You've probably heard the word thrown around in a Twitter spat or a heated dinner table debate. Maybe it was used to describe a celebrity who made a crude joke, or perhaps it was leveled at a politician during a campaign. But what is the definition of a misogynist, really? It isn't just a fancy word for someone who is being a jerk. It is deeper than that. It is more systemic. Honestly, the way we use the term today has become so blurred that we often miss the actual psychological and sociological roots of the behavior.
Misogyny isn't just "hating women." That is the dictionary version, sure. But if you talk to sociologists or people who study gender dynamics, they will tell you it is more about a system of policing. It is about keeping a specific social order in place.
Think about it this way. A person doesn't have to wake up every morning feeling a burning rage toward every female they see to be a misogynist. Instead, they might just feel that women should act a certain way, stay in a certain lane, or provide certain things. When a woman breaks those unwritten rules? That is when the misogyny flares up. It is the "enforcement mechanism" of patriarchy.
The Misunderstood Definition of a Misogynist
Kate Manne, a philosopher at Cornell University, basically rewrote how we think about this in her book Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny. She argues that we should stop looking at what is inside a man’s head—his private feelings—and start looking at how he treats women who don’t conform to his expectations.
It is a subtle shift. But it changes everything.
If you define a misogynist solely as someone who "hates" women, you'll find plenty of guys who say, "I love women! I love my mom! I love my wife!" And they might mean it. But if that same guy treats a female CEO with total vitriol because she is "bossy," or if he loses his mind when a woman rejects his advances, he is displaying misogynistic behavior. He loves women as long as they serve a specific role in his life. The moment they become independent agents with their own power, he reacts with hostility.
That hostility is the key.
It's not about a universal dislike for the "female" category. It's about maintaining a hierarchy. When people ask for the definition of a misogynist, they are usually looking for a checklist of bad behaviors. But it's more like an immune response. The social system "attacks" the person it sees as a threat to the status quo.
Where Does This Actually Come From?
Psychology suggests this starts early. Some experts point to "hostile sexism" vs. "benevolent sexism." This is a concept developed by Peter Glick and Susan Fiske.
Hostile sexism is the easy one to spot. It’s the insults, the glass ceiling, the overt belief that women are inferior or trying to control men. Benevolent sexism is sneakier. It’s the idea that women are "pure" and "need protection" and are "naturally better at nurturing." It sounds like a compliment, right? It isn't. It is a gilded cage. It still defines women by their utility to others rather than their own humanity.
A misogynist often bounces between these two. They might be "chivalrous" to the woman who stays quiet and does the housework, but the second she asks for a divorce or demands a raise, the mask slips. The "good" woman becomes the "bad" woman instantly.
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We see this in "incel" (involuntary celibate) communities online. These subcultures have created an entire lexicon—words like "Stacy" or "femoid"—to dehumanize women. In these spaces, the definition of a misogynist isn't a slur; it’s a badge of honor. They believe they are entitled to women's attention and bodies, and they feel a deep sense of "aggrieved entitlement" when they don't get it. This isn't just a few lonely guys in basements. It’s a radicalization pipeline that has led to real-world violence.
The Difference Between Sexism and Misogyny
People use these words interchangeably. They shouldn't.
Sexism is the ideology. It is the belief system that one sex is inherently superior to the other. It is the "theory."
Misogyny is the practice. It is the "police force."
If sexism is the law that says "men are the leaders," misogyny is the ticket you get—or the yelling you endure—when you, as a woman, try to lead. It is the social consequence. You can be sexist without being an active misogynist in every moment, and you can exhibit misogyny without even realizing you hold sexist beliefs. It’s baked into the culture.
How It Shows Up in the Real World
It isn't always a screaming match. Sometimes it is "manterrupting"—that thing where a man constantly speaks over a woman in a meeting. Or "mansplaining," where a man explains something to a woman that she already knows, often something she is actually an expert in.
- Medical Gaslighting: Studies have shown that women's pain is often taken less seriously by doctors. They are told they are "emotional" or "anxious" when they have physical symptoms.
- The Likability Trap: In politics and business, women have to be "tough" to be competent, but "warm" to be liked. If they are too tough, they are a "shrew." If they are too warm, they are "weak."
- Online Harassment: Look at the comment section of any female journalist or gamer. The threats aren't usually about the content of their work; they are gendered. They are about their bodies, their looks, and their right to exist in a "male" space.
This stuff matters because it has a silencing effect. When the cost of speaking up is a barrage of rape threats or being told you're "crazy," most people eventually stop speaking. That is exactly what misogyny is designed to do. It keeps the room quiet.
Can Women Be Misogynists?
Actually, yes. It's called "internalized misogyny."
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When you grow up in a culture that devalues women, you start to believe some of it yourself. You might find yourself judging other women for being "too slutty" or "too career-focused." You might take pride in being "not like other girls" because you've subconsciously accepted the idea that "other girls" are inferior.
It is a survival mechanism. If you can distance yourself from the group being targeted, you feel safer. But you aren't. You're just helping maintain the system that will eventually turn on you, too.
How to Spot the Signs
If you're wondering if someone in your life fits the definition of a misogynist, don't look at how they treat their "favorites." Look at how they treat the women they disagree with.
- Do they use gendered slurs the moment they are angry?
- Do they view women's successes as a personal attack on men?
- Do they believe women owe them something—attention, sex, labor—just for being "nice"?
- Do they dismiss women's expertise or lived experiences as "hysteria"?
- Do they hold women to a much higher moral or professional standard than men?
If the answer is yes, you aren't dealing with a "difference of opinion." You're dealing with misogyny.
Moving Beyond the Definition
Understanding the definition of a misogynist is just the start. The real work is unlearning the biases we all carry.
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It starts with listening. When a woman tells you about her experience, believe her. Don't play "devil's advocate." The devil has enough advocates.
In the workplace, audit who is doing the "office housework"—the note-taking, the party planning, the emotional labor of keeping everyone happy. Is it always the women? If so, change it.
In your personal life, call out the "locker room talk." It isn't harmless. It creates the foundation for more serious behaviors.
Next Steps for Real Change:
- Audit Your Media: Take a look at the books you read and the movies you watch. Are women's voices central, or are they just plot points for a man's journey?
- Practice Active Support: If you see a woman being talked over in a meeting, stop the conversation and say, "I'd like to hear her finish her point."
- Self-Reflect: Check your own "gut reactions." If a woman in power makes you feel "uncomfortable," ask yourself why. Is it her behavior, or is it simply that she is a woman in power?
- Support Structural Change: Misogyny is a systemic issue. Support policies like equal pay, paid parental leave, and robust protections against workplace harassment.
Changing a culture is slow. It is messy. But it begins with calling things by their real names. Misogyny isn't an "old-fashioned" problem; it is a current reality that requires a conscious, daily effort to dismantle. Look at the patterns, listen to the voices being silenced, and choose to be part of the solution rather than the enforcement.