Let’s be honest. Most of the advice floating around about sex positions women love feels like it was written by someone who has never actually spent time in a bedroom. You’ve seen the lists. They usually suggest some gymnastic feat involving a ceiling fan or a position that requires the flexibility of a Cirque du Soleil performer.
It’s exhausting.
Actually, it’s worse than exhausting; it’s often physically uncomfortable. Real intimacy isn't a stunt. It’s about angles, friction, and—most importantly—clitoral access. According to a 2017 study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, only about 18% of women reach orgasm through vaginal penetration alone. That means for the other 82%, the "classics" need a serious hardware update. If a position doesn't allow for external stimulation or a very specific type of internal grinding, it’s probably not going to make the "favorites" list.
The G-Spot myth and the reality of the Coital Alignment Technique
We need to talk about the "Man on Top" situation. Standard missionary is often cited as a default, but for many women, it’s just... okay. It’s fine. But "fine" isn't what we're going for here.
The reason missionary often misses the mark is the lack of clitoral contact. This is where the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT) comes in. It’s a variation of missionary that focuses on a grinding motion rather than a thrusting one. Instead of the partner being lower down, they move up so their pelvis is aligned with yours.
It feels different.
By staying high and using a rocking motion, the base of the penis or the pubic bone maintains constant pressure on the clitoris. Edward Eichel, the psychotherapist who popularized CAT, argued that this alignment is key to "synchrony." It’s less about the "pounding" seen in movies and more about a slow, rhythmic pressure that builds intensity. You might find that shortening the strokes makes a massive difference in how much you actually feel.
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Why pillows are your best friend
Don’t underestimate a firm pillow. Honestly, it’s the most underrated "sex toy" in existence.
Placing a pillow under the hips during any face-to-face position tilts the pelvis. This tiny adjustment changes the angle of entry, often allowing for better G-spot stimulation. It also makes it easier for your partner to reach your clitoris with their hand or a vibrator. If you haven't tried "The Prop," you’re missing out on a very simple way to turn a standard position into one of those sex positions women love.
The power of being in control (and why it’s not just about Cowgirl)
Most people assume "Woman on Top" is the gold standard for female pleasure because of the control factor. And yeah, being able to dictate the depth, speed, and angle is great. But traditional cowgirl can be tiring for the quads.
Enter: The Reverse Cowgirl variation where you lean forward.
Instead of sitting upright, try leaning over your partner's chest. This creates a more intimate, face-to-face (or face-to-neck) connection and changes the internal friction. It also allows you to use your hands to steady yourself or reach back.
But there’s a nuance here.
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A lot of women actually prefer "The Side-Lying Spoon." It’s low-effort but high-reward. Because both people are lying on their sides, there’s a lot of skin-to-skin contact. It’s "lazy" in the best way possible. From this angle, penetration is usually shallower, which sounds like a downside but actually allows for more focused stimulation on the highly sensitive outer third of the vaginal canal.
Let's get specific about Doggy Style
Doggy style is polarizing. Some love the depth; others find it hitting the cervix in a way that’s painful rather than pleasurable. To make this one of the sex positions women love, you have to tweak the mechanics.
Try "The Flat Frog."
Instead of being up on your hands and knees, drop your chest down to the bed. Keep your hips raised but your upper body flat. This narrows the vaginal canal and changes the "hit" point of penetration. It also makes it much easier for a partner to reach around and provide clitoral stimulation. Without that external touch, doggy style often feels incomplete for many women.
The "Scissor" and the importance of grinding
Sometimes, penetration isn't even the point. Or at least, it’s not the main point.
The Scissoring position—or "Tribadism"—is often associated with lesbian sex, but it’s incredibly effective in heterosexual pairings too. By intertwining legs and grinding vulva-to-vulva or vulva-to-thigh, you get a level of broad clitoral stimulation that a penis or toy often can’t replicate.
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It’s about the surface area.
When you focus on the entire vulva rather than just the internal canal, the orgasm often feels more "full-bodied." If you're incorporating a partner with a penis, you can still use these grinding motions in a modified "modified-X" position, where you lie across each other at an angle.
The physiological "Why"
Dr. Laurie Mintz, author of Becoming Cliterate, points out that the internal part of the clitoris is actually quite large—it wraps around the vaginal opening. This is why "grinding" positions feel so much better than "pounding" ones. You're stimulating the internal legs of the clitoris through the vaginal walls.
Modified Spooning: The "Lazy" Winner
If you want a position that hits the spot without requiring a gym membership, go back to the spoon. But don't just lie there.
"The Lazy 90" is a variation where the person in front lifts their top leg and rests it over the partner’s hip. This opens up the pelvis. It allows for deeper access than standard spooning but keeps the intimacy of the back-to-front contact. It’s perfect for long sessions where you want to feel close without getting a cramp in your leg.
Actionable steps for better pleasure
If you want to move beyond the theory and actually improve your experience, here is how to approach it:
- Communication is a prerequisite: You’ve got to speak up. If an angle feels "sharp" or "numb," say it. A half-inch shift in hip placement can be the difference between "meh" and "wow."
- The "Double-Up" Rule: Never rely on a position alone. Use your hands, or have your partner use theirs. Use a toy. The idea that a position should be "enough" on its own is a myth that kills pleasure.
- Focus on the "Up-and-Down" vs. "In-and-Out": Most sex positions women love involve vertical or circular grinding rather than just horizontal thrusting. Experiment with the "rocking" motion in any position you're in.
- Lube is a tool, not a fix for a problem: Even if you think you don't "need" it, using a high-quality silicone or water-based lubricant reduces friction that can become irritating over long sessions, allowing you to stay in a pleasurable position longer.
The reality is that "the best" position is a moving target. It changes based on your cycle, your mood, and your energy levels. But by prioritizing clitoral access and pelvic angles over the "theatrics" of Kama Sutra-style poses, you'll find what actually works for your body. Stick to the science of the clitoris and the physics of the pelvis. Everything else is just noise.