You’ve probably heard the rumors. The "sex through a sheet" thing. The idea that Mormons—members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints—only have sex to make babies and never for fun. Honestly? Most of that is just urban legend fodder. But the reality of mormon rules on sex is actually way more complex, and in some ways, more intense than the myths.
It’s about a code called the Law of Chastity.
Basically, it's a "no-go" on anything sexual outside of a legal marriage between a man and a woman. That means no "hookup culture," no "friends with benefits," and definitely no cohabiting before you’ve said "I do." It’s a high bar. In a world where Swiping Right is the literal standard, the LDS approach feels like a time capsule.
The Law of Chastity: More Than Just "No"
For a young Mormon, the rules start early. You aren't supposed to date seriously until you're 16. Even then, the Church encourages group dating to keep things from getting too heated. Why? Because the goal is to avoid "arousing" feelings that you can't righteously act on yet.
It’s not just about the act itself.
The Church’s General Handbook, which is basically the policy bible for local leaders, is pretty specific. It bans "masturbation" and "pornography." It even warns against "passionate kissing"—sometimes colloquially called "soul kissing" by older generations—because it's seen as a slippery slope.
What counts as "sex"?
In the LDS world, the definition is broad. It’s not just intercourse. It includes "petting," which is a bit of an old-school term for touching private areas, even over clothing. If you're doing it to get off, and you aren't married, it's generally considered a violation.
Marriage Changes Everything (Mostly)
Once you get that marriage license and, for many, a temple sealing, the lights turn green. Sort of. There’s a common misconception that the Church dictates every move a couple makes in the bedroom.
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That’s not really true anymore.
Back in the early 1980s, there was a letter sent out to bishops that explicitly banned oral sex, calling it "unnatural." It caused a massive stir. People were rightfully confused. Within months, the Church backed off, sending a follow-up letter saying that leaders shouldn't be "inquiring" into the private lives of married couples unless it involved something like abuse or "unholy" practices.
Today, the official stance is that intimacy in marriage is "divinely approved." It's for bonding, not just babies.
- Birth Control: Totally allowed. The Church says the decision of how many children to have is a "private matter" between the couple and the Lord.
- IVF and Fertility: Generally okay, though they "discourage" using donor eggs or sperm from people outside the marriage.
- Pleasure: Modern LDS therapists, like those often featured in LDS Living, openly teach that sexual pleasure is a gift from God. It’s a far cry from the Victorian vibes people expect.
The LGBTQ+ Intersection
This is where the rules get the most scrutiny and, frankly, the most painful for many. The Church is firm on its definition of marriage: one man, one woman.
Same-sex attraction isn't a sin in itself. You can be a gay Mormon in "good standing." But—and it's a big "but"—you have to remain celibate. Forever. Or, you try to make a "mixed-orientation" marriage work, though the Church has moved away from specifically recommending that lately.
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If a member enters a legal same-sex marriage, they are technically in violation of the Law of Chastity. In the past, this was labeled "apostasy," but the terminology has softened. Still, the outcome is usually the same: you can't hold a temple recommend or participate in certain ordinances.
Myths vs. Reality: The "Sheet" and the Garment
Let’s clear this up: Mormons do not have sex through a sheet. That is a weird myth that likely started because some outsiders saw "temple garments" (the white underclothing devout members wear) and assumed they stayed on during sex.
They don't.
The garment is considered sacred, a physical reminder of covenants made in the temple. You’re supposed to wear it "throughout your life." But common sense applies. You take it off to swim, to shower, and yes, for sex. There is no "special hole" for procreation.
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What Happens if You Break the Rules?
If you mess up, you don't just get kicked out immediately. The LDS system is built on "repentance."
If a member has premarital sex, they usually meet with their Bishop. Depending on the situation, they might lose their "temple recommend" for a while. This means they can't go to the temple or perform certain duties. In more serious cases—like long-term affairs or abuse—a "membership council" might happen. This can result in "formal membership restrictions" or, in rare cases, "withdrawal of membership" (excommunication).
It sounds harsh to an outsider. To a believer, it's seen as a "healing process."
Actionable Insights: Navigating the Boundaries
If you are a member or dating one, understanding these nuances is key to avoiding major friction.
- Communication is the only way. Since the Church doesn't give a "playbook" for the bedroom anymore, married couples have to decide their own boundaries. If it feels "unholy" to one person, it's a no-go.
- Understand the "Why." The Church teaches that sexual energy is "procreative power." They believe it’s literally the power to create life, which is why they guard it so fiercely.
- Respect the Garment. If you're dating a member, realize that the underclothing isn't just "underwear." It's a deeply personal religious symbol.
- Know the Handbook. If a leader asks you something that feels way too invasive about your married sex life, remember that the General Handbook (Section 38.6) actually protects your privacy. You don't have to give play-by-play details.
The world of mormon rules on sex isn't about a list of "thou shalt nots" written on a stone tablet in a basement. It’s a moving target of tradition, modern policy, and a very deep belief that what happens behind closed doors is actually a spiritual act.
Whether you agree with it or not, it's a lifestyle that millions of people take very, very seriously.
To dig deeper into how these rules affect daily life, you might want to look into the LDS General Handbook or read recent General Conference talks on the "Law of Chastity" to see how the language continues to evolve in 2026.