You’ve probably heard it at a wedding. Or maybe shouted over the clink of pint glasses in a dimly lit pub where the floor is just a little bit sticky. It starts with "May those who love us, love us." It’s rhythmic. It’s catchy. Honestly, it’s one of those pieces of folklore that feels like it’s been around since the dawn of time, even if most people can only remember the first two lines before they start mumbling and looking for their drink.
But there’s a weird thing about this blessing.
People think it’s just a sweet sentiment about friendship. It’s not. Not really. If you actually look at the full text, it’s a masterclass in "polite" Irish pettiness. It is a prayer for your friends and a very specific, slightly hilarious curse for your enemies. In a world of sanitized, Hallmark-style quotes, this toast stands out because it has actual teeth.
Where did May those who love us actually come from?
Tracing the exact origin of Irish blessings is basically like trying to find a specific drop of water in the Atlantic. Most of these rhymes lived in the oral tradition long before they were ever printed on a tea towel or a souvenir shot glass in Temple Bar.
Scholars of Irish folklore, like the late Diarmaid Ó Muirithe, often pointed out that these "double-edged" blessings are a staple of Gaelic culture. There is a specific tradition called the maledictory blessing. It sounds like a contradiction, right? How can you bless someone and curse them at the same time? But that’s the Irish way. It’s about balance.
The most common version of the text goes like this:
"May those who love us, love us;
And those who don't love us, may God turn their hearts;
And if He doesn't turn their hearts, may He turn their ankles,
So we'll know them by their limping."
It’s brilliant. It starts out pious and ends with you wishing a minor physical deformity on someone who doesn't like you. It reflects a very human reality: we want to be loved, but we also want a way to spot the haters before they get too close.
The psychology of the "Turned Ankle"
Why do we love this specific toast so much?
Psychologically, it’s a release valve. When we gather for celebrations—weddings, wakes, birthdays—there is a lot of pressure to be "on." To be kind. To be perfect. This toast allows a little bit of the "shadow self" to come out in a way that’s socially acceptable. You’re not being a jerk; you’re just reciting a classic poem.
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There’s a concept in linguistics called social signaling. By reciting may those who love us, you are signaling that you belong to an "in-group." You are acknowledging that the world isn't always sunshine and rainbows. You’re admitting that people can be difficult.
Dr. E. Moore Quinn, a professor of anthropology who has studied Irish oral traditions extensively, notes that these types of expressions served as a form of social control in small villages. If you knew there was a blessing out there wishing for you to limp if you were a bad friend, you might think twice about being a snake in the grass. It’s folk wisdom disguised as a joke.
Beyond the pubs: The blessing in pop culture
You see variations of this everywhere now. It’s in movies like P.S. I Love You and shows like Outlander (which leans heavily into the Celtic vibe). But the commercialization of the phrase has sort of sanded down the edges.
Go to any gift shop in Savannah or Boston. You’ll find the first half of the phrase on a wooden plaque. They often leave out the part about the ankles. Why? Because it’s not "brand safe."
That’s a shame.
The grit is what makes it real. We live in an era of "toxic positivity" where you’re supposed to manifest good vibes and ignore the bad. This toast says: "No, the bad vibes exist, and I hope they trip over a rock." That is a much more honest way to live.
What most people get wrong about Irish blessings
There is a huge misconception that these are ancient Druidic chants. They aren't. Most of what we call "Old Irish Blessings" were actually popularized in the 19th and 20th centuries.
Take "May the road rise to meet you." People think it's from 500 AD. It’s likely much more recent than that. The phrase may those who love us follows a similar path. It’s "Stage Irish" in some ways—a version of Irishness created for export.
But does that make it fake?
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No. Folklore is a living thing. If people have been saying it for a hundred years at every significant life event, it becomes "real" through sheer force of will. It’s part of the cultural fabric now. It’s a bridge between the old country and the diaspora in America, Australia, and beyond.
