Abraham Lincoln is usually frozen in our minds as a marble statue. He’s the Great Emancipator, the guy on the five-dollar bill, the somber man with the stovepipe hat who saved the Union. But lately, the conversation has shifted toward his private life—specifically the "Lincoln lover of men" theory that’s been floating around academic circles and TikTok alike. It’s a messy, complicated, and honestly fascinating debate that tells us as much about how we view the past as it does about Lincoln himself.
Historians have been fighting over this for decades.
Some people think it's a modern projection. They argue we're trying to force 21st-century labels onto a 19th-century man who didn't even have the vocabulary for it. Others look at the evidence and say, "Come on, it's right there in front of us." We're talking about a man who shared a bed with another man for four years, wrote intensely emotional letters, and had physical intimacy that would raise eyebrows today. But back then? Things were different.
The Joshua Speed Connection
If you want to understand the root of the Lincoln lover of men discussion, you have to start with Joshua Speed. Speed was a storekeeper in Springfield, Illinois. In 1837, a young, broke Lincoln walked into Speed's shop looking for a bed. Speed offered to share his own.
They shared that bed for four years.
Now, some people will tell you that bed-sharing was just a thing men did in the 1830s because they were poor or because it was cold. That's true, kind of. It wasn't uncommon for travelers to share beds at an inn. But four years? That’s a long time to "save space."
When Speed eventually moved back to Kentucky to get married, Lincoln went into a deep, spiraling depression. He wrote to Speed later, saying, "I am now the most miserable man living." He talked about how their hearts were "too close together."
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Modern researchers like C.A. Tripp, who wrote The Intimate World of Abraham Lincoln, argue this wasn't just a bromance. Tripp spent years digging through archives and concluded that Lincoln had a clear preference for men. He points to the way Lincoln avoided his own wedding to Mary Todd, literally standing her up the first time, possibly because he was terrified of heterosexual intimacy.
Why context changes everything
You can't just apply 2026 logic to 1840. In the mid-19th century, "romantic friendships" between men were a huge thing. Men wrote letters to each other that sound like love poetry today. They called each other "my darling" and "my dearest." It didn't always mean they were having sex.
It's about the "continuum of intimacy."
Historian Doris Kearns Goodwin, who wrote the famous Team of Rivals, tends to lean toward the "intense friendship" side of things. She acknowledges the closeness but suggests that Lincoln was a man who craved deep emotional connection in any form. On the flip side, you have Jean Baker, a biographer of Mary Todd Lincoln, who has noted that the Lincoln marriage was often strained, with Abe spending as much time as possible away from home.
David Derickson and the White House Years
The Speed story isn't the only piece of evidence people bring up. Later in life, specifically during the Civil War, Lincoln became very close with a guy named David Derickson. Derickson was a captain in the Pennsylvania 150th Volunteers, basically Lincoln’s bodyguard.
When Mary Lincoln was away from the White House, Derickson would often stay the night.
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According to various accounts from the time, including those from fellow soldiers, Derickson would sleep in the President's bed wearing Lincoln's nightshirt. This wasn't just some secret rumor; it was common enough knowledge that people wrote about it in their journals. Thomas Chamberlin, an officer in the 150th, even mentioned it in the official regimental history.
Was it a sexual relationship? We don't have a smoking gun. There’s no diary entry where Lincoln says, "I am gay." But the pattern is there. Lincoln consistently sought out intense, physically close relationships with men throughout his entire life.
The Backlash to the "Lincoln Lover of Men" Idea
Not everyone is on board with this. Traditionalists get very protective of Lincoln’s image. They feel like labeling him "gay" or "bisexual" is a way of "queering" history without enough hard proof.
- Bed sharing was a necessity, not a choice.
- 19th-century language was more flowery and sentimental.
- Lincoln had four children with Mary Todd (though some argue that doesn't prove anything about his internal desires).
The problem is that for a long time, historians actively suppressed this stuff. They wanted Lincoln to be this perfect, heteronormative icon of American strength. Anything that hinted at "deviance" was swept under the rug or explained away as a quirk.
Honestly, the most interesting thing isn't whether Lincoln was gay—it's why we care so much. If he was attracted to men, does it change the Gettysburg Address? Does it make the Emancipation Proclamation less important? Of course not. But it does make him more human. It gives us a window into a man who was deeply lonely, profoundly sensitive, and perhaps struggling with an identity he couldn't fully name.
What the experts say now
Recent scholars are moving away from the "was he or wasn't he" binary. Instead, they look at "queer possibilities."
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Harold Holzer, one of the leading Lincoln experts, is skeptical of the sexual angle but admits the emotional intensity between Lincoln and Speed was extraordinary. Meanwhile, the late Larry Kramer, a famous activist and author, was convinced Lincoln was a gay man who was forced to hide his true self.
The truth probably lies somewhere in the middle. Lincoln was a man of deep contradictions. He was a hilarious joke-teller who suffered from "melancholy" (what we now call clinical depression). He was a country lawyer who became a master strategist. Why wouldn't his romantic life be just as complex?
How to explore this yourself
If you're interested in the Lincoln lover of men debate, don't just take a TikToker's word for it. Read the primary sources.
Go look at the letters Lincoln wrote to Joshua Speed. Read the accounts from the 150th Pennsylvania Volunteers. Look at the way Lincoln’s law partner, William Herndon, described him. Herndon basically said Lincoln was "a man of no passions," which some interpret as a guy who just wasn't that into women.
You should also check out:
- The Intimate World of Abraham Lincoln by C.A. Tripp. It's the most aggressive argument for Lincoln being gay.
- Love Is All: The Intimate Life of Abraham Lincoln by Thomas J. Balcerski, which looks at 19th-century male friendships more broadly.
- Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin for a more traditional (but still nuanced) take.
Ultimately, we’ll never know for sure. There are no tape recordings. There are no photos of him in a compromising position. But the evidence of his deep, physical, and emotional bonds with men is a real part of his history. It’s not a "fringe theory"—it’s a legitimate field of study that helps us see the man behind the marble.
To get a better grip on the historical context, start by researching "19th-century romantic friendships." This will help you distinguish between what was normal for the time and what was unique to Lincoln. Once you see how men spoke to each other in the 1800s, Lincoln's letters to Speed become even more interesting—because even by the standards of the day, they were remarkably intense. Focus on the timeline of his depressions; you'll notice they often align with shifts in his personal relationships with men. This gives you a more grounded, evidence-based perspective on a topic that is often overshadowed by modern politics.