You've probably heard the term. Maybe it was in a movie, a late-night joke, or a hushed conversation among friends. But if you're looking for a straight answer on what is scissoring in sex, you’re likely to find a lot of misinformation. It's one of those things that pop culture has turned into a caricature. People think it's this acrobatic, impossible feat of gymnastics that only happens in specific types of adult films. Honestly? It's way simpler than that. It’s a position, sure, but it’s also a form of intimacy that focuses on grinding, sensation, and close contact.
Let’s get the mechanics out of the way first because that’s where the confusion starts.
Scissoring—formally known as tribrady or tribolism—basically involves two people (usually with vulvas) intertwining their legs and rubbing their genitals together. Think of it like a rhythmic grinding. It’s about clitoral stimulation through friction. The name comes from the way the legs look when they’re locked together, sort of like the blades of a pair of scissors. You’re not actually "cutting" anything, obviously. It’s more of a dance.
Why Does Everyone Talk About It?
There is a massive disconnect between how scissoring is portrayed and how it actually feels. If you watch mainstream media, it looks like a high-intensity workout. In reality, it’s often slow. Soft. It’s about skin-to-skin contact. According to sex educators like Emily Nagoski, author of Come as You Are, pleasure is highly dependent on context and the specific sensitivity of the individual. For some, the broad pressure of scissoring is exactly what triggers an orgasm. For others, it’s more of a "bridge" activity—something that feels good but doesn't necessarily lead to the finish line on its own.
The internet loves to debate whether people actually do this.
You’ll see Reddit threads where users claim it’s a myth. They’ll say it’s too tiring or that the angles never line up. Then you’ll find other communities where it’s a staple of their sex lives. Both can be true. Human bodies come in all shapes and sizes. What works for a pair of people with long legs and specific hip flexibility might be a logistical nightmare for someone else. That doesn't make it "fake." It just makes it a matter of physics and anatomy.
The Logistics: How It Actually Works
So, how do you actually do it without pulling a muscle?
Most people start by lying down. One person lies on their back, and the other lies somewhat perpendicular or at an angle. You interlace your legs. One of your legs goes between theirs, and one of theirs goes between yours. This creates a "V" shape where the vulvas can press against each other.
It’s not just about the legs, though. It’s about the hips.
The "grind" is the engine here. You can move up and down, side to side, or in circles. Some people find that propping their hips up on a pillow makes a world of difference. Why? Because angles matter. A slight tilt can be the difference between "I don't feel anything" and "Oh, okay, I get it now." It’s also worth noting that scissoring doesn’t have to be a full-body commitment. You can do "mini-scissoring" by just crossing legs at the thighs to create friction while focusing on other types of touch.
Is It Actually Common?
The Journal of Sexual Medicine has published various studies on the sexual behaviors of women who have sex with women (WSW). While scissoring is frequently cited in popular culture as the "default" lesbian sex act, the data suggests it’s actually less common than oral sex or manual stimulation (using hands).
Many people find it physically demanding. It requires core strength. It requires coordination. If you’re not in sync with your partner, it can feel a bit like trying to solve a Rubik's cube with your lower body. But for those who master the rhythm, the appeal is the total body connection. Unlike using a toy or a hand, scissoring involves your whole weight and your partner's whole weight. It's intimate in a way that’s hard to replicate.
Dealing with the Physical Challenges
Let's be real: friction can be a double-edged sword.
While friction is what creates the sensation, too much of it without enough natural lubrication or a dedicated lubricant can lead to irritation. Skin-on-skin rubbing for ten minutes straight is a lot for sensitive tissue. Most experts recommend using a high-quality, water-based or silicone-based lube to keep things comfortable.
Then there’s the "thigh fatigue."
If you’re trying to hold your legs in a specific position for a long time, your adductors (inner thigh muscles) are going to start screaming at you. This is why variations are key. You don't have to stay in one "scissor" lock. You can shift. You can roll over. You can use one leg as a brace. It’s a dynamic thing, not a static pose you have to hold for a photo shoot.
Misconceptions and the Porn Industry
We have to talk about porn for a second.
In adult films, scissoring is often performed in a way that is visually appealing to the camera. This usually involves "the butterfly" or wide-angled positions that look great on screen but are actually quite difficult to get pleasure from. In real life, the most effective scissoring usually looks a lot messier and less "perfect." You’re closer together. There’s less space between your bodies.
This is a classic case of "the camera eats first." If a movie shows two people perfectly symmetrical, they’re probably doing it for the viewer, not for themselves. Real scissoring is often about finding that one specific spot of contact and staying there, even if it looks awkward from the outside.
Safety and Health Considerations
Is it safe? Generally, yes. It’s a low-risk activity compared to many others.
However, since there is direct contact between mucosal membranes, there is still a risk of transmitting certain STIs, such as HPV or herpes, if one partner is an asymptomatic carrier. Using a dental dam is a common suggestion for oral sex, but it’s harder to implement with scissoring. Some people use barrier methods like modified condoms or specialized underwear, but most couples in long-term, monogamous relationships simply rely on regular testing.
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Also, keep an eye on your skin. If you notice redness, stinging, or small tears (micro-tears), it’s a sign you need more lube or a break. The vulva is resilient, but it’s not invincible.
Why People Love It
Despite the technical hurdles, the reason scissoring persists in the cultural lexicon—and in bedrooms—is the unique sensation of pressure. For many, clitoral stimulation via a broad surface feels better than the pointed stimulation of a finger or a vibrator. It’s a "diffuse" pleasure.
It also allows for eye contact.
When you’re scissoring, you’re usually face-to-face or close to it. You can kiss. You can talk. You can see your partner’s reactions. In a world where sex is often focused on the "parts," scissoring is one of those acts that feels very much about the "people." It’s a full-body embrace that just happens to involve a lot of friction.
Practical Steps for Trying It
If you’re curious about exploring this, don’t expect it to be perfect the first time. It won't be. You’ll probably bump knees. You’ll probably laugh because you feel like an upside-down turtle. That’s fine.
- Start with pillows. Put one under the hips of the person on the bottom. It changes the tilt of the pelvis and makes the vulva more accessible.
- Focus on the "grind," not the "scissor." The leg position is just a way to get the parts together. The movement is where the magic happens.
- Lube is your best friend. Seriously. Don't skip it.
- Communicate. Talk about where you’re feeling the pressure. "Higher," "Lower," "Left," "Right"—these aren't just directions; they’re the map to a better experience.
- Mix it up. Use scissoring as a part of a larger session. You don’t have to do it from start to finish. Use it for a few minutes to build intensity, then move on to something else if your legs get tired.
The reality of what is scissoring in sex is that it’s a highly personal, adaptable, and sometimes clumsy act of intimacy. It’s not a performance. It’s not a myth. It’s just another way for two people to connect, provided they have the patience to find the right angle.
The best way to approach it is with a sense of humor and a lot of communication. If it feels good, keep doing it. If it doesn't, try a different angle or move on. Sex isn't a checklist, and you don't get extra points for "completing" a specific position. The goal is always mutual enjoyment, however you get there.