How to actually use this toast without being a cliché
If you’re going to give a speech and you want to use this, don't just read it off a phone. That’s the quickest way to kill the mood.
You have to nail the timing.
The first two lines should be delivered with total sincerity. Look at the bride. Look at your best friend. Lean into the "love" part. Then, you pause. You take a sip of your drink. You let the room get quiet.
Then you drop the line about the ankles.
That contrast—the "turn" in the poem—is where the magic happens. It shows you have a sense of humor. It shows you aren't just another guy who Googled "best wedding toasts" five minutes before the ceremony.
The Variations You'll Hear
Depending on where you are, the "curse" changes.
- The Medical Version: Some versions say "may he turn their gall into vinegar." A bit dark for a wedding, honestly.
- The Financial Version: "May their pockets be heavy and their hearts be light." This is the "safe" version you see on greeting cards.
- The Local Twist: In parts of Newfoundland (which is basically "Ireland Lite"), you’ll hear variations about the sea or the weather interfering with the enemies.
Regardless of the version, the core remains the same. It is a request for discernment.
Actionable ways to bring this sentiment into your life
You don't need a tuxedo or a Guinness to appreciate the wisdom here. It’s basically a framework for boundary setting.
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Identify your "Limping" signals.
In modern life, we don't literally wish for people to twist their ankles. But we do need ways to identify who is "loving us" and who isn't. Pay attention to the people who only show up when things are going well. Those are the ones whose "hearts haven't turned." You don't need to be mean to them, but you should know who they are.
Practice the "Double-Edged" Gratitude.
Next time you’re grateful for something, acknowledge the struggle it took to get there. "I’m glad I have this job, and I’m glad I’m not at that old one anymore." It sounds simple, but it anchors your gratitude in reality.
Study the actual Folklore.
If you're interested in the real stuff, skip the Pinterest quotes. Look into the National Folklore Collection at University College Dublin (UCD). They have digitized thousands of real stories and blessings from actual people in the 1930s. You’ll find that real Irish folklore is much weirder, darker, and more interesting than the "may those who love us" version we see today.
Don't over-sanitize your relationships.
The lesson of the toast is that it’s okay to have enemies. Or at least, people you don't vibe with. You don't have to love everyone. You just have to hope they stay far enough away that you can see them coming.
The beauty of this toast isn't in the "love." It’s in the honesty. It’s a reminder that life is a mix of affection and friction. We should celebrate the people who have our backs, and we should have a witty way to dismiss the people who don't.
So, next time you raise a glass, say the whole thing. Don't cut out the "mean" part. The "mean" part is what makes the "love" part worth something.
To use this effectively in a speech or a card:
- Use it as a "closer," not an opener.
- If writing it in a card, put the first half on the front and the "limping" part on the inside.
- Always ensure the audience knows you're quoting a tradition, or it might just sound like you're being weirdly specific about ankles.
The world is full of people who will tell you what you want to hear. But the old Irish poets? They’ll tell you the truth, even if it comes with a bit of a sting. That’s why we’re still talking about this toast a century later. It’s not just a rhyme; it’s a survival strategy wrapped in a joke.
Keep your friends close, your enemies limping, and your glass full. That’s the real secret to a long life and a good story.
Key Takeaways for Your Next Event
- Sincerity is the foundation: The "love" portion of the toast must be genuine for the "limp" portion to land as a joke.
- Know your audience: This works great at a bachelor party or a casual 40th birthday; it might be a bit "edgy" for a very conservative religious ceremony.
- Brevity is king: Don't explain the toast before you say it. Just say it. The rhythm of the words does the work for you.
- Avoid the "Pinterest Trap": If you're printing this on something, include the full text. The "short version" loses the cultural wit that makes it famous.
The history of this phrase is a reminder that culture isn't just about high art or ancient ruins. It's about the words we say to each other when we're happy, when we're slightly tipsy, and when we're surrounded by the people who actually matter.