Hollywood is kinda famous for short-lived flings. You see a "power couple" on the red carpet one week and a divorce filing the next. But then there’s Mariska Hargitay and husband Peter Hermann.
Honestly, they’re the anomaly.
They met on the set of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit back in 2002. Mariska was already the face of the show, playing the iconic Olivia Benson. Peter walked on set as a guest star, playing defense attorney Trevor Langan. He’s tall, he’s got that classic leading-man look, and apparently, Mariska was a goner immediately. She later told Drew Barrymore she basically thought, "Who is this Clark Gable guy?"
But it wasn't a "glamour date" that sealed the deal.
The Date That Changed Everything
Their first real outing wasn't a fancy dinner at Nobu. Peter asked Mariska to go to church with him.
That’s a bold first move. It’s vulnerable. It’s also very Peter Hermann. He grew up in Germany and has this grounded, thoughtful energy that seems to balance Mariska’s high-octane passion. During that church service, Mariska didn't just feel a spark. She felt a "lightning bolt."
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She started sobbing in the pews. Not because the sermon was particularly sad, but because she just knew. She looked at him and realized she was looking at her future. She even told a friend that day, "This is the man I'm going to marry."
They tied the knot in 2004 in Santa Barbara. Two hundred guests, lots of flowers, and a decade-spanning commitment that actually stuck.
Building a Family (The Bumpy Way)
The road to their family of five wasn't exactly a straight line. Life rarely is, right?
They had their first son, August Miklos Friedrich Hermann, in 2006. Mariska was 42 at the time. She’s been very open about how much she loved being pregnant, even wearing maternity pants before she had a bump just because she was so excited. But they wanted a big family. Both of them grew up with lots of siblings and wanted that same "abundance," as Peter puts it.
Adoption was always the plan, but it was "not for the faint of heart."
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In 2011, their world changed twice in six months. They adopted their daughter, Amaya Josephine, in April. Mariska was actually in the delivery room and helped pull her out. Then, just as they were settling in, they got a call. A baby boy needed a home.
They said yes.
Andrew Nicolas joined the family just half a year after Amaya. Going from one kid to three in the span of a few months is chaotic. It’s a lot of diapers. It’s a lot of sleep deprivation. But for them, it felt "divinely right."
The "Wife Appropriation" Secret
So, how do they actually stay together for 20-plus years?
Peter says it’s laughter. He calls Mariska the "embodiment of joy." But Mariska recently dropped a more practical tip on the Good Hang podcast with Amy Poehler. She calls it "wife appropriation."
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Basically, they use a bit of role-reversal comedy to settle arguments. If Mariska is annoyed that Peter left a mess (she’s the organized one; he’s... not), they’ll eventually flip the script. Peter will parrot back her exact complaints to her in a later, similar situation.
It sounds silly. It is silly. But it shows that he’s actually listening. It turns a potential fight into a moment where they both realize how they’re acting.
What You Can Learn from Them
You don't need a TV budget to have a relationship like this. Looking at their history, a few things stand out:
- Shared values over shared hobbies: They bonded over faith and a desire for a big family, not just being actors.
- Embracing the mess: Their adoption journey had "wrenching moments," including a birth mother changing her mind at the last minute. They stayed a team through the heartbreak.
- Humor as a tool: They don't just laugh at jokes; they use humor to de-escalate tension.
- Waiting for the right fit: Mariska didn't get married until she was 40. She’s said she wasn't ready before then.
They recently showed up at the Cannes Film Festival in 2025 with all three kids—August (now a high school grad), Amaya, and Andrew. They looked like a normal, happy family. Well, as normal as you can look on a red carpet in France.
If you're looking to strengthen your own long-term partnership, try that "role reversal" trick next time you're bickering about the dishes. It might just save your night—and maybe your next twenty years.
To keep your own relationship grounded, focus on finding a "laughter partner" who shares your core non-negotiables, whether that's family, faith, or just a shared sense of how to handle life's "lightning bolt" moments.