Joe Odom wasn't just a name in the background of a reality show. For anyone who followed the meteoric rise and the harrowing public collapse of NBA star Lamar Odom, Joe was a ghost that haunted the narrative. People saw him on Khloé & Lamar, looking like a guy trying to make amends, but the reality was a lot messier than a 22-minute TV edit.
If you want to understand why Lamar struggled with his own demons, you’ve gotta look at the man who provided the blueprint.
Lamar Odom's father, Joe Odom, passed away on April 20, 2021. It was a moment that didn't dominate the news cycles the way a Kardashian breakup might, but for Lamar, it was the final chapter of a relationship defined by heroin, absence, and a desperate, unrequited need for a dad’s approval.
The Heroin, the War, and the Queens Streets
Joe Odom was a Vietnam veteran. That’s a detail a lot of people skip over. He returned from the war with deep-seated trauma that, in the late 70s and 80s, mostly went untreated. In South Jamaica, Queens, Joe found a different kind of escape: heroin.
Lamar was just a kid when his mother, Cathy Mercer, died of colon cancer. He was 12. Imagine that. You lose your mom—your rock—and the only person left is a father who is more interested in his next fix than his son’s basketball practice. Joe wasn't just "not around"; he was an active ghost. Lamar was basically raised by his grandmother, Mildred Mercer, while Joe drifted in and out of the picture like a shadow.
Honestly, Lamar has been pretty blunt about it in his memoir, Darkness to Light. He didn't just inherit Joe’s height; he felt like he inherited his "demons." When Joe had heroin in his pocket, he felt like a king. When he didn't, he was nothing. That's a heavy cycle for a child to witness.
That Time Lamar Finally Snapped on Twitter
We all remember 2013. Lamar was spiraling, the rumors of his own substance abuse were everywhere, and Joe Odom decided to do an interview with Heat magazine.
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Joe went off. He blamed the Kardashians for Lamar’s downfall. He called them "controlling" and said Lamar would be better off without them. It was a classic case of a father who hadn't been there for the "work" trying to take a stand during the "mess."
Lamar’s response? It was legendary. And sad.
He hopped on Twitter—which he rarely did back then—and absolutely torched his father. He called Joe "absent" and pointed out that Joe hadn't even called to check on him. He credited the Kardashians for being the only family that actually loved him without expecting anything back. It was a rare moment where the "nice guy" of the NBA let the world see the raw, unhealed wound his father had left behind.
The Brothel Incident and the Hospital Room Drama
When Lamar Odom was found unconscious at the Love Ranch brothel in 2015, Joe Odom showed up at the hospital.
But it wasn't a happy reunion. There were reports that Joe was blocked from the room. Joe blamed Khloé, claiming she was the gatekeeper. However, sources close to the situation later suggested it was actually Lamar who didn't want him there.
When you’re fighting for your life, the last thing you need is the person who taught you how to fail standing over your bed.
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What Joe Actually Contributed (The G.I. Bill)
It wasn't all bad, though. It’s important to be fair. When Lamar was trying to get his life together at the University of Rhode Island, it was actually Joe’s G.I. Bill money that helped cover the costs of his room and board.
It’s one of those weird, complicated layers of their relationship. Joe wasn't a "good" father in the traditional sense, but in that one instance, his service in the military provided a literal roof over Lamar’s head while he was prepping for the NBA.
Making Amends Before the End
By the time 2021 rolled around, the fire had mostly burned out. Lamar had survived his overdose. He had written his book. He had done the therapy.
When Joe passed away, Lamar’s tribute was surprisingly soft. He didn't post a rant or a list of grievances. He posted a painting of the two of them. He talked about how "nothing is promised but death" and encouraged his fans to make amends with their family while they still can.
"My pops and I had our differences but at the end of the day I knew he loved me and I loved him and that’s really all that matters." — Lamar Odom, 2021.
It felt like a man who was finally tired of carrying the weight of his father’s mistakes. He chose to remember the love, even if that love was flawed and filtered through addiction.
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Why Joe Odom’s Story Still Matters
If you're looking for a takeaway from the saga of Lamar Odom and his father, it’s about breaking the cycle. Joe was a victim of his environment and his trauma, and for a long time, it looked like Lamar was going to follow that exact same path.
Lamar’s journey toward sobriety and mental health awareness is, in many ways, a direct response to Joe. He saw what happens when you don't face the music. He saw the "zombie" state his father lived in.
If you’re dealing with a complicated parental relationship, here’s how to handle the "Joe Odoms" in your own life:
- Set Hard Boundaries. You can love someone from a distance if their presence is toxic to your recovery or peace.
- Separate the Human from the Addiction. Lamar eventually realized Joe’s addiction wasn't about Lamar; it was about Joe’s own unresolved trauma.
- Don't Wait for the "Perfect" Apology. It usually doesn't come. You have to find closure on your own terms.
- Prioritize Your Chosen Family. As Lamar pointed out in his 2013 rant, sometimes the people who share your blood aren't the ones who share your heart.
Lamar Odom’s father was a man of missed opportunities and deep scars. By acknowledging those scars instead of hiding them, Lamar finally found a way to live a life that Joe never could.
To learn more about Lamar's journey toward healing, read his 2019 memoir Darkness to Light, which provides a much deeper, first-hand account of the Queens streets that shaped both him and his father.