It’s the punchline of a thousand bad sitcom jokes. It’s the visual centerpiece of mainstream adult films that prioritize camera angles over actual human pleasure. Mention how to scissors sex in a room full of queer women, and you’ll likely get a mix of eye rolls, nostalgic laughs, or genuine confusion. There is a massive disconnect between what the world thinks this is and how it actually feels in a real bedroom.
Most people assume scissoring—or tribadism—is just two people rubbing their genitals together like they’re trying to start a fire in the woods.
It’s not.
Well, it can be. But if you try to do it the way you see it on a screen, you’re probably just going to end up with a leg cramp and a very frustrated partner. The reality is much more about friction, rhythmic pressure, and, honestly, finding an angle that doesn't make your hip flexors scream for mercy.
The Myth vs. The Mechanics
Hollywood loves the "X" shape. You know the one—two people lying flat, legs perfectly interlaced, looking like a pair of garden shears. In the real world, this is a recipe for boredom. When you lie perfectly flat, there’s actually very little contact between the parts of the body that actually matter for climax, specifically the clitoris.
Experts like Dr. Debby Herbenick, lead researcher of the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, have spent years documenting how people actually have sex. The data shows that for those with vulvas, direct or indirect clitoral stimulation is the primary driver of orgasm for about 75% of individuals. Traditional scissoring often misses the mark because the pubic bones aren't actually meeting.
To make how to scissors sex actually work, you have to throw away the symmetry. It’s less about being a pair of scissors and more about being two puzzle pieces that are slightly offset. You need grinding. You need weight. You need to understand that the inner thighs and the mons pubis are the real stars of the show here.
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Getting the Angles Right Without Pulling a Muscle
If you want to try this without it feeling like a gym workout, you’ve gotta get creative with elevation.
One person stays on their back. The other person moves on top, but instead of lining up vertically, they rotate. Think of a clock face. If the person on the bottom is pointing toward 12, the person on top should be aiming for 2 or 10. This creates a "V" shape rather than an "X." This shift is crucial because it allows the clitoris of the person on top to press directly against the thigh, hip, or vulva of the person on the bottom.
Use Your Props
Pillows are your best friend. Seriously. Shove a firm pillow under the hips of the person on the bottom. This tilts the pelvis upward, making the "landing zone" much easier to reach. It also saves the person on top from having to hold a plank position for twenty minutes.
Lube is non-negotiable. Even if things feel "ready," the kind of sustained skin-on-skin friction required for scissoring can lead to chafing or "carpet burn" on very sensitive tissue. A high-quality silicone-based lube stays slippery longer, which is what you want when you're focusing on a slow, grinding rhythm.
Why Do People Even Do This?
You might wonder why anyone bothers if it’s so technically finicky.
The appeal isn't just physical. It’s about total body contact. There is something incredibly intimate about having your entire torso pressed against someone else while your legs are entwined. It’s a "full-contact" sport. Unlike using toys or hands, which can feel a bit more clinical or one-sided, tribadism is a shared exertion. You’re both moving. You’re both feeling the same heat.
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It’s also a powerful way to experience "outercourse." For people who want to avoid penetration—whether due to pelvic pain conditions like vaginismus, personal preference, or gender dysphoria—learning how to scissors sex provides a way to reach high-intensity peaks through external stimulation alone.
The Grind: Technique Over Speed
Speed is the enemy of a good scissor session. If you go too fast, you lose the friction. You want a slow, heavy grind.
- The Thigh Lock: One partner wraps their legs around one of the other partner's legs. This creates a stable "anchor" so you can push off each other.
- The Side-Lying Approach: Instead of top/bottom, try lying on your sides facing each other. Interlace your legs like you’re spooning, but face-to-face. This allows for way more kissing and hand movement.
- The Modified Seated Scissor: One person sits on a chair or the edge of the bed, and the other person straddles one of their legs. It’s technically a form of scissoring because it relies on that same lateral friction, but it’s much easier on the back.
Common Obstacles (and How to Fix Them)
Let's be real: sometimes it just doesn't click. Maybe your bodies are different heights. Maybe one person has longer legs. Maybe you’re just sweaty and sliding around like two seals.
If you aren't feeling enough pressure, the person on top needs to shift their weight forward. Most of the pleasure comes from the downward force. If you’re just lightly brushing against each other, it’s going to feel like tickling, which is usually the opposite of the goal.
Also, don't be afraid to use your hands. Scissoring doesn't have to be "look, no hands!" territory. Reaching down to provide extra stimulation while you grind can bridge the gap if the anatomy isn't perfectly aligning. In fact, many people find that the grinding provides the "base" sensation while manual play provides the "peak."
Physical Benefits and Wellness
Beyond the pleasure aspect, there's a physiological side to this. Engaging the core and the adductor muscles (inner thighs) during sex increases blood flow to the pelvic floor. A healthy pelvic floor is linked to stronger orgasms and better bladder control. While you shouldn't treat sex like a Pilates class, the physical engagement required for how to scissors sex is actually pretty good for your body's "basement" muscles.
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Skin Sensitivity
One thing people rarely talk about is the "cooldown." Because this involves so much skin contact and friction, the area can be a bit tender afterward. This is normal. If you notice redness, it’s usually just increased blood flow or mild friction. Using a fragrance-free moisturizer or just taking a lukewarm shower can help soothe the skin.
The Evolution of the Term
Historically, the word "tribade" comes from the Greek tribas, meaning "to rub." It’s one of the oldest recorded ways women have had sex with each other. It’s survived for thousands of years not because it’s easy, but because it’s a specific kind of closeness that other positions can't replicate.
Even if the term "scissoring" feels a bit dated or like it belongs in a bad movie, the act itself is a fundamental part of queer sexual culture. It’s about reclaiming the body and finding pleasure in the way two people fit together without needing anything other than themselves.
Tactical Next Steps
If you're ready to actually try this and move past the "sitcom" version, here is how to start:
- Ditch the Bed: Sometimes a firm surface like a rug or a yoga mat provides better leverage than a soft mattress that swallows your knees.
- Focus on the "Sweet Spot": Forget the legs for a second. Focus entirely on where your pubic bones meet. Once you find that contact point, then worry about where your legs go.
- Communicate the Pressure: Don't just move; tell your partner "more weight" or "lean left." Small adjustments of even half an inch make the difference between a "meh" experience and an "oh my god" experience.
- Integrate Toys: If you have a wearable vibrator or a small palm-sized vibe, tucking it between your bodies while scissoring can take the intensity from a 4 to a 10 instantly.
Ultimately, the best way to master the movement is to stop worrying about what it looks like. If you look like a tangled mess of limbs but it feels incredible, you're doing it right. Forget the "X." Find your own shape.