It’s a weird spot to be in. You’re hanging out with someone, the chemistry is undeniably there, but there’s a catch—she’s already taken. You aren't imagining the sparks. At the same time, you aren't trying to be a "homewrecker" either. Navigating the signs she has a bf but likes you feels like walking through a minefield where the map is written in a language you only half-understand.
Human attraction doesn't just switch off because of a relationship status. It’s messy. Sometimes people stay in comfortable but dead relationships while their hearts start wandering elsewhere. Psychologists often refer to this as "monkey branching" or emotional infidelity, but for the person on the outside looking in, it just feels like a massive headache. You’re constantly questioning if she’s just being friendly or if she’s actually waiting for an exit strategy.
The Subtle Psychology of "The Other Guy"
Most people think that if a girl likes you, she’ll just leave her boyfriend. Real life is rarely that clean. According to research on investment models in relationships by Dr. Caryl Rusbult, people stay in relationships not just because of satisfaction, but because of the "investments" they’ve made—shared friends, time, or even just habit.
So, she might genuinely like you, but she’s scared of the chaos that comes with a breakup.
When you're looking for signs she has a bf but likes you, you have to look at the frequency of her communication. Is she texting you late at night? Nighttime is intimate. If she’s curled up on her couch while her boyfriend is in the other room and she’s choosing to digital-whisper in your ear, that’s a massive indicator. It’s not just about what she says; it’s about the "attention budget" she’s spending on you. We all have limited mental energy. If she’s giving you the lion's share of her excitement, her current relationship is likely starving.
She Complains... But Not Too Much
One of the most confusing signs she has a bf but likes you is how she talks about her partner. You might think she’d trash-talk him constantly if she wanted to be with you. Actually, many women will vent about specific frustrations to test your reaction. She’s looking for a "comparison point."
If she says, "He never really listens when I talk about my career goals," and then follows it up with, "I love how you actually remember the details I tell you," she isn't just venting. She is building a bridge. She’s highlighting his deficits and your strengths. It’s a subtle way of justifying her attraction to you in her own head.
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Breaking Down the Physical Proximity
Body language is harder to fake than words. Even if she’s trying to be "good" and stay loyal, her biology might be betraying her. Look for the "lean." When you’re in a group, where are her toes pointing? Proximity matters. If she’s constantly finding reasons to be in your physical orbit—sitting next to you, "accidentally" brushing your arm, or lingering when saying goodbye—these are classic signs she has a bf but likes you.
Then there’s the eye contact.
There is a specific kind of look that goes beyond "friendship." It’s the gaze that lingers a second too long. If you catch her looking at you when someone else in the group tells a joke, she’s checking to see if you’re laughing. She wants to share that moment with you, not her boyfriend. This is what experts call "shared reality." She’s building a private world with you inside the public one.
The Social Media Deep Dive
Does she interact with your posts more than her boyfriend's?
Maybe she doesn't post him at all. Or, perhaps more telling, she posts "sad girl" quotes or songs about being misunderstood right after you guys have a deep conversation. In 2026, social media is basically a digital mood ring. If she’s "liking" your old photos or responding to your stories within minutes, you’re on her mind.
Why She Hasn't Left Him Yet
This is the part that hurts. You see the signs she has a bf but likes you, but she’s still going to his sister’s wedding or posting "anniversary" photos. Why?
Fear of the unknown is a powerful drug.
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She might be waiting for a "sure thing." It’s a defense mechanism. She wants to know that if she blows up her current life, you’ll actually be there to catch her. This creates a stalemate. You don't want to commit because she has a boyfriend; she doesn't want to leave because she isn't sure about you.
It’s also possible she’s experiencing "limerence." This is a state of infatuation where she’s addicted to the dopamine hit you provide. You are the "escape" from her boring or stressful reality. In this scenario, she might like the feeling of liking you more than she actually wants a relationship with you.
The Danger Zones: Signs to Watch Out For
Not all interest is good interest. You have to be careful. Sometimes a girl will show signs she has a bf but likes you because she’s a "validation seeker." She needs to know she’s still got it. She uses you to boost her ego so she can go back to her boyfriend feeling more confident.
How do you tell the difference?
Consistency.
A girl who genuinely likes you will make sacrifices to see you. A validation seeker will only talk to you when it’s convenient for her or when she’s feeling low. If she disappears for three days every time she has a good weekend with her boyfriend, you’re the backup singer, not the lead guitarist.
The "Friend Zone" Protection
Sometimes she’ll use the phrase "You’re such a good friend" as a shield. If she says this while staring intensely into your eyes or touching your hair, she’s trying to convince herself more than you. It’s a way to alleviate the guilt of her attraction. By labeling it "friendship," she feels she isn't technically cheating, even if the emotional intimacy has long passed that line.
What You Actually Need to Do
Seeing the signs she has a bf but likes you is one thing. Acting on them is another.
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First, stop being her emotional crutch. If you’re providing all the emotional support of a boyfriend without any of the commitment, she has no reason to leave him. She has the best of both worlds: stability with him and excitement with you. You have to create a "void."
- Set Boundaries: If she’s complaining about her boyfriend again, tell her, "I don't think it’s a good idea for me to be the person you vent to about him." It’s honest and it forces her to deal with her relationship issues herself.
- Don't Be Always Available: If she texts you at 11 PM, don't reply until the next morning. Show her that your attention isn't a free commodity.
- The Direct Approach: Eventually, the "signs" aren't enough. If this has been going on for months, you have to have the talk. "I feel like there’s something between us, but you’re in a relationship, and I’m not okay with being the third person in this."
The Ethical Crossroads
Real talk: How she treats him is how she will eventually treat you. If she’s sneaking around or emotionally cheating on him with you, what makes you think she won't do the same when things get "boring" in your relationship two years from now?
Character matters.
The best-case scenario is that she realizes her current relationship is over, ends it with integrity, takes some time to be single, and then approaches you. Any other path usually leads to a messy foundation that’s hard to build a house on.
Watch for the patterns. Is she a serial monogamist who can't be alone? Or is she genuinely in a bad situation and you’re the wake-up call she needed? The distinction is everything.
Actionable Next Steps
- Audit the "Intimacy Gap": Write down how often she initiates contact compared to her partner. If she’s talking to you more than him, she’s already checked out emotionally.
- Test the Physical Boundary: Next time you’re together, lean in slightly closer than usual. If she holds her ground or leans in further, the attraction is physical, not just "friendly."
- Withdraw the Support: Stop being the "fixer" for her relationship problems for two weeks. Observe if her interest in you remains or if she gets frustrated that you aren't "useful" anymore.
- Define Your Value: Decide if you’re okay with being a "secret" or a "side-plot." If the answer is no, prepare yourself to walk away if she doesn't make a choice. No one deserves to be someone's "maybe."