He stood there, perfectly coiffed, looking exactly like the "alpha male" Hollywood scripts demand. Then, Justin Baldoni told a room full of people that he was done. Done with the performance. Done with the armor.
The Justin Baldoni TED Talk, officially titled "Why I’m Done Trying to Be 'Man Enough,'" didn't just go viral because a famous guy from Jane the Virgin was talking about his feelings. It struck a nerve because it exposed the "script" most men have been reading from since they were toddlers. You know the one: big boys don't cry, vulnerability is for girls, and if you aren't winning, you're losing.
Honestly, it’s a lot to carry.
📖 Related: How Tall is Catherine Bell? The Truth About the JAG Star’s Height
The Script We Never Asked For
Baldoni starts by acknowledging the obvious. He’s been paid to play the "tough guy." He's the guy who stays on script, says the lines, and embodies the stoic protector. But in the talk, he admits there’s a massive gap between that character and the human being living inside his chest.
He shares a story about his dad. Growing up in a small town in Oregon, he actually resented his father for being "soft." His dad was the one crying, the one who was sensitive and nurturing. To a young boy trying to survive the social hierarchy of school, that sensitivity felt like a liability. It made him a target for bullies.
So, like most of us do, he built a suit of armor. He learned how to "man up."
Why "Man Enough" is a Trap
The talk digs into the idea that masculinity is often defined by what it isn't. It isn't feminine. It isn't weak. It isn't emotional. But if you strip away all those things, what’s left? Usually just a lot of silence and a fair amount of secret suffering.
Baldoni makes a killer point about how men interact. We’ll talk for hours about:
- Fantasy football stats
- Political debates
- Career moves
- The latest tech
But the second things get real—the second someone mentions a fear of failure or a struggle with body dysmorphia—the room goes quiet. Baldoni admitted he deals with body dysmorphia himself. That's a huge admission for someone whose career is built on his appearance. He noticed that when he posts about his kids or his marriage being "beautifully challenging," it’s mostly women who engage.
The men? They usually stay on the sidelines. Or worse, they slide into the comments to call him "gay" or "soft."
The "Privately Thankful" Phenomenon
There is a fascinating part of his journey that happened after the talk. He mentioned in later interviews—like on Katie Couric’s podcast—that while he got publicly roasted by some men, his DMs were a different story.
Men were privately messaging him to say "thank you."
They were grateful that someone finally said it out loud: trying to be "man enough" for everyone all the time is exhausting. It’s a lonely way to live. This "private" support highlights exactly what the Justin Baldoni TED Talk was trying to solve. Men feel the need to perform strength in public while drowning in silence behind the scenes.
Redefining Strength (Without Being "Woke" for Wokeness Sake)
Baldoni is pretty clear that he isn't saying masculinity is bad. He’s not telling men to stop being men. He’s asking for balance.
He challenges guys to use the qualities they already value—bravery, strength, and toughness—to look inward.
- Brave enough to be vulnerable.
- Strong enough to be sensitive.
- Confident enough to listen to women.
It’s a flip on the traditional script. Instead of using strength to dominate, you use it to explore your own heart. He even mentions that he doesn't love the term "toxic masculinity" because it feels like an attack on men themselves. He prefers to look at it as a "broken definition" that needs a serious software update.
Actionable Steps for the "Man Enough" Journey
If you watched the talk and felt that familiar tightness in your chest, you don't have to go out and give a TED Talk of your own. Start smaller.
1. Audit Your Script
Next time you’re with your friends and someone asks "how are you," pay attention to your reflex. If your default is "fine" or "good" even when your world is falling apart, try being 5% more honest. You don't have to give a monologue. Just a "honestly, work's been a nightmare and I'm stressed out" is a massive first step.
2. Find Your Accountability Circle
Baldoni talks about his "guys"—a group of friends he can actually be real with. It took him three days on a retreat with them before he finally felt "strong enough" to admit he was struggling. Build a circle where you don't have to keep the armor on 24/7.
3. Listen Without Fixing
A huge part of the "man script" is the Need to Fix Everything. Sometimes, the most "masculine" thing you can do is just shut up and listen—especially to the women in your life. Don't offer a solution. Just acknowledge the feeling.
4. Practice "Heart Work"
This isn't just about being "nice." It's about emotional intelligence. Read books that challenge your perspective. Baldoni often references thinkers like bell hooks or Naomi Wolf. You don't have to agree with everything to learn something about how the world sees you versus how you see yourself.
The Justin Baldoni TED Talk wasn't a funeral for manhood. It was an invitation to a better version of it. One where you don't have to choose between being a "man" and being a "good human."
Start by letting yourself be seen. Not the version you think people want to see, but the actual person behind the script. It’s terrifying, yeah. But as Baldoni argues, that’s exactly where the real bravery starts.