So, you’re past the butterflies. The "talking stage" is a memory, the first date jitters have evaporated, and you’ve finally said it out loud. You’re in. But then the Monday morning alarm hits, the laundry pile grows, and you realize that now we found love what are we going to do isn’t just a catchy song lyric—it’s a logistical, emotional, and psychological puzzle.
Love is a beginning. It’s not the finish line.
Honestly, our culture does a terrible job of explaining what happens the day after the credits roll on a romantic comedy. We’re sold the "happily ever after" but rarely the "happily ever after-work dinner while one person is grumpy and the other forgot to buy milk." This is where the real work—and the real reward—actually starts.
The Psychological Shift from Me to We
Psychologists often talk about the "Limerence" phase. This is that high-octane, brain-on-fire stage where your dopamine levels are through the roof. Dr. Dorothy Tennov coined this term back in the 70s to describe the involuntary state of intense romantic desire. But limerence has an expiration date. It usually lasts anywhere from six months to two years.
What happens next?
The brain starts to level out. You begin to see your partner not as a perfect deity, but as a person who maybe chews too loudly or has a weirdly aggressive way of driving. This transition is where most people panic. They think the love is "dying" because the high is fading. In reality, you’re just moving into what researchers like Dr. John Gottman call the "Building Trust" phase.
When you ask now we found love what are we going to do, the first answer is: you have to choose to stay curious.
Curiosity is the antidote to resentment. Instead of assuming you know everything about your partner, you have to realize they are a shifting, evolving human being. If you stop asking questions, the intimacy starts to calcify. You become roommates who share a bed. That’s a dangerous place to be.
Practical Logistics: The "Now What" of Daily Life
Let's talk about the stuff no one puts in a Valentine’s card. Money. Chores. Family drama.
When you’ve found love, the next step is often merging two distinct lives into one cohesive unit. It’s messy. You’ve got your way of doing things, and they’ve got theirs. Maybe you’re a "wash the dishes immediately" person and they’re a "let them soak for three days" person. It sounds trivial, but these are the micro-frictions that erode long-term stability.
The Financial Conversation
Money is one of the leading causes of divorce. It’s not necessarily about having money, but about how you view it. Are you a saver? Is your partner a spender? You need to have the "Money Talk" way earlier than you think.
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- Discuss your debts openly.
- Determine if you’re doing "Yours, Mine, and Ours" accounts.
- Set a limit for "unauthorized" spending (e.g., if it’s over $100, we talk first).
Honesty here is everything. Hiding a credit card balance is a form of infidelity—financial infidelity—and it breaks trust just as fast as any other kind of lie.
Managing the Social Calendar
Isolation is a relationship killer. Early on, you might want to spend every waking second alone together. That’s fine for a month. It’s toxic for a year. Healthy couples maintain outside friendships. If your partner is your only source of emotional support, you’re putting a crushing amount of pressure on them. They can’t be your best friend, your lover, your therapist, your gym buddy, and your career coach all at once.
Communication Isn't Just Talking
Everyone says "communication is key." It’s a cliché because it’s true, but people rarely explain how to do it.
Most people "listen" just to wait for their turn to speak. They’re building a counter-argument while the other person is still mid-sentence. That’s not communication; that’s a debate. To move forward after finding love, you have to learn the art of the "Softened Start-up."
If you’re annoyed that the trash wasn't taken out, don't say, "You’re so lazy, you never help." That triggers an immediate defensive response. Instead, try: "I feel overwhelmed when the house is messy, could you please help me with the trash tonight?"
It feels corny. It feels like therapy-speak. But it works because it focuses on your feelings rather than attacking their character.
The Myth of Compatibility
Here is a hard truth: you will never find someone 100% compatible.
The idea of "The One" is kinda damaging. It suggests that if things get hard, you simply picked the wrong person. Dan Savage, the relationship columnist, famously talks about "The Price of Admission." Everyone has traits that are annoying. Your job isn't to find someone with zero annoying traits; it’s to find someone whose annoying traits are worth "paying" for to have the rest of them.
Maybe they’re always 10 minutes late, but they’re the most generous person you’ve ever met. That’s the price of admission.
