Distance sucks. Honestly, there isn’t a nicer way to put it when you’re staring at a pixels-on-a-screen version of your favorite person while the actual human is three time zones away. You’ve tried the Netflix parties. You’ve done the FaceTime dinners where the audio lags and you both end up eating in awkward silence. It gets old. Fast.
But then there’s gaming.
Actually using online games long distance isn't just about "playing a game." It’s about shared agency. In a video call, you’re just observing each other. In a game, you’re doing something together. You’re failing a heist in GTA Online or screaming because a creeper just blew up the house you spent three hours building in Minecraft. That shared frustration? It’s real. It’s a memory that feels tangible in a way a conversation about your day just doesn't.
Most people mess this up because they think they have to be "gamers" to make it work. They don't. You just need to find the right digital space to inhabit.
The psychological tether of a shared world
When you’re apart, your lives are parallel but separate. You have your coffee shop; they have theirs. Online games long distance bridge that gap by creating a "third place." This is a sociological concept usually applied to physical locations like pubs or libraries, but for long-distance couples, the Third Place is often a server.
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Take Stardew Valley. It’s probably the most cited game for couples, and for good reason. You aren't just clicking buttons; you're managing a farm. You’re deciding who handles the crops and who goes into the mines. This mimics real-world domesticity. You’re negotiating labor. If your partner forgets to water the melons, that’s a "real" domestic dispute, albeit a cute one. Research by experts like Dr. Jane McGonigal suggests that collaborative play builds "urgent optimism"—the desire to act immediately to tackle an obstacle, motivated by the belief that success is possible. When you’re in a long-distance relationship (LDR), optimism is your most valuable currency.
It’s not all sunshine and farming, though.
Sometimes you need something high-stakes. Games like It Takes Two are literally designed around the mechanics of a failing relationship. It sounds meta, but the game forces communication. You cannot progress unless you are talking. You’ll find yourself saying things like, "Okay, on three, you jump and I’ll pull the lever." It’s rhythm. It’s synchronization. It’s the closest thing to physical coordination you can get without being in the same room.
Why the "Competitive Gap" kills the fun
Here is the truth: If one of you is a "Pro" and the other hasn't touched a controller since 2012, playing Call of Duty together is going to be miserable.
Skill gaps are the silent killers of LDR gaming sessions. If one person is constantly carrying the other, the "shared" experience vanishes. The better player gets frustrated, and the less experienced player feels like a burden. This is why many couples give up on online games long distance after a week. They pick the wrong genre.
If you’re in this boat, look for "Asymmetric" games.
Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes is the gold standard here. One person looks at a bomb on their screen; the other has the "manual" (a PDF or a physical printout). The person with the manual can't see the bomb. The person with the bomb can't see the manual. You have to talk. It’s frantic. It’s hilarious. Most importantly, it levels the playing field because it’s a test of communication, not "gamer reflexes."
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Real talk about the technical hurdles
Don't let the "romanticized" version of gaming fool you—technology will try to ruin your night. High ping is a relationship stressor. If you’re playing from New York and they’re in London, someone is going to lag.
- Check your NAT types. If your console says "NAT Type 3" or "Strict," you’re going to have trouble connecting to each other. You’ll spend forty minutes trying to join a lobby and end up going to bed mad.
- Invest in a headset. Using the built-in laptop mic is a crime. Your partner doesn't want to hear the fan of your MacBook Pro whirling like a jet engine; they want to hear your voice.
- Cross-play is your best friend. Not everyone has a PS5. Games like Among Us, Genshin Impact, or Fortnite let you play across phone, PC, and console. It removes the "hardware barrier" that keeps couples apart.
Beyond the "Big" games
Sometimes you don't want an epic quest. Sometimes you just want to hang out.
There is a whole world of low-pressure online games long distance that feel more like a lounge than a competition. Sky: Children of the Light is a beautiful, nearly wordless experience where you just fly around and hold hands. It’s incredibly intimate for a mobile game. There’s also Tabletop Simulator on Steam. It’s exactly what it sounds like: a physics-based engine where you can play literally any board game ever made. You can play Chess, or you can just flip the table if you’re losing. It brings back the tactile feel of a "date night" at a board game cafe.
Don't overlook the weird stuff either. Gartic Phone is a mix of Pictionary and the "Telephone" game. It’s browser-based, free, and usually ends in tears of laughter because someone's drawing of a "cat" turned into a "nuclear explosion" by the end of the round. Laughter is the antidote to the "LDR Blues." When you’re laughing together, the miles don't feel quite so long.
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Setting boundaries for "Game Night"
It sounds clinical, but you have to schedule this.
In a "normal" relationship, you might just flop on the couch and see what's on TV. In an LDR, "spontaneous" gaming rarely happens because of time zones and busy lives. Treat your gaming session like a real date. Set a time. Turn off your other notifications. If you’re playing online games long distance while scrolling TikTok on your phone, you aren't really "there" with your partner.
And know when to quit. If the game is getting stressful—if the boss fight is too hard or the lag is unbearable—stop. The goal isn't to beat the game; the goal is to enjoy each other's company. If the game is getting in the way of that, it’s failing its purpose. Switch to a "Just Chatting" vibe or watch a stream together on Discord instead.
The unexpected benefits of "Co-op" life
There is actual science behind this. A study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that "shared media consumption"—including gaming—helps LDR couples feel a stronger sense of "relational quality." It’s about creating a shared history. You’ll find yourselves referencing things that happened in the game months later. "Remember that time you accidentally set the house on fire in Valheim?" becomes a shared memory just as valid as "Remember that time we went to that Italian place?"
It fills the "silence" that often plagues long-distance calls. You don't always have "news" to report about your day. Gaming gives you a narrative to inhabit so you don't have to carry the entire weight of the interaction with just conversation.
Actionable steps to start tonight
If you're ready to move past the "just texting" phase of your long-distance journey, don't overcomplicate it. Start small and scale up based on how much you both actually enjoy the process.
- Audit your hardware. Figure out what devices you both actually own. If one of you only has a phone and the other has a PC, your options are different than if you both have Nintendo Switches.
- Pick a "low stakes" starter. Download Sky: Children of the Light or Among Us. They are free or very cheap and run on almost anything.
- Setup a dedicated voice channel. Use Discord. It’s better than FaceTime or phone calls for gaming because you can adjust each other's volume levels and it doesn't "duck" the game audio as much.
- Try a "Virtual Cinema" night. If gaming feels like too much effort, use a service like Teleparty or the "Watch Together" feature on YouTube to ease into the habit of sharing a screen.
- Don't force it. Some people just don't like gaming. If it feels like a chore, find another way to connect. The "best" game is the one that makes you both forget you're looking at a screen.
Long distance is a marathon, not a sprint. Using online games long distance gives you a way to run that marathon side-by-side, even if your actual feet are thousands of miles apart. It’s about the "small wins." Whether it’s winning a match or just finally getting that virtual garden planted, those wins belong to both of you. And in an LDR, you need all the wins you can get.