So, let's talk about it. If you’ve spent any time on the internet or watching movies that pretend to know what they’re talking about, you’ve probably heard of scissoring. It’s one of those terms that everyone thinks they understand, but when you actually get down to the logistics, it’s a bit of a mess. Most people think it’s this graceful, effortless thing. It's not.
In the real world, away from the glossy lenses of adult cinema, scissoring—or tribadism, if we’re being all clinical about it—is a lot more nuanced. It’s about skin-to-skin contact. It’s about friction. It's often about a lot of leg cramping that nobody warns you about beforehand.
What does scissoring mean in actual practice?
Basically, scissoring is a sexual position where two people with vulvas rub their genitals together. The name comes from the way the legs intertwine, looking vaguely like a pair of open scissors. You might hear people call it "tribbing." That’s short for tribadism, which comes from the Greek word tribein, meaning "to rub."
It’s ancient. Like, really ancient.
We’re talking about a practice that has been documented in various cultures for centuries, yet it remains one of the most misunderstood acts in the modern lexicon. Why? Because the way it’s usually filmed for a male audience is physically exhausting and often doesn't actually feel that great for the people doing it. In those videos, they’re focused on the "visual." In real life, people are focused on the sensation.
The goal isn't just to look like a piece of craft equipment. It’s about the clitoris. The clitoris has thousands of nerve endings, and scissoring is a way to provide direct or indirect stimulation to those areas through rhythmic movement.
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The Logistics: It’s Harder Than It Looks
If you try to do the "classic" version where you’re both perfectly balanced on your hips with your legs wide open, you’re probably going to pull a muscle. Seriously.
Most people who actually enjoy scissoring use variations. They might lay one person flat while the other moves on top at an angle. Or they might intertwine legs while lying on their sides—the "sideways" approach is usually way more sustainable for more than two minutes. It allows for more grinding and less "holding your legs in the air like you’re in a Pilates class from hell."
There is a huge misconception that this is the only way queer women or people with vulvas have sex. That’s just not true. According to the 2014 "Singles in America" study and various subsequent surveys by researchers like Dr. Debby Herbenick, sexual behavior among women who have sex with women is incredibly diverse. It includes oral sex, manual stimulation, and the use of toys. Scissoring is just one tool in the shed. Interestingly, some surveys suggest it's actually one of the least commonly practiced acts compared to others, partly because it requires a certain physical "fit" between two bodies to work well.
Why the Media Got It Wrong
Pop culture loves scissoring because it’s easy to film. It keeps both faces in the shot. It looks symmetrical. Shows like Orange is the New Black or various "prestige" dramas have used it as a shorthand for "lesbian sex," but it often feels performative.
When you see it on screen, it looks like a high-intensity workout. In reality, it’s often slow. It’s about the heat of the skin. Honestly, if you’re looking for a 1:1 representation of your life in a movie, you’re going to be disappointed. The "movie version" ignores things like pillows. You need pillows. Support is everything.
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Different Strokes for Different Folks
Not everyone’s anatomy is built for this. If one person has a very prominent pubic bone and the other doesn't, the "connection" might not happen where you want it to. It’s a bit of a puzzle. You have to find the "sweet spot" where the friction actually hits the clitoris rather than just rubbing thighs together.
Some people find it incredibly intimate because of the full-body contact. You’re chest to chest, eye to eye. Others find it frustrating because it’s a lot of work for a payoff that could be achieved much faster with a hand or a vibrator. Both are valid.
Safety and Reality Checks
Let’s talk about health for a second because people tend to skip this part. Just because there’s no "penetration" in the traditional sense doesn't mean you can't pass things along. Skin-to-skin contact is how things like HPV or herpes can spread.
If you’re with a new partner, you can use barriers. Dental dams are the standard recommendation, though, let’s be real, they can be a bit clunky to use during a position that relies on friction. Some people use modified condoms or even plastic wrap (non-microwaveable, please), but the most important thing is communication and regular testing.
Beyond the Physical
There’s a psychological element to scissoring that shouldn't be ignored. For many, it’s a rejection of "phallocentric" sex. It’s an act that is uniquely designed for two vulvas. There is a certain power in that. It’s a way of saying, "We don’t need to mimic anything else; this is ours."
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But don't feel pressured to like it just because it's "iconic." If it feels like you're trying to assemble IKEA furniture in the dark, just move on to something else. Sex is supposed to be fun, not a structural engineering challenge.
How to actually try it (if you want)
If you're curious about exploring this, don't just jump into the deep end. Start on your sides. It’s called the "L-shape" or "Side-lying" position. One person lies on their back, the other lies on their side perpendicular to them. This allows for a lot more control over the pressure.
- Use Lubrication: Friction is the goal, but too much dry friction is just a recipe for a "rug burn" in a place you definitely don't want one. A good water-based or silicone-based lube makes a world of difference.
- Focus on the Clit: If the clitoris isn't getting stimulated, scissoring is basically just a very sweaty hug. Adjust your angles until you feel that direct contact.
- Communicate: Talk. "Up a bit," "Down a bit," "My leg is falling asleep." These are all things you should be saying.
The Cultural Weight of a Word
The term has been reclaimed by many in the LGBTQ+ community, but it’s also been weaponized as a joke. You’ll hear it in frat-boy comedies or see it used as a punchline. This can make the act feel "fake" or like a caricature.
Actually, scissoring can be a deeply grounding experience. It’s rhythmic. It’s primal. It’s about the synchronization of two bodies. When it works, it’s great. When it doesn't, it’s just a funny story about why you need to go to the chiropractor the next day.
Actionable Insights for Exploration
If you’re looking to incorporate this into your life or just want to understand the mechanics better, keep these points in mind:
- Body Alignment Matters: Not every pair of bodies "fits" together for scissoring. If there's a significant height difference, you'll need to use props (like firm yoga blocks or specialized sex pillows) to bring your pelvises into alignment.
- The "V" Shape: Instead of the full scissor, try the "V." Sit facing each other with your legs intertwined. This allows you to use your arms for support and gives you a better view of your partner.
- Vary the Speed: It’s not a race. Most people find that a slow, grinding motion provides more consistent stimulation than a fast, jarring one.
- Incorporate Toys: There’s no rule that says scissoring has to be "unplugged." Many couples use a small, flat vibrator (like a palm vibrator) sandwiched between them to enhance the sensation.
- Check in on Comfort: Because this position can be physically taxing on the core and hips, check in with your partner. If someone is straining, the pleasure will vanish instantly.
Ultimately, scissoring is one of many ways to express intimacy. It isn't the "Gold Standard" of queer sex, nor is it a myth created by Hollywood. It’s a real, physical act that requires a bit of practice, a lot of communication, and a total lack of ego when things get awkward. Focus on the connection rather than the "visual," and you'll find it's a much more rewarding experience.