Nikki Glaser walked onto the Beverly Hilton stage for the 83rd Golden Globes and basically set the room on fire. It was her second year in a row hosting. Usually, sequels suck. Not this one.
She didn't hold back. Not even a little bit.
Honestly, the energy in the room was a mix of terrified laughter and "oh my god, did she really just say that?" Glaser has this way of being a total fan-girl while simultaneously ripping someone’s ego to shreds. It’s a talent. You’ve probably seen the clips of Leonardo DiCaprio nodding along while she roasted his dating life, but there was a lot more to the nikki glaser golden globes opening monologue than just the easy Leo jokes.
The Jokes That Stung (and the Ones That Slayed)
Glaser started the night by addressing the "pedophilic elephant in America's room." Yeah, she went there. She made a joke about the recently released, heavily redacted Epstein files, suggesting that the "Golden Globe for best editing goes to the Justice Department."
Silence. Then a roar of laughter.
It was a risky move, but she doubled down by taking aim at CBS, the very network broadcasting the show. She called it "America’s newest place to see BS news," referencing the controversy surrounding their editing of political segments.
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Then came the celebrity roasts.
The Leonardo DiCaprio "Standard"
We all knew it was coming. The "under 30" joke is practically a tradition at this point. Glaser told DiCaprio that his most impressive achievement—more than the Oscar or the three Globes—was doing it all before his girlfriend hit 30.
But then she got meta. She actually apologized for it being a "cheap" joke. "Leo, I'm sorry," she said. "I tried not to, but we don't know anything else about you, man. Open up!"
George Clooney and the Nespresso Troubles
George Clooney was there for his role in Jay Kelly. Glaser’s take? He was basically playing himself—an aging Hollywood legend. She even asked him if he could troubleshoot her Nespresso machine later because the coffee was coming out watery.
Timothée Chalamet’s "Massive" Gains
She took a swipe at Timothée Chalamet for his role in Marty Supreme. She called him the first actor in history who had to put on muscle for a movie about ping-pong. "He gained over 60 ounces," she quipped.
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It was a sharp, fast-paced set. She hit Sean Penn, calling him a "sexy leather handbag," and poked fun at Kevin Hart’s height by calling him "The Rock's plus one-half."
Why This Monologue Felt Different
Most award show hosts play it safe. They want to be invited to the after-parties. Glaser doesn't seem to care about that as much as she cares about the joke.
She managed to balance the "roast" vibe with a genuine love for movies. Toward the end, she pleaded with directors like Guillermo del Toro and James Cameron to "keep making weird monster sex movies." It was weirdly touching.
People were worried she’d be too mean after her legendary performance at the Tom Brady roast. But at the Globes, she found a middle ground. She wasn't just mean for the sake of being mean; she was skewering the idea of Hollywood.
Key Highlights of the Set:
- The Warner Bros. Joke: She joked about starting the bidding for the studio at $5 following their recent business struggles.
- The "Traumatized Woman Alley": She pointed out the tables for films like Hamnet and All Her Fault, calling the section "traumatized woman alley."
- Michael B. Jordan: She made a risky pun about his dual role in Sinners that left him looking a bit awkward next to his mom.
What Most People Get Wrong About the Monologue
There’s a misconception that these monologues are totally off-the-cuff. They aren't. Glaser had been testing these jokes in comedy clubs for months. She told the press she struggled to find a joke for Julia Roberts because she’s so "beloved."
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The final result? "Just like the podcasters nominated tonight, I should not be allowed to be this close to Julia Roberts." It landed perfectly.
The monologue also addressed the reality of the industry. She joked about the awards taking place in a city where "no TV or film has been made for the past six years." It was a subtle nod to the production shifts and labor issues that have plagued the industry recently.
Actionable Takeaways for Fans and Creators
If you're looking to catch the full vibe of the nikki glaser golden globes opening monologue, here is how to dive deeper into the fallout and the best bits:
- Watch the "Meta" Moments: Pay attention to the parts where she breaks character and talks to the actors directly. That’s where the real comedy happened.
- Check the Cut Content: Glaser later admitted on The Howard Stern Show that some of her harshest material—like a joke about Sydney Sweeney’s movie Christy—was left on the cutting room floor. It's worth a listen to see where she almost went.
- Follow the Directors' Responses: Seeing Guillermo del Toro laugh at being told to keep making "monster sex movies" tells you everything you need to know about how the room actually felt.
Nikki Glaser has officially cemented herself as the go-to host for an era that is tired of self-serious award ceremonies. She proved that you can roast the elites while still being the biggest fan in the room.
If you want to understand why this specific performance is still trending, look at the way she handled the "BS News" joke. It wasn't just a dig; it was a commentary on the network that signs her checks. That kind of fearlessness is rare in modern Hollywood.
Look for the full transcript on sites like Scraps from the Loft if you want to see the word-for-word delivery. The timing is everything.