When we wonder now we found love what are we going to do, we have to accept that we are committing to a person’s flaws as much as their virtues. You aren’t just marrying the person they are today; you’re marrying the person they will become in ten years, and that person might be very different.
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Navigating the Physicality of Long-Term Love
Sex is usually easy at the start. Biology does the heavy lifting. But as time goes on, "spontaneous" desire often turns into "responsive" desire.
In her book Come As You Are, Dr. Emily Nagoski explains that for many people—especially those in long-term relationships—the urge for physical intimacy doesn't just hit them out of the blue. It’s something that happens after the kissing or cuddling starts.
If you’re waiting for the "lightning bolt" of passion every night, you might be waiting a long time. Part of the "what are we going to do" is being intentional about physical touch. It’s not just about sex; it’s about holding hands, a six-second hug (which is the amount of time needed to release oxytocin), and staying connected in a world that wants to keep you glued to your phone screen.
Dealing with Conflict (The Right Way)
Conflict is inevitable. In fact, a relationship with zero conflict is often a red flag—it usually means one or both partners are suppressed or have checked out completely.
The goal isn't to stop fighting. The goal is to fight better.
Psychologist Dr. Stan Tatkin, founder of the PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy), suggests that couples should think of themselves as being in a "foxhole" together. The world is out there, and you are each other's primary protection. When you fight, if one person "wins," the relationship loses. You both have to win, or you both lose.
Avoid the Four Horsemen
Gottman’s research identified four behaviors that predict the end of a relationship with terrifying accuracy:
- Criticism: Attacking the person, not the behavior.
- Contempt: Mocking, eye-rolling, or acting superior. This is the #1 predictor of divorce.
- Defensiveness: Making excuses and playing the victim.
- Stonewalling: Withdrawing and refusing to engage.
If you find these creeping in, you have to stop. Take a 20-minute break. Let your heart rate go down below 100 beats per minute. Only then can you actually resolve the issue.
Maintaining Your Identity
One of the biggest mistakes people make once they "find love" is losing themselves. You stop your hobbies. You stop seeing your friends. You become a "we."
This is a recipe for disaster.
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The most attractive thing about your partner when you met them was likely their passion, their independence, and their unique perspective. If you both melt into a single, undifferentiated blob, there’s no "other" left to be attracted to.
Keep your Thursday night pottery class. Go on a solo hike. Read different books. Bringing new experiences back to the relationship is what keeps the conversation alive.
Actionable Steps for the "Post-Love" Phase
Finding love is the spark; keeping it is the fire. Here is how you actually maintain it without burning out:
The Weekly Check-In
Set aside 15 minutes every Sunday. Don't talk about the kids or the budget. Ask: "What did I do this week that made you feel loved?" and "Is there anything I can do next week to make you feel more supported?" It sounds formal, but it prevents small hurts from turning into giant craters.
The 7-17-70 Rule
Spend 7 minutes a day in focused conversation (no phones). Have a date night every 17 days. Take a trip or a major "reset" every 70 days. These numbers aren't magic, but the rhythm is. Consistency beats intensity every single time.
Practice Active Gratitude
We are hard-wired to notice what’s wrong. It’s a survival mechanism. You have to manually override this by looking for what’s right. Tell your partner you appreciate them for making the coffee or for being a great listener. Be specific. "Thanks for being you" is nice, but "I really appreciated how you handled that stressful call with my mom" is better.
The "Six-Second" Rule
When you leave for the day or come home, hug for at least six seconds. It sounds like a long time when you're doing it. But that duration is what tells your nervous system that you are safe. It lowers cortisol and resets your bond.
Establish a "Fight Protocol"
Decide now—while you are happy—how you will handle a crisis. Will you use a "safe word" to stop a fight if it gets too heated? Will you agree to never go to bed angry, or (more realistically) agree that it’s okay to sleep on it as long as you schedule a time to talk the next morning?
Love is a verb. It’s something you do, not just something you have. Once you’ve found it, the "what are we going to do" part is simply a matter of showing up, every single day, and deciding that the person next to you is worth the effort of the journey.
Stop looking for a sign that it's "supposed" to be easy. Real love is built in the mundane moments. It's built in the compromises, the apologies, and the shared jokes that only the two of you understand. That is the work. And that is exactly what you are going to do.