In the world of 1980s television, Meredith Baxter was the personification of the American mother. As Elyse Keaton on Family Ties, she was the voice of reason, the stable center of a chaotic household. But behind the scenes, Baxter’s personal life was anything but stable. After three high-profile marriages to men—the most famous being to actor David Birney—and five children, the actress finally found her footing in a way she never expected.
Enter Nancy Locke.
Most people know Locke as the woman Baxter married after her public coming out in 2009, but the reality of their connection is far more nuanced. It wasn’t just a late-in-life romance. It was the result of a very specific, shared journey toward sobriety and radical honesty.
How Nancy Locke and Meredith Baxter Actually Met
The "Hollywood story" version of their meeting is pretty simple: they met through a friend. But the actual details are way more grounded. They didn’t meet at a glitzy premiere or on a film set. Honestly, it started with a series of phone calls.
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Nancy Locke, a general contractor by trade, was looking for support in her journey toward sobriety. A mutual friend suggested she reach out to Meredith. For five months, they talked on the phone without ever seeing each other. Locke didn't even realize she was talking to a famous TV star; she just knew she was talking to a woman named Meredith who understood the struggle of staying sober.
When they finally met for coffee at a Starbucks in Santa Monica, Locke was stunned. She saw the face that had been in millions of American living rooms for a decade. "Wait. You’re Meredith?" was the basic reaction.
They began dating in 2005. This was years before Baxter told the world she was a lesbian. During that time, they were just two women building a life in the quiet, navigating the complexities of Baxter’s past and her very public persona.
The 2009 "Today" Show Revelation
When Meredith Baxter sat down with Matt Lauer on the Today show in December 2009, the world was shocked. It’s hard to overstate how big of a deal this was for the "America's Mom" brand. She was 62 years old.
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She admitted that she didn't even realize she was gay until 2002. Think about that for a second. She spent six decades living a life that didn't quite fit, including three marriages that she later described as increasingly difficult. Her relationship with Nancy Locke was the catalyst for her to finally say, "This is who I am."
A Timeline of Their Marriage
- 2005: The phone calls start and the Starbucks meeting happens.
- 2006: They officially decide they are "dating" rather than just "seeing each other."
- 2009: Baxter comes out publicly, with Locke’s support behind the scenes.
- 2013: They tie the knot in Los Angeles.
The wedding itself was incredibly personal. Baxter was 66; Locke was 56. They exchanged handwritten vows. Baxter’s five children—Ted, Eva, Kate, Mollie, and Peter—were all there to witness it. In a quote that went viral at the time, Baxter told People magazine, "Now I understand why marriage caught on!" It was a funny, self-deprecating nod to the fact that, for the first time, she felt like she was actually in a partnership of equals.
Who is Nancy Locke?
It’s easy to get lost in Baxter’s celebrity, but Nancy Locke is a powerhouse in her own right. She isn’t an actress. She doesn’t seek the spotlight.
Locke is a building contractor. She’s also a musician. At their wedding reception, her band actually took the stage to play. The couple even took dance lessons before the big day to make sure their first dance was perfect. It’s those kinds of "normal person" details that make their relationship feel so authentic to fans.
The two eventually moved to Santa Barbara. They bought a home near the Mission in 2016 and became staples of the local community. They aren’t the type to be followed by paparazzi; they’re the type to host a benefit for a local charity or show up at a quiet dinner with friends.
Why Their Story Matters in 2026
We talk a lot about "authenticity" now, but Baxter and Locke lived it before it was a buzzword. Their relationship proved that it’s never too late to reinvent your life.
There’s a common misconception that Baxter’s coming out was a sudden whim. It wasn't. It was the result of years of work on herself, much of it done alongside Locke. They built their foundation on sobriety and transparency. That’s probably why, thirteen years after their wedding, they are still one of the most stable couples in the public eye.
If you’re looking for a takeaway from their journey, it’s basically this: your past doesn't define your capacity for a happy future. Baxter went through three divorces and a very public career transition, but she found her "happy ending" in her 60s.
What You Can Learn from Their Journey
- Honesty has no expiration date: You don't have to have it all figured out by 30.
- Shared values are the bedrock: Their mutual commitment to sobriety was the glue that held them together during the media firestorm of 2009.
- Privacy is a choice: Despite Baxter's fame, they have managed to keep their private life relatively low-key by focusing on their community in Santa Barbara.
If you are interested in the deeper details of Meredith Baxter's transition from her life as "Meredith Baxter-Birney" to her life with Nancy Locke, her memoir Untied is the best resource. It’s raw, it’s honest, and it doesn't sugarcoat the "messy" parts of her previous marriages or her struggle with alcohol. It gives a lot of context to why her relationship with Locke felt like such a relief.
The best way to respect their story is to view it not as a "celebrity scandal," but as a very human account of two people finding each other when they were finally ready to be themselves.