We used to treat the wedding day like a finish line. You hit twenty-five, you find a partner, you sign the papers, and you start the "real" part of your life. But honestly, that’s just not the vibe anymore. For a huge chunk of the population, the phrase maybe one day I’ll get married has shifted from a desperate hope to a casual, non-committal shrug. It’s a complete pivot in how we view adulthood.
Marriage rates in the United States have been on a downward slope for decades. According to data from the Pew Research Center, roughly 25% of 40-year-olds in the U.S. had never been married as of 2021. That’s a record high. It isn't necessarily because people hate the idea of love or partnership. It's just that the "why" and the "when" have become incredibly complicated.
Life is messy now. Between the soul-crushing weight of student loans and the fact that a "starter home" costs more than a small island used to, the traditional sequence of life events has been tossed in a blender. People are choosing to build a foundation first.
The Financial Wall
Let's talk about the money. Getting married is expensive, but being married—or rather, setting up the life that society expects of married people—is even pricier. When someone says, maybe one day I’ll get married, they are often silently adding, "once my credit score isn't a disaster and I stop living with three roommates."
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The "Marriage Wage Premium" used to be a real thing where married men earned more, but even those economic structures are flickering. Nowadays, many young adults view marriage as a "luxury good." You don't do it to start your life; you do it as a capstone once your life is already stable. It’s a trophy for surviving your twenties and thirties.
Why the "Maybe" Matters
There’s a specific kind of freedom in the "maybe." In previous generations, the pressure to wed was a crushing social weight, especially for women. If you weren't hitched by twenty-three, people started looking at you like you had a contagious disease.
Now? The stigma is dying. Slow, but dying.
We’re seeing the rise of "Living Apart Together" (LAT) relationships. This is a real trend where couples are fully committed, maybe even for decades, but they keep their own apartments. They want the intimacy without the shared bathroom clutter. When you’re in a LAT setup, the idea of maybe one day I’ll get married feels like an optional software update rather than a mandatory operating system.
The psychological shift is massive. We are prioritizing self-actualization over institutional belonging.
The Biological Clock vs. The Career Ladder
You can't talk about marriage without talking about kids. Historically, the two were a package deal. But with the rise of egg freezing and a more general acceptance of "choice motherhood," the link is fraying.
Dr. Bella DePaulo, a social psychologist at UC Santa Barbara, has spent years researching "singles" and the "matrimania" that permeates our culture. She argues that many people are "single by heart." For them, the internal dialogue of maybe one day I’ll get married isn't about finding "the one." It's about whether they want to compromise their autonomy at all.
It’s a valid question. Do you want to share your bank account? Do you want to check with someone else before you buy a $200 espresso machine or move to Berlin for a job?
Some people say yes. Some say "maybe."
The Digital Dating Fatigue
Apps have made it easier to meet people but significantly harder to actually marry them. The "Paradox of Choice" is a real thing. When you have a literal infinite scroll of potential partners, the "maybe" becomes a permanent state of mind.
Why commit to this person when the next swipe could be 5% better? This "optimization" of romance leads to a perpetual waiting room. You’re always one foot out the door.
Redefining the "Happy Ending"
We need to stop looking at the "maybe" as a failure of character or a lack of maturity. Sometimes, it’s the most mature stance you can take. It’s an acknowledgment that you aren’t ready, or that the person you’re with isn't the right one to legally bind yourself to.
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Legal marriage carries over 1,000 federal benefits and responsibilities in the U.S. alone. It’s a massive legal contract. Treating it with a bit of "maybe" energy might actually be more respectful to the institution than rushing into it because you liked a specific floral arrangement on Pinterest.
Actionable Steps for the "Maybe" Phase
If you find yourself constantly thinking maybe one day I’ll get married, but you aren't sure how to navigate the current moment, here is how to handle the uncertainty without losing your mind:
- Audit your "Why": Ask yourself if you actually want a marriage or if you just want a wedding. There is a huge difference between a twelve-hour party and a fifty-year legal partnership. If it's the party, throw a big birthday bash and save yourself the divorce lawyer fees later.
- Secure your own bag: Don't wait for a dual-income household to start saving or investing. Financial independence is the best foundation for a healthy marriage—and the best safety net if you stay single.
- Have the "Uncomfortable" Talk: If you are in a long-term relationship, "maybe" can be a dangerous word if your partner is a "definitely." Use specific timelines. "I want to think about this again in two years" is better than "one day."
- Ignore the "Single Tax": Yes, living alone is more expensive. Yes, taxes can be higher. But staying in a bad relationship to save on rent is a recipe for a mid-life crisis.
- Focus on Social Capital: Marriage shouldn't be your only source of intimacy. Build a "found family." Invest in friendships that can survive your potential future spouse.
The reality is that maybe one day I’ll get married is a statement of possibility, not a sentence of loneliness. It's okay to wait. It's okay to never do it at all. The only person who has to live with your decision is you, so make sure it's a choice based on your actual life, not a script written in 1955.