If you’ve spent any time lurking in the Diablo 4 subreddits or Discord channels lately, you’ve probably seen the phrase pop up: "How do I send my husband to the abyss?"
It sounds like a line from a dark fantasy novel or maybe a very intense marriage counseling session gone wrong. But in the context of Blizzard's massive action-RPG, it’s actually a desperate plea for help with one of the game's most punishing endgame loops. We’re talking about the Abattoir of Zir and the high-tier Nightmare Dungeons that players affectionately (or traumatically) refer to as "the abyss."
Let's get one thing straight. When players talk about how to send my husband to the abyss, they are usually talking about carry runs. They’re talking about that specific moment in seasonal play where one partner has a "broken" build—maybe a Bone Spear Necromancer or a HOTA Barbarian—and the other is just trying to survive long enough to soak up that sweet, sweet XP and Glyph leveling. It's a rite of passage.
The Mechanics of the Abyss: What Are You Actually Doing?
In Diablo 4, "the abyss" isn't a single map marker. It’s a shorthand for the high-tier content where the difficulty spikes so sharply it feels like falling off a cliff. To actually send a lower-level character (like a trailing spouse in co-op) into these zones, you need to understand the World Tier system and the requirements for the Pit of Artificers.
First, you’ve got to clear the Capstone Dungeons. You can’t just drag a Level 1 character into World Tier 4. Well, you can, but they’ll spend the entire time looking at a greyed-out screen while you do all the work. The "abyss" usually refers to Tier 70+ Nightmare Dungeons or the deeper levels of the Pit.
Honestly, the hardest part isn't the monsters. It’s the scaling.
When you bring a second player into a high-level run, the monsters get a health buff. If your "husband" (the secondary player) isn't contributing damage, you are essentially fighting bosses with 100% extra health. It’s a slog. You need a build that can delete screens of enemies instantly to make the "abyss" run worth the time.
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Why "Sending Him to the Abyss" Is the Ultimate Co-op Goal
Most people get the "carry" dynamic wrong. They think it's about being lazy. In reality, it’s the most efficient way to catch a partner up so you can actually play the game together.
I’ve seen dozens of players on the Blizzard forums asking for the best way to "send" their less-hardcore partners into these high-stakes zones. The goal is usually to level up Glyphs like Tears of Blood. These Glyphs provide astronomical power boosts, but they require millions of XP. You aren't going to get that playing casually in the Helltides. You have to go deep.
The Gear Check Barrier
You can't just walk into the abyss naked. Even if you are being carried, "the abyss" in Diablo has a nasty habit of having environmental hazards. Poison pools, fire enchantments, and those annoying "death pulses" from elites will kill a low-level character instantly.
- Resistance Caps: Your husband needs 70% across the board.
- Armor: Since the Season 4 rework, the armor cap is 9,230. Anything more is wasted.
- Movement Speed: If he can't keep up with your horse or your teleport, he's going to die to a stray arrow.
The Best Builds for Abyss Navigation
If you are the one doing the sending, you need a "Carry Build." You aren't just playing for yourself anymore. You are playing for two.
Bash Barbarians were the kings of this for a long time. The sheer raw damage output allowed them to ignore the health scaling of a second player. However, Spiritborn builds in the Vessel of Hatred expansion have completely redefined what it means to dive into the abyss. The mobility is unparalleled.
But what if he wants to help?
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That's the nuance most guides miss. Even a "carried" player can provide utility. If you send your husband to the abyss on a Druid, have him spec into Cyclone Armor or Earthen Bulwark. He can provide CC (crowd control) while you provide the nukes. This makes the abyss feel less like a chore and more like a team effort.
Common Mistakes in High-Tier Carries
Stop rushing the boss.
Seriously.
I see this all the time. The high-level player sprints to the end of the dungeon, leaving the other player lost in a labyrinth of Elites. In the abyss, proximity matters. If the carried player is too far away, they don't get the XP. If they're too close, they die. It's a delicate dance.
Another big one: ignoring the "pylons." In high-tier runs, a single Artillery or Conduit pylon can be the difference between clearing the floor and hitting a wall. If your husband is the one being carried, make him the pylon scout. It gives him a job and keeps him engaged with the mechanics of the abyss.
How to Optimize the XP Gains
If you're going to do this, do it right. Use Incense. Use Elixirs.
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The XP bonuses from these items stack. When you are in the deep endgame—the real abyss—every 5% matters. According to data tracked by sites like Maxroll, the efficiency of a carry drops significantly if you aren't clearing the dungeon in under five minutes. If it's taking you ten minutes to "send him to the abyss," you’re better off dropping the difficulty by ten tiers and blasting through it.
Speed is king.
The Social Aspect of the Abyss
Let’s be real: sometimes "the abyss" is just a metaphor for the grind. Diablo is a game about numbers going up. It’s about that hit of dopamine when a Greater Affix item drops.
Sending a loved one "into the abyss" is a bonding experience in the gaming community. It’s the modern version of teaching someone to drive, but with more demons and less parallel parking. It requires patience. You’re going to fail runs. He’s going to die to a trap you told him to avoid. You’re going to get frustrated because the boss's health bar isn't moving.
But when that Glyph finally hits Level 21? That’s peak gaming.
Actionable Steps for a Successful Abyss Run
- Check the World Tier: Ensure both players have completed the necessary Capstone Dungeons. You can't enter the deep abyss on World Tier 3.
- Optimize the "Carry" Build: Focus on Area of Effect (AoE) damage. Single-target builds struggle when the monster count scales up for two players.
- Survival Gear for the "Husband": Equip him with maximum life rolls and the Disobedience Aspect. Even if he isn't dealing damage, staying alive keeps the run smooth.
- The 5-Minute Rule: If the dungeon takes longer than 5 minutes, lower the tier. Efficiency beats difficulty every single time.
- Communicate: Use a headset. The abyss is chaotic, and "watch out for the exploding spider" is a necessary warning.
The abyss doesn't have to be a scary place. With the right build and a bit of patience, it’s just another playground for loot. Whether you're chasing the top of the leaderboards or just trying to get some decent gear for a casual co-op partner, understanding the mechanics of high-tier play is the only way to survive the depths.
Go ahead. Dive in.