If you’ve watched even ten minutes of Netflix’s You, you know the drill. Joe Goldberg finds a "you." Joe stalks "you." Joe eventually ends up in a steamy, dimly lit bedroom with "you" before everything inevitably goes south and someone ends up in a glass cage. For years, Penn Badgley sex scenes were just part of the show’s DNA. They were expected. They were frequent.
Then Season 4 happened.
Suddenly, the guy who spent three seasons as TV’s most problematic "romantic" lead was keeping his clothes on. It wasn't a mistake or a change in lighting. It was a choice. Honestly, it’s rare to see a male lead in a massive hit show just... stop. But Badgley did. He went to showrunner Sera Gamble and basically asked to phase them out entirely.
The Conversation That Changed "You"
It started on a podcast. Badgley co-hosts Podcrushed, and during a bonus episode in early 2023, he dropped a bit of a bombshell. He’d asked Gamble if he could just do zero intimacy scenes. Like, none.
"My desire would be zero," he told her.
That’s a big ask for a show that built its brand on being a "sexy" thriller. Most actors at his level might worry about being labeled "difficult" or "unprofessional." But Gamble didn't blink. She actually seemed empowered by his honesty. They didn't cut them to zero—because let’s be real, Joe Goldberg is a character driven by obsessive "love"—but they did a "phenomenal reduction."
Why He Actually Stopped
People online went wild. They always do. Some fans thought he was being "creepy" or "unprofessional." Others wondered if he was just bored. But the reality is way more personal.
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It’s About His Marriage
Badgley has been married to Domino Kirke since 2017. He’s been vocal about the fact that fidelity matters to him. And no, he wasn't saying that filming a scene is "cheating" in the literal sense. He was talking about the feeling of it. The "mercurial boundary" of Hollywood intimacy.
"Fidelity in every relationship, and especially my marriage, is important to me," he said. He reached a point where he just didn't want to play in that gray area anymore. It’s a boundary. Plain and simple.
The "Romantic Lead" Trap
He was 30 when he started playing Joe. He's nearly 40 now. That’s a decade of being the guy who kisses the girl. Before You, he was Dan Humphrey on Gossip Girl. He spent his entire 20s and 30s being framed as a heartthrob.
Badgley has spent a lot of time reflecting on why we make heroes out of "evil people." He’s even told fans to stop rooting for Joe. By reducing Penn Badgley sex scenes, he’s effectively stripping away the "romantic" veneer that makes Joe Goldberg palatable. He wants the character to be seen for what he is: a predator, not a lover.
The Backlash and the "Infidelity" Debate
The internet is great at taking a nuanced point and turning it into a shouting match. When Badgley mentioned "fidelity," some people took it as a slight against other actors. They argued that if you can't separate acting from real life, you shouldn't be an actor.
But is it that simple?
Intimacy coordinators—professionals whose entire job is to manage these scenes—actually backed him up. Jessica Steinrock, a high-profile intimacy coordinator, noted that actors have different agreements with their partners. Whatever the reason for a boundary—religious, personal, or relational—it’s valid. Badgley was just the first high-profile man to say it out loud in such a blunt way.
What Happened in Season 5?
Here is the twist. After the "phenomenal reduction" in Season 4, things shifted again for the final season. Badgley recently admitted to People that he had to "throw that out the window" a little bit for the series finale.
Why? Because the story demanded it.
Joe Goldberg had to return to "form." To show how Joe uses his charm to cloud people's judgment, the show had to lean back into that romantic icon imagery one last time. Badgley’s rule wasn't a rigid, unbreakable law; it was a preference. He told the creative team that if it’s vital and deliberate, he’d do it.
- Season 1-3: Heavy intimacy, graphic scenes.
- Season 4: Significant reduction, mostly fully clothed, focused on psychological tension.
- Season 5: A "return to form" where intimacy is used as a narrative tool to show Joe's manipulation.
The Industry Shift
Badgley’s stance actually highlights a bigger conversation in Hollywood. For a long time, there was a "just do it" culture. If you weren't comfortable with a sex scene, there were 100 other actors who would be.
By setting this boundary, Badgley proved that you can be the lead of a #1 show and still say "no." It opens the door for younger actors who might not have his "power" to feel like their comfort matters too. He’s not anti-sex; he’s pro-agency. He’s criticized the way Hollywood handles these scenes for years, calling them "disturbing" and often "exploitative."
He thinks the way we film sex is often simplistic. No condoms, no awkwardness, no conversation. Just people throwing each other against walls. Honestly, he's kinda right. It's a trope.
What This Means for You (The Viewer)
When you watch the later seasons of You, the lack of graphic Penn Badgley sex scenes actually makes the show creepier. It forces you to focus on Joe’s internal monologue. You aren't distracted by the "steamy" stuff. You’re stuck in the head of a killer.
It turns out, you don't need a sex scene every twenty minutes to tell a compelling story about obsession.
Actionable Insights for Fans and Creators
If you're following Badgley's career or interested in how the industry is changing, here are a few things to keep in mind:
- Watch the framing: Notice how Season 4 uses "emotional intimacy" and "intellectual connection" to build tension instead of physical acts.
- Listen to Podcrushed: If you want the unedited version of his thoughts, his podcast is where he's most vulnerable about his "existential crisis" regarding fame.
- Respect the boundary: Understand that an actor's "no" isn't a lack of talent—it's often a sign of high professional standards and personal health.
Badgley has effectively transitioned from a teen heartthrob to a thoughtful producer who prioritizes his real life over his reel life. Whether you love Joe Goldberg or hate him, you have to respect the guy playing him for knowing exactly where he draws the line.
Next Steps: You can track the evolution of these scenes by re-watching the Season 4 premiere and comparing the "intimacy" there to the much more graphic Season 1 pilot to see the "phenomenal reduction" in action.