Let’s be real for a second. When most people hear the word "scissoring," they immediately think of a very specific, often trope-heavy trope from lesbian adult cinema. It’s been meme-d to death. But there is a version of this—male and female scissoring—that pops up in sex ed forums and bedroom conversations more often than you might think. It’s not just a punchline. It’s a physical reality for a lot of couples looking to switch up their usual routine.
You’ve probably seen the diagram in your head. Two people, legs intertwined, sort of... rubbing? Yeah. That’s basically it. But when you introduce different anatomies into the mix, the physics change. It’s not just about the visual. Honestly, it’s about a very specific type of friction and proximity that you can’t really get from standard missionary or doggy style.
What is Male and Female Scissoring, Anyway?
The technical term often used by sexologists like Dr. Debby Herbenick is "tribadism," though that’s usually reserved for women. In a heterosexual context, male and female scissoring usually refers to a position where the partners lie facing each other, with their legs interleaved like the blades of a pair of scissors.
One partner's leg goes between the other's. Then the other leg goes on the outside.
It’s snug.
Because your bodies are angled, you get a ton of surface area contact. We aren't just talking about the obvious bits. We’re talking about thighs, hips, and chests pressed together. For many, the appeal isn't even the "act" itself, but the fact that you can look your partner right in the eye while being as physically close as humanly possible.
The Mechanics of the "V"
Usually, the man lies on his back or side, and the woman straddles one of his legs while her other leg remains on the bed. Or, they both lie on their sides. Side-lying is actually the "pro" move here. Why? Because it takes the weight off. No one is getting a dead arm or a cramped thigh three minutes in.
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When you’re side-lying, the peno-vaginal contact is shallow but consistent. If you’re looking for deep thrusting, this isn't it. This is for the "grinders." It’s about clitoral stimulation through the rhythm of the hips rather than the depth of the penetration.
Why Do Couples Even Bother With This?
Look, standard positions work for a reason. They're efficient. But male and female scissoring offers something called "coital alignment" (sort of). It’s a variation of the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT), which was popularized by psychotherapist Edward Eichel. The goal of CAT is to maximize clitoral stimulation during intercourse by using a grinding motion rather than a thrusting one.
Scissoring is like CAT’s more flexible cousin.
- It’s low energy. Seriously. If it’s a Tuesday night and you’re both exhausted but want to feel connected, this is the "lazy" person’s gold medal.
- The View. You are face-to-face. You can kiss. You can whisper. It’s intimate in a way that being face-down in a pillow just isn't.
- Clitoral Access. Most women (about 70% to 80% according to various studies, including the landmark National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior) require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. Scissoring provides that through direct pelvic contact.
The Common Misconceptions (What People Get Wrong)
People think it’s impossible. They see the name and imagine some sort of Cirque du Soleil gymnastics move where everyone ends up with a pulled hamstring. It’s not that deep.
Another big myth? That it’s "only for girls." That's just silly. Gender doesn't own a leg position. When a man and a woman engage in this, it changes the sensation for the man, too. It’s less about the "pumping" sensation and more about the entire shaft being compressed between the partner's labia and thighs. It’s a different kind of pressure.
How to Actually Do It Without Checking Into an ER
If you want to try male and female scissoring tonight, don't just dive in. You’ll probably just bang knees and get frustrated.
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- Start on your sides. Lie down facing each other.
- The Interlock. The person on the "bottom" (closest to the mattress) should slide their top leg between the other person's legs.
- The Tilt. You need to tilt your pelvises toward each other. If you’re just lying flat like planks of wood, nothing is going to touch. Think of it as making a "V" shape with your hips.
- Find the Rhythm. Forget the fast pace. This is a slow-burn move. It’s a grind, not a jackhammer.
It takes some wiggling. You might laugh because it feels awkward at first. That’s fine. Sex is supposed to be fun, not a somber ritual. If you feel a pinch in your hip, adjust the angle. Use a pillow under the bottom person's hip to create a better slope.
The Role of Friction and Lube
Because this is a grinding-heavy position, skin-on-skin contact is high. This can lead to "carpet burn" but on your skin. Not fun. Honestly, if you’re going to spend ten minutes scissoring, use a good quality water-based or silicone-based lubricant. It turns a potentially abrasive situation into a smooth one.
Specific brands like Sliquid or Uberlube are great because they don't get "tacky" as quickly. When you're scissoring, the heat from the constant rubbing can dry out natural moisture pretty fast.
Nuance: It’s Not for Everyone
We have to be honest here. If there is a significant height difference, this is going to be a struggle. If he’s 6'4" and she’s 5'1", the "parts" simply might not line up while the legs are locked. You’ll end up with a knee in a chest and a lot of confusion.
Also, if you have chronic hip pain or lower back issues, the lateral pressure of scissoring can be a literal pain in the neck (and hip). It requires a certain amount of flexibility in the hip flexors.
Taking It Further: Variations
Once you’ve mastered the basic side-lying version, some couples transition into a "scissors-cross" where the woman is on top but angled at 45 degrees. It allows for deeper penetration while keeping that leg-lock intimacy.
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You can also incorporate toys. A small vibrating "bullet" or a wearable vibrator fits perfectly in the gap between the pelvic bones in this position. Since your hands are mostly free (you aren't propping yourself up like a push-up), you can use them to explore.
Real Talk on Connection
At the end of the day, male and female scissoring is a tool in the kit. It’s about variety. The human body is capable of so many different angles, and we often get stuck in the "big three" positions because they’re easy. But exploring something like this—even if it ends in a fit of giggles and a tangled mess of limbs—builds a different kind of intimacy.
It forces you to communicate. "Is this working?" "Move your leg left." "There, right there." That kind of mid-act feedback is actually what builds long-term sexual satisfaction, according to researchers at the Kinsey Institute.
Actionable Next Steps for Couples
To make this actually work in your bedroom, follow these practical steps:
- Prioritize Flooring/Surface: Don't try this on a super soft memory foam mattress if you can help it. You need a bit of "push-back" from the surface to get the leverage right. A firm mattress or even a thick rug is better.
- The Pillow Prop: Keep a firm pillow nearby. Placing it under the small of the back or the lower hip can change the angle of the pelvis by just enough degrees to make "contact" much easier.
- Slow the Tempo: If you try to go at a standard missionary pace, you will slip out. Focus on a circular grinding motion. It’s about the clitoris and the base of the penis meeting, not just the "in and out."
- Communication is Mandatory: Because the alignment is so specific, you have to tell your partner what you’re feeling. If the friction is too much, add lube. If the angle is off, shift the legs.
Trying male and female scissoring isn't about replicating a movie scene. It's about finding a new way to be close, physically and emotionally, by changing the geography of how you fit together.