So, your wife wants you to go down on her. Maybe this is a new request that caught you off guard, or maybe it’s been a recurring "we should do this more" conversation that usually ends in a quick change of subject.
It happens.
For some guys, cunnilingus feels like second nature—a fun, low-pressure way to connect. For others? It’s a source of massive performance anxiety. You might be worried about your technique, the "messiness" of it, or even just the logistics of not getting a neck cramp two minutes in. Honestly, the mental block is usually bigger than the physical act itself. But here is the thing: if she is asking, it’s because she trusts you. She’s inviting you into a space where she feels vulnerable and wants to feel good.
Don't overthink it. Seriously.
Why Cunnilingus Is A Big Deal For Her
Most women—about 75% according to a landmark study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy—require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. It isn't a "bonus" or a "extra credit" activity. For the vast majority of women, it is the main event. If she says "my wife wants me to go down on her," she isn't just asking for a favor; she is asking for the specific type of intimacy that her body is biologically wired to respond to.
Penetrative sex is great, sure. But for many women, the mechanics of it just don't hit the right spots consistently. Oral sex allows for a level of precision that you simply can't get during intercourse. You can control the speed, the pressure, and the rhythm without the distractions of, well, everything else.
💡 You might also like: Wire brush for cleaning: What most people get wrong about choosing the right bristles
The Psychology Of Being Desired
When you go down on your wife, you’re sending a very specific message: I am here for your pleasure. It’s selfless.
It tells her that her satisfaction is a priority, not an afterthought. Sex therapist Dr. Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First, often talks about how "the lead-up" and the focus on her pleasure can actually fix a lot of underlying tension in a marriage. It’s not just about the orgasm; it’s about the attention.
Getting Past The "I Don't Know What I'm Doing" Phase
The biggest hurdle is usually the fear of doing it "wrong." You’ve seen movies. You’ve heard jokes. You think you need to have some legendary tongue stamina or a secret vibration technique.
You don't.
Consistency beats complexity every single time. Most women will tell you that the biggest mistake men make isn't "bad technique," it's changing the rhythm just as things are getting good. If she starts breathing harder, keep doing exactly what you are doing. Don't speed up. Don't try a new trick you saw on the internet. Stay the course.
📖 Related: Images of Thanksgiving Holiday: What Most People Get Wrong
Communication is your best tool here, even if it feels a bit awkward at first. You aren't a mind reader. Ask her for a "GPS" guide. Does she want more pressure? Less? Higher up? Lower? If she’s vocal, listen. If she’s quiet, pay attention to her hips. If she’s pulling you closer, you’re on the right track. If she’s tensing up or moving away, you might be a bit too direct or too rough.
Comfort Is King (And Queen)
If you’re uncomfortable, it’s going to show. If your neck hurts or your back is straining, you’re going to rush. Use pillows. Lots of them. Prop her hips up. Sit on the edge of the bed. Find a position where you can hang out for a while without needing a chiropractor afterward.
Breaking Down The Barriers
Let’s be real for a second. Some guys have hang-ups about scent or taste. It’s a natural part of the human body, but if it’s a genuine barrier for you, talk about it—gently.
Shower together beforehand. Make it part of the foreplay. Use flavored lubricants if that helps bridge the gap. The goal is to remove the "ick" factor so you can actually enjoy the intimacy of the moment. If you're holding your breath or acting like it's a chore, she's going to sense that immediately, and the mood will die faster than a cheap battery.
Also, stop worrying about the "finish line." Sometimes cunnilingus leads to an orgasm, and sometimes it's just a way to get her ready for something else. Both are wins. If you approach it with the mindset of "I have to make her peak right now," you’re putting way too much pressure on both of you. Just enjoy the sensation. Enjoy the fact that she wants you there.
👉 See also: Why Everyone Is Still Obsessing Over Maybelline SuperStay Skin Tint
Practical Steps To Level Up Tonight
If your wife wants you to go down on her more often, don't wait for her to ask again. Take the initiative. It’s much more powerful when you suggest it.
- Start Slow: Foreplay doesn't start in the bedroom. It starts with a text or a touch earlier in the day. Build the anticipation.
- The "Alphabet" Technique: If you're lost on what to do with your tongue, "writing" the alphabet is a classic piece of advice for a reason—it creates variety and helps you find what she likes. But once you find a spot she reacts to, stop the alphabet and stick to that spot.
- Use Your Hands: Don't just ignore the rest of her body. Use your hands on her thighs, her hips, or her chest. It makes the experience feel more "whole-body" and less like you're just focused on one tiny area.
- Check Your Ego: If she gives you a correction, don't take it as a critique of your manhood. It’s a "hot" or "cold" game. She’s trying to help you win.
- The Power Of The "Afterglow": Don't just jump straight into the next thing or roll over when you're done. Stay close.
Intimacy is built in these small, deliberate moments. If your wife is asking for this, she is asking for a deeper connection. Give it to her. Not because you have to, but because seeing her lose control is one of the most rewarding parts of being in a relationship.
Forget the mechanics for a minute and just focus on her. You’ll find that once you stop overthinking, the rest comes naturally.
Actionable Next Steps
- Initiate a "No-Pressure" Night: Suggest a session where the only goal is her pleasure, with no expectation of intercourse. This removes the performance anxiety for both of you.
- Ask One Specific Question: Tonight, ask her: "What’s one thing I do that you wish I did for longer?" It’s a low-stakes way to get vital feedback.
- Invest in Comfort: Grab a "wedge" pillow or just experiment with different heights on the bed to ensure you can stay in the moment without physical strain.