Walk into a veterinary clinic today and mention fake testicles for dogs, and you’ll likely get one of two reactions: a stifled laugh or a very serious conversation about canine self-esteem. It sounds like a joke. A punchline from a late-night talk show. But for Gregg Miller, the inventor of Neuticles, this is a multi-million dollar business that has served over half a million pets worldwide since the mid-90s.
People are weird about their dogs. We treat them like children, dress them in sweaters, and apparently, some of us are deeply concerned about their "manhood" after a neuter surgery. It’s a strange intersection of human vanity, veterinary medicine, and the billion-dollar pet industry. You’ve probably seen the headlines or heard the rumors, but the reality of why people actually buy these things—and what the surgery is actually like—is way more nuanced than just "vanity."
The Origin Story Nobody Expected
Gregg Miller didn’t start out as a pet tech mogul. He was just a guy who didn't want his Bloodhound, Buck, to look different after being fixed. He looked at his dog and saw a potential identity crisis. While most vets will tell you a dog doesn't have the cognitive capacity to miss its testicles, Miller wasn't convinced. He teamed up with a veterinarian and eventually patented Neuticles.
Success didn't happen overnight. People thought it was ridiculous. But then the media caught wind of it. Miller eventually won an Ig Nobel Prize—a satirical award for "achievements that first make people laugh, and then make them think." Since then, the product has evolved from hard plastic to soft, "Natural Feel" silicone that mimics the weight and texture of the real thing. It's a fascinatng case of niche marketing. He found a problem that most people didn't even know existed and sold a solution that costs anywhere from $100 to over $1,000 depending on the size and material.
Why People Actually Buy Fake Testicles for Dogs
You might think it’s just for show dogs. That’s a common misconception. While some owners of purebred dogs use them to maintain a "standard" look in non-sanctioned shows, the vast majority of customers are just regular pet owners.
Honestly, it’s often about the owner’s projection. We project our own insecurities onto our pets. A guy who feels a sense of loss at the idea of neutering his "masculine" Rottweiler might be more likely to agree to the procedure if he knows the dog’s silhouette won't change. In a weird way, Neuticles have actually encouraged neutering. If a set of silicone implants is what it takes to get a stubborn owner to prevent pet overpopulation, most veterinarians see it as a "no harm, no foul" situation.
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There’s also the "visual trauma" aspect. Some owners simply hate the "tucked" look of a neutered male. They’ve grown used to their dog looking a certain way for years. When that change happens suddenly, it can be jarring. For them, it’s about maintaining the status quo of their dog's appearance.
The Surgery: It’s Not Just "Pop and Go"
Don't assume this is a DIY project or a simple add-on that any vet will do. Many veterinarians refuse to perform the procedure. They view it as unnecessary surgery. Every time you put a dog under anesthesia, there’s a risk. Every time you shove a foreign object into a body cavity, there’s a risk of infection or rejection.
The procedure usually happens at the same time as the neuter. The vet removes the actual testes and slides the silicone implants into the empty scrotal sac. It requires precision. If the implant is too large, it can cause skin tension and necrosis. If it’s too small, it looks unnatural.
Post-operative care is critical. Dogs don't know they have expensive silicone in them; they just know their groin area feels weird. They will lick. They will chew. If a dog rips out a Neuticle, you aren't just looking at a ruined cosmetic surgery; you're looking at a massive infection risk. Most vets who do the procedure insist on a strict "cone of shame" period for at least 10 to 14 days.
Materials and Sizing: What Are They Made Of?
The early versions were basically hard marbles. Dogs would sit down and you'd hear a "clack" on the hardwood floor. Not exactly subtle.
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Modern implants are typically made of solid medical-grade silicone. This is the same stuff used in human implants. It’s non-porous, meaning bacteria can't easily hide in it, which lowers the risk of chronic infection. There are different grades:
- Rigid Polypropylene: The "old school" version. It’s hard and less expensive.
- Soft Silicone: Much more popular. It’s squishy. It feels more like actual tissue.
- Custom Sizing: You can't put Great Dane implants in a Chihuahua. Sizing ranges from "Petite" to "Ultra Extra Large."
The cost varies wildly. You aren't just paying for the silicone; you're paying for the surgical expertise. Most clinics will charge a premium because they have to source the implants and take on the added liability of a cosmetic procedure.
The Ethical Debate in the Vet World
If you ask the American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA), their stance on purely cosmetic surgery is pretty clear: they generally discourage it unless there’s a functional benefit. But the "functional benefit" here is psychological—for the human, not the dog.
Critics argue that it’s unethical to subject an animal to longer anesthesia for a vanity project. There’s also the "deception" factor. In the high-stakes world of dog breeding and showing, using implants to hide a neuter is a major no-no. Most kennel clubs, like the AKC, have strict rules against "artificial alterations." If a dog is caught with implants in a show ring, the owner is usually banned.
On the flip side, some vets argue that anything that increases the neuter rate is a win. If fake testicles for dogs make a "macho" owner more likely to fix his dog, then the implants are technically saving lives by preventing unwanted litters. It's a murky middle ground.
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Common Myths and Realities
A lot of people think the dog will feel "more confident" with implants. There is zero scientific evidence for this. Dogs don't stand around the dog park comparing their scrotums. Their confidence is tied to their relationship with their owner, their environment, and their hormones (or lack thereof).
Another myth is that the implants "restore" testosterone. They don't. They are inert pieces of silicone. The hormonal changes associated with neutering—reduced aggression, less roaming, lower metabolism—will still happen exactly the same way. The only thing that stays the same is the view from behind.
Practical Steps for Interested Owners
If you’re seriously considering this for your dog, don't just buy a pair online and ask your local vet to "pop them in." That’s a recipe for disaster.
First, you need to find a vet who is actually comfortable with the procedure. Many aren't. You can check the official Neuticles website for a list of participating clinics, but even then, call and ask about their complication rates.
Second, timing is everything. It is significantly safer and cheaper to do this during the initial neuter surgery. Doing it later means a second round of anesthesia and a second incision through scar tissue, which increases the risk of the body rejecting the implant.
Lastly, be prepared for the recovery. A dog with implants needs to be kept incredibly calm. No jumping, no roughhousing, and absolutely no licking. If you have a high-energy breed, this might be a nightmare. Weigh the cosmetic "gain" against the two weeks of restricted activity and potential for surgical complications.
Actionable Insights for Pet Parents
- Consult early: Talk to your vet at the six-month mark before the neuter is scheduled.
- Check the rules: If you plan on doing any local dog shows or competitions, read the fine print. You could be disqualified.
- Budget for the "extras": The price of the implants is usually separate from the surgical fee, anesthesia, and follow-up meds.
- Prioritize the "Natural Feel": If you're going to do it, don't cheap out on the rigid versions. The soft silicone is much less likely to cause discomfort or irritation for the dog.
- Monitor like a hawk: Watch for redness, swelling, or any discharge at the incision site. Foreign body rejection is rare with medical silicone, but it happens.
Ultimately, the decision to use fake testicles for dogs is a personal one. It doesn't make you a bad owner, and it doesn't necessarily make your dog "happier." It's a cosmetic choice that sits at the weird, wonderful, and sometimes confusing intersection of how we live with our pets in the modern world. Just make sure the dog's safety always outranks the aesthetic.