You’re doing laundry. You reach into the dryer, pull out a pair of your favorite lace hipsters, and realize they look a little... stretched. Or maybe you found them tucked in the back of his drawer. Or, perhaps more commonly in 2026, he just sat you down and told you straight up. If you've realized my husband wears my panties, your brain is probably racing through a million different scenarios. Is he gay? Does he want to be a woman? Is our marriage over?
Take a breath. It's actually way more common than most people think.
The reality of male lingerie interest—often called cross-dressing or under-dressing—is a complex mix of psychology, sensory preference, and sometimes just plain old curiosity. It’s not a one-size-fits-all situation. For some guys, it’s about the fabric. For others, it’s a sexual thrill. And for a huge chunk of men, it’s actually a way to manage anxiety. We’re going to peel back the layers on why this happens and what it actually means for your relationship.
Why Men Reach for Silk Instead of Cotton
Most people assume that if a man wants to wear women’s underwear, it’s a sign of gender dysphoria. While that can be true for some, it’s rarely the starting point for a married man who has lived his life as a "typical guy."
Dr. Peggy J. Kleinplatz, a renowned sex therapist and professor, has often noted that human sexuality and expression are far more diverse than the binary boxes we try to shove them into. For many men, the appeal of "her" underwear is rooted in the sensory experience. Men’s underwear is traditionally functional. It’s rugged. It’s often scratchy cotton or restrictive elastic. Women’s lingerie, on the other hand, is designed for feel. Silk, satin, and lace offer a tactile sensation that men’s clothing simply lacks.
Honestly, some guys just think they’re more comfortable.
Then there’s the psychological "taboo" factor. We live in a society where women can wear flannels, boots, and boxers without anyone blinking. But the moment a man moves toward the feminine, it’s viewed as a "demotion" by the patriarchy. This creates a "forbidden fruit" effect. The act of wearing something forbidden can trigger a dopamine release. It becomes a secret thrill, a way to feel rebellious against rigid social expectations.
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It’s Not Always About Sex
A major misconception is that this is purely a fetish. While "autogynephilia" is a term used by some researchers like Ray Blanchard to describe sexual arousal at the thought or image of oneself as a woman, many modern clinicians find this framework too narrow.
For a lot of husbands, wearing panties is grounding. It’s a private comfort. They aren't looking to transition or even necessarily perform a "role." They just like the way the fabric feels against their skin during a stressful workday. It’s a secret layer of softness in a world that demands they be "hard."
Navigating the "Discovery" Phase
Finding out can be a total shock. You might feel betrayed, not because of the act itself, but because of the secrecy. If he’s been hiding this for years, you start wondering what else he’s hiding. That’s a valid feeling.
Trust is the bedrock of any marriage. When a husband hides his habits, it creates a "shame cycle." He’s ashamed, so he hides. You find out, he feels more shame, so he retreats further. Breaking this cycle requires a level of radical honesty that most couples aren't prepared for.
- Don't panic-react. Avoid using words like "weirdo," "freak," or "disgusting." Those words stick. They create permanent scars in the relationship.
- Ask "The Why." Instead of asking "What is wrong with you?", try "What do you like about it?" Is it the feel? The look? The secrecy?
- Assess the boundaries. Is he wearing your actual panties, or just the same style? Many wives find that the biggest issue isn't the cross-dressing, but the fact that their expensive Victoria's Secret pairs are being stretched out or "borrowed" without permission.
Setting boundaries is huge here. If the behavior bothers you, it's okay to say, "I’m okay with you wearing this style, but I need you to buy your own." This moves the behavior from "sneaky" to "accepted personal choice."
What This Means for Your Sex Life
Does this mean he’s gay? In the vast majority of cases involving married men who enjoy women's underwear: No.
Sexual orientation (who you are attracted to) and gender expression (how you dress or feel) are two different things on the neurological map. Most men who engage in this behavior are strictly heterosexual. In fact, many find that incorporating this into their sex life actually increases their libido and intimacy with their wives because they no longer feel like they’re hiding a piece of themselves.
However, it can change the dynamic. Some women find it a total turn-off. They want a "masculine" partner and feel that the lingerie erodes that image. Others find it fun and experimental. Both reactions are legitimate. You aren't "narrow-minded" if it turns you off, and you aren't "crazy" if you decide to buy him his own pair.
The Impact of Modern Masculinity
We’re seeing more of this now because the "man box" is cracking. In 2026, the definitions of what a man "can" do are shifting. We see male celebrities on red carpets in skirts and lace. This cultural shift makes it safer for the average guy to explore his own curiosities.
But just because it's "safer" globally doesn't mean it feels safe in your bedroom.
If my husband wears my panties, it might be a sign that he’s looking for a way to express a softer side that he doesn't feel he can show at work or with his friends. It’s a private rebellion against the "tough guy" persona.
When to Seek Professional Help
If this behavior is coupled with a total withdrawal from the relationship, or if he’s spending thousands of dollars on a secret wardrobe while the mortgage goes unpaid, that’s a problem. That’s an impulse control or addiction issue.
But if he’s a great dad, a hard worker, and a loving husband who just happens to have a drawer full of nylon, it’s usually just a quirk of his personality.
Therapists who specialize in "kink-aware" counseling or gender identity can be incredibly helpful. They provide a neutral space where he can drop the shame and you can voice your concerns without feeling like the "bad guy."
Moving Forward: Actionable Insights
If you’ve recently discovered this side of your husband, you don’t have to make a decision about your marriage today. Here is how to actually handle the next few weeks:
- Separate the garment from the man. He is still the person who fixed your car and makes you laugh. The underwear doesn't erase his character.
- Establish "Linen Rules." If you're okay with it but hate the "sharing" aspect, buy him his own set. Brands like MeUndies or even specialty lines like Hommemystere create "lingerie for men" that fits a male physique but uses "feminine" fabrics. This often solves the "stretched out elastic" problem immediately.
- Talk about the "End Game." Ask him if this is as far as it goes. Is he happy just wearing the underwear, or is there a desire for full cross-dressing or transition? Knowing the "destination" helps lower your anxiety about the future.
- Check your own "Erotic Blueprint." Read Come As You Are by Dr. Emily Nagoski. It helps explain how "brakes" and "accelerators" work in our brains. His "accelerator" might just be triggered by different textures than yours.
- Schedule a "State of the Union." Don't let this become the "elephant in the room." Talk about it once a week for ten minutes until it stops feeling like a bombshell and starts feeling like just another part of your lives.
Understanding that this is a common, albeit private, facet of many men's lives can take the sting out of the discovery. It isn't necessarily a "red flag" for a divorce. Often, it's just a man trying to find a little bit of comfort and softness in a world that rarely offers it to him. Focus on the communication and the honesty; the fabric is just fabric.
The best path forward is one paved with curiosity rather than judgment. If he can be honest with you about this, he can be honest about anything. That kind of transparency, once the initial shock wears off, can actually make a marriage stronger than it was when the secret was still hidden in the shadows of the laundry basket.