False. It’s been in use since the 1300s.
- It makes sentences confusing: Sometimes, maybe. But "he" and "she" are also confusing in a room full of men or women. Context usually does the heavy lifting.
- You have to change the verb: Nope. You still say "they are," even if you’re talking about one person. You wouldn't say "they is" unless you’re trying to sound like a very specific 1920s jazz singer.
Navigating Workplace and Social Etiquette
If you’re a manager or a teacher, you’ve probably had to think about this more than most. Many companies now include pronouns in email signatures. This isn't just for people who use they/them. It’s a signal. It says, "I understand that pronouns are a choice, and I’m making mine clear so you can feel comfortable making yours clear too."
If you mess up, don't make a huge scene. That’s the biggest mistake people make. They realize they used the wrong word and then spend five minutes apologizing, which just makes the other person feel awkward and forced to comfort you for your mistake. Just correct yourself and move on. "He—sorry, they—went to the store." Done. Simple.
The Evolution of Identity in the 2020s
The 2020s have been a decade of deconstruction. We are deconstructing work (remote vs. office), we are deconstructing religion, and we are definitely deconstructing gender. The rise of "they" is a symptom of a larger cultural shift toward individualism. People want to be seen as they are, not as they fit into a pre-existing category.
Social media played a massive role. Platforms like Instagram and LinkedIn adding pronoun fields normalized the conversation. Before the internet, you might never have met someone who used they/them pronouns. Now, you see it in bios every single day. This exposure has accelerated the linguistic shift that usually takes decades or centuries.
How to Get Better at Using Singular They
If you’re struggling, practice in your head. When you’re people-watching at a park, try to describe people using "they." "They are wearing a red hat." "They look like they’re in a hurry." It feels clunky at first. Then it becomes a habit.
📖 Related: Why Most Pajama Pants for Women Cotton Lovers Are Getting Ripped Off
The goal isn't to be a perfect "woke" warrior. The goal is communication. If the person you are talking to feels seen and respected, the communication is successful. If you are stuck on the "grammar" of it, you’re missing the point of the conversation. Language is a tool, not a cage.
Actionable Steps for Moving Forward
- Check your bias: Ask yourself why it feels uncomfortable. Is it actually the grammar, or is it the change in social norms?
- Update your professional assets: If you're in a client-facing role, consider adding your own pronouns to your LinkedIn. It’s a low-effort way to show you’re aware of modern communication standards.
- Listen more than you correct: If someone uses "they" to refer to themselves, don't correct their grammar. It’s their identity, not a term paper.
- Read modern style guides: Look at the AP Stylebook or the Chicago Manual of Style. They both have sections on the singular they now. Seeing the "official" rules can help ease the anxiety of feeling like you’re breaking the law of English.
The reality of what does they mean is that it means whatever we, as a society, decide it means. Right now, we are deciding it means flexibility. It means a person is more than just a binary checkbox. It’s a small word doing a lot of heavy lifting for the future of how we relate to one another. Stop worrying about the 18th-century grammarians and start worrying about the person standing in front of you.