Ray Romano and Wife Anna: What Most People Get Wrong About Their 38-Year Marriage

Hollywood is basically a revolving door for marriages. You see it every day: a couple hits the red carpet, looks "blissfully happy" for two years, and then releases a joint statement about "mutual respect" while their lawyers carve up the bank accounts. But then there’s Ray Romano. Honestly, if you look at the guy, he doesn’t scream "global superstar." He screams "guy who might help you jump-start your car in a Queens parking lot." And maybe that’s the secret.

Ray Romano and wife Anna Scarpulla have been married since 1987. That is 38 years in 2026. In "famous person years," that’s basically a century. But their story isn't some polished PR narrative. It’s gritty, a little awkward, and started at a bank teller window where Ray was—by his wife's own admission—not exactly a stellar employee.

The Meet-Cute That Wasn't That Cute

Let’s go back to 1982. Ray wasn't "Raymond" yet. He was a 25-year-old guy living in his parents' basement in Forest Hills. He was working as a teller at the Williamsburg Savings Bank in Queens. Anna Scarpulla worked there too.

Most people assume Ray used his legendary comedic timing to sweep her off her feet. Not really. He was actually quite slow at the job. Accurate, sure, but slow. Anna once told CBS News that her expectations for him back then were "very low."

Think about that.

She didn't fall for the Emmy winner or the guy who would eventually sign a $40 million contract for a single season of television. She fell for the guy who lived with his mom and was struggling to get a few minutes of stage time at local comedy clubs. Ray actually waited until he left the bank job to ask her out. Why? Because his "batting average" with women was so bad he didn't want to have to walk past her at work every day if she rejected him.

He played it safe. It worked.

Real Life vs. Everybody Loves Raymond

If you grew up watching Everybody Loves Raymond, you probably think you know their dynamic. You think Anna is Patricia Heaton’s "Debra Barone"—constantly yelling at a lazy husband while his parents barge through the front door.

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It’s not quite that simple.

While the show was heavily inspired by Ray’s real life (and the life of creator Phil Rosenthal), Anna is her own person. She isn't just a "sitcom wife" archetype. For years, she stayed out of the spotlight to raise their four children: Alexandra, twins Matthew and Gregory, and the youngest, Joseph.

One of the most authentic things about their relationship is how unimpressed she is by his fame. Ray has joked for decades that whenever he gets a little too full of himself, Anna is there to ground him. Or, as he famously told the Las Vegas Sun back in the late '90s, when she has a problem with his jokes about her, he tells her to "go cry on a bag of money."

It’s a joke, of course. But there’s a grain of truth in the acceptance. She let him mine their marriage for material because she knew it was his way of processing the world. She wasn't looking for a trophy husband; she was looking for a partner.

The Children: Where Are They Now?

The Romano kids aren't the toddlers you remember from the late-90s tabloids. They are full-blown adults navigating their own lives.

• Alexandra "Ally" Romano: The eldest. She actually worked in the industry for a bit—even voicing a character in Ice Age—but eventually moved into PR and marketing. In September 2024, she married Zachary Wilezol at the New York Public Library. Ray, being the classic dad, joked he’d need to do Ice Age 6 just to cover the bill.
• Matthew and Gregory Romano: The twins. They’ve both spent time behind the scenes in late-night TV. Matthew got married in April 2024, making it a big year for the family.
• Joseph Romano: The youngest, born in 1998. He’s the baby of the family, though "baby" is a stretch for a guy in his late 20s.

The Battle No One Saw Coming

In 2010, the "boring, stable" life of the Romanos hit a massive wall. Anna was diagnosed with stage one breast cancer.

They didn't tell the public. Not at first.

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They dealt with it the way most long-term couples deal with a crisis: privately. Anna went through surgery, radiation, and four rounds of chemotherapy. Ray, the guy who made a living being "the funny dad," had to be the rock. It’s a shift many husbands struggle with, moving from the person being cared for to the primary caregiver.

When they finally went public in 2012, it wasn't for a "woe is me" magazine cover. It was to encourage other women to get screenings. Anna admitted that the hardest part wasn't the pain, but the loss of her hair. "I'm already shy," she told People, "and the last thing I wanted to do was walk around bald."

She beat it. She’s been cancer-free for over a decade now, but that experience changed the texture of their marriage. It moved them past the "sitcom" phase of life and into the reality of long-term partnership.

Why They Actually Lasted

So, how do you stay married for 38 years in an industry designed to tear you apart?

Ray says it’s "acceptance." Anna says it’s "day by day."

Honestly? It seems to be a lack of ego. When Ray moved the family to Los Angeles for the show, Anna didn't try to become a "Real Housewife." She didn't hunt for a reality show or a clothing line. She focused on the kids. Later, she explored her own interests in cinematography and short films, but always on her own terms.

They also share a very specific, very Italian-American bond. Both are from New York. Both have families that emigrated from Italy. In 2019, they famously took 13 relatives back to Anna's parents' hometown in Sicily. That kind of connection to roots matters. It keeps you from floating away into the "Hollywood" bubble where nothing is real.

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Practical Lessons from the Romano Marriage

You don't have to be a multi-millionaire comedian to take something away from their journey.

Lower your entry-level expectations.
Anna didn't wait for Ray to be "someone" before she loved him. She liked the guy in the basement. If you’re looking for a finished product, you’ll usually end up disappointed.

Find someone who calls you on your crap.
Ray recently mentioned at a 30th-anniversary event for his show that Anna loved when his TV wife, Patricia Heaton, would "call him on his crap." A partner who keeps you honest is more valuable than a partner who only applauds.

Humor is a tool, not a weapon.
They’ve used jokes to navigate everything from poverty to cancer. But the jokes are never mean-spirited; they are a release valve for the pressure of life.

Privacy is a choice.
They didn't sell their wedding photos. They didn't live-tweet their health scares. By keeping the most sacred parts of their lives off the internet, they protected the foundation of their relationship.

To truly apply the Romano philosophy to your own life, focus on the "teller window" moments—those quiet, unremarkable times before the "success" happens—because that’s where the real relationship is built. Check in with your partner about their long-term health goals, especially preventative screenings, just as the Romanos did after their cancer scare. Most importantly, find a way to laugh at the absurdity of living together for decades, because if you don't laugh, you'll probably end up like one of those other Hollywood statistics.