You’ve probably met someone who just can’t seem to tell the truth about anything. Not even the small stuff. They tell you they had lobster for lunch when they actually had a ham sandwich. They claim they met a celebrity at the grocery store. It feels weird, right? Most of us feel a little guilty when we tell a white lie to spare someone's feelings. But for some people, lying is as natural as breathing. We call this pseudologia fantastica. Or, more commonly, pathological lying.
Identifying the signs of pathological lying isn't always as easy as spotting a growing nose like Pinocchio. It's subtle. It’s a pattern. It’s an exhausting marathon of fabrications that eventually leaves everyone around the liar feeling confused and gaslit. Honestly, it’s less about the "big reveal" and more about the slow realization that the person's reality doesn't match the one everyone else is living in.
Why Do They Even Do It?
The big question everyone asks is why. Why lie about something that doesn't matter? Dr. Charles Dike, a clinical professor of psychiatry at Yale University, has noted that pathological liars often lack a clear external motive. They aren't always lying to get out of trouble or to make money. Sometimes, they lie just because. It’s internal. It’s compulsive.
Think about a standard "social lie." You tell your coworker their new haircut looks great because you don't want to be a jerk. That has a clear goal: social harmony. A pathological liar might tell that same coworker they used to own a hair salon in Paris. Why? There’s no benefit. They didn’t. But in that moment, the lie serves a deep-seated need to be seen as interesting, powerful, or perhaps even a victim.
The stories are often incredibly detailed. They’re colorful. If you pay attention, you'll notice the signs of pathological lying often manifest as a desperate attempt to center themselves in every narrative. They are always the hero or the tragic martyr. Never just a bystander.
The Red Flags You’re Probably Ignoring
Most of us want to believe people. It’s our default setting. Because of that, we overlook the early warnings.
One of the most prominent signs of pathological lying is the sheer complexity of the stories. They don't just say they went for a walk; they say they rescued a stray kitten from a storm drain while on that walk. When you ask for details, they have them. Too many of them. They’ll describe the color of the kitten's eyes and the exact temperature of the drain water. This is a tactic. It’s meant to add a layer of "truthiness" to the fabrication.
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But watch what happens when you ask a follow-up question three days later. The details shift. The kitten was a puppy. The storm drain was an alleyway. If you point it out, they don't apologize. They double down. They might even get angry at you for "misremembering" what they said. This is classic gaslighting, and it's a defensive mechanism used to protect the false reality they’ve built.
The "Too Good To Be True" Resume
In a professional setting, this gets dangerous. You see it in people who claim degrees from universities that don't exist or past jobs at companies that never heard of them. Take the case of George Santos, the former U.S. Representative. While the legalities are complex, his public history became a textbook case study for many psychologists regarding public, chronic fabrication. He claimed a history at Goldman Sachs and Citigroup that simply didn't exist. He claimed he was a star volleyball player. When the curtain was pulled back, the layers of lies were dizzying.
It's Not the Same as Being a Sociopath
People often mix up pathological lying with Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). They are related, sure, but they aren't the same thing.
A person with NPD lies to bolster their ego and maintain a position of superiority. A person with ASPD (a "sociopath") lies to manipulate others for personal gain, like money or sex. But a pure pathological liar? They might lie even when it hurts them. They might lie when it makes them look bad. They are often impulsive. They live in the moment of the lie.
Research published in the British Journal of Psychiatry suggests that some pathological liars actually have structural differences in their brains. One study found that these individuals had an increase in white matter (the "wiring" of the brain) in the prefrontal cortex. Basically, their brains are better at making connections and spinning yarns quickly, but they lack the "braking system" that tells a normal person, "Hey, this is a lie, stop talking."
How to Spot the Pattern Early
If you suspect you're dealing with this, stop looking at the individual lies. Look at the arc.
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The Hero/Victim Dynamic. Are they always the one who saved the day? Or are they always the person who was uniquely wronged by a "crazy" ex, a "jealous" boss, or a "corrupt" system? Chronic liars rarely occupy the middle ground of being an average person who makes mistakes.
The "Glazed Over" Look. Sometimes, when you catch them in a lie, they don't look panicked. They look... blank. It's like they're rebooting. They are quickly scanning their mental files to see which new lie can cover the hole in the old one.
Inconsistency in History. They have no long-term friends. This is a massive red flag. If everyone from their past is "toxic" or "lost touch," it’s often because those people eventually caught on to the signs of pathological lying and cut ties. Lies have a shelf life. It’s hard to keep a lie going for ten years with the same group of people.
Vague Answers to Simple Questions. Ask them something basic. "What did you do this weekend?" If the answer is a twenty-minute saga involving a high-speed chase and a secret wedding, be wary. Conversely, if they become weirdly evasive about where they went to high school, that’s also a sign.
Living in the "Post-Truth" Personal Reality
It's important to understand that for some, the lie becomes the truth. There’s a psychological phenomenon where, through repeated telling, the liar actually begins to believe their own nonsense. This is why they can pass a lie detector test sometimes. They aren't feeling the physical stress of lying because, in their mind, they’ve rewritten the memory.
This makes dealing with them nearly impossible. You can’t "reason" someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into. If you present them with physical evidence—a receipt, a photo, a document—they will often claim the evidence is faked. It’s a total rejection of shared reality.
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The Toll on Mental Health
If you are the one being lied to, the impact is devastating. You start to doubt your own memory. You think, Maybe I am just being cynical? No. You aren't. Trust your gut. If something feels "off," it usually is.
According to Dr. Judith Orloff, author of The Empath's Survival Guide, being around chronic liars can lead to "emotional vampires" syndrome, where you feel physically and mentally drained. You are constantly on high alert, trying to decode what is real and what is fiction. It’s a form of psychological trauma.
Actionable Steps: What Do You Actually Do?
So, you’ve identified the signs of pathological lying in a partner, a friend, or a coworker. What now? You can't fix them. That’s the first thing you have to accept.
Don't engage in the fantasy. When they tell a story that you know is a lie, don't nod and go "Wow, really?" That just reinforces the behavior. You don't have to start a fight, but you can remain neutral. Use phrases like, "That's an interesting story," or "I see you view it that way."
Set hard boundaries. If this is a coworker, keep everything in writing. If they tell you they finished a report, check the files. Don't take their word for it. If it's a personal relationship, you have to decide if you can live with never knowing the truth. Most people can't.
Document the discrepancies. Not for them, but for you. Keep a small note on your phone. When the story changes, write it down. This keeps you grounded in reality so they can't gaslight you into thinking you're the one losing it.
Encourage professional help (with low expectations). Pathological lying is often a symptom of something deeper—trauma, personality disorders, or neurodevelopmental issues. However, therapy only works if the person is honest with the therapist. See the irony? Many pathological liars go to therapy and lie to the therapist, too.
Ultimately, protecting your own peace is the priority. Chronic dishonesty isn't just a quirk; it's a barrier to genuine human connection. You deserve to be around people whose words have weight. If someone’s "truth" is a moving target, it might be time to stop chasing it. Focus on your own reality, stay observant, and don't be afraid to walk away from a narrative that doesn't make sense. Ground yourself in facts. Surround yourself with people who value the truth as much as you do.