Ever feel like you need a clone? Not a sci-fi, laboratory version of yourself, but someone who just... handles it all? That's the vibe. In 1971, a woman named Judy Brady sat down and basically wrote the original viral post before the internet existed. She called it "I Want a Wife," and honestly, it’s kind of terrifying how much of it still hits home today.
Brady wasn't actually looking for a spouse. She was a wife. She was a mother. She was exhausted. What she did was take a massive, satirical sledgehammer to the mid-century idea of "domestic bliss." By listing out every single thing a "good wife" was expected to do—from cleaning up after children to being a "sensitive" sexual partner who never has a headache—she exposed the absolute absurdity of the deal women were getting.
The Essay That Set the Second Wave on Fire
Let’s talk context. It’s the early 70s. The "feminine mystique" that Betty Friedan wrote about a decade earlier is still lingering like a bad smell. Judy Brady (then Judy Syfers) is at a feminist consciousness-raising session. She’s complaining—as one does when they're doing 90% of the heavy lifting at home—and someone says, "Why don't you just write about it?"
So she did. She wrote it in a few hours.
She first read it out loud at a rally in San Francisco on August 26, 1970, celebrating the 50th anniversary of women's suffrage. Imagine standing in Union Square, surrounded by a crowd, with hecklers probably yelling at you, and reading a list of demands for a servant you’ve labeled a "wife." It was gutsy.
Then it hit the big leagues. It was published in the preview issue of Ms. Magazine in 1971 (often cited as 1972 because of the magazine's official launch). The reaction? Nuclear.
Why the "I Want" Repetition Works
If you read the essay, you'll notice she starts almost every paragraph with the words "I want a wife who..." It’s hypnotic. It’s also incredibly annoying, which is exactly the point. It feels like a toddler making a Christmas list, but the items on the list are human beings and their labor.
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- Financial support: She wants a wife who will work so she can go back to school.
- Childcare: A wife who picks up after the kids, takes them to the dentist, and doesn't complain about it.
- Social Secretary: Someone to handle the "babysitting arrangements" and make sure the "personal things" are where they belong.
- Ego Stroking: A wife who listens to her complaints but doesn't bother her with "rambling complaints" of her own.
It’s a brutal list. Brady basically says: I want someone to be my servant, my nurse, my accountant, and my mistress, all while keeping a smile on their face and asking for nothing in return.
The Satire That Isn't Actually Satire Anymore
Here is the thing about Judy Brady I Want a Wife that makes people uncomfortable: it’s barely an exaggeration.
At the time, men were often the only ones with the "right" to have a wife. It was a status symbol. It was a labor-saving device. Brady flipped the script by adopting the male persona. By saying "I want a wife," she wasn't coming out of the closet or making a statement about sexuality (though modern readers often interpret it that way). She was making a statement about privilege.
She was saying, "Who wouldn't want a personal assistant they don't have to pay?"
The Replacement Clause
One of the most biting parts of the essay is toward the end. Brady writes about wanting the "liberty" to replace her wife if she finds someone "more suitable." It treats the woman like a used car. If the tires are bald and the engine is making a weird noise—or if she just gets tired of the model—she wants to trade up.
It sounds harsh because it is. Brady was pointing out that while the wife was expected to be 100% loyal and "sensitive to my sexual needs," the husband held all the cards. He could leave. He could replace her. She was a commodity.
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Is It Still Relevant? (The "Second Shift" Problem)
You’d think by 2026 we’d have moved past this. We have robot vacuums and grocery delivery apps. Both partners usually work. But if you look at the data—and honestly, just look at most households—the "mental load" still falls heavily on women.
Sociologist Arlie Hochschild coined the term "The Second Shift" in the late 80s to describe the work women do after they get home from their actual jobs. It’s basically exactly what Judy Brady was complaining about in 1971.
- The Hidden Labor: Someone has to remember that it's "Crazy Sock Day" at school.
- Emotional Regulation: Someone has to manage the moods of the household.
- Physical Maintenance: Someone has to notice the milk is expired.
When people search for Judy Brady I Want a Wife today, they aren't just looking for a history lesson. They're looking for a way to articulate why they feel so burnt out. They’re looking for a language to explain that "helping out" with the dishes isn't the same as taking responsibility for the kitchen.
The New "Wives"
In a weird twist, we’ve tried to outsource the "wife" role to technology. We ask Alexa to set reminders. We hire TaskRabbits. But the core of Brady’s argument remains: there is a specific type of labor—unpaid, unrecognized, and deeply personal—that society still expects someone to do for free.
Why Most People Get the Meaning Wrong
I've seen people argue that Brady was being "anti-men" or "anti-marriage." That's a bit of a surface-level take. Honestly, Brady was a radical activist. Later in her life, she focused on breast cancer activism and environmental justice. She wasn't just mad at her husband; she was mad at the system.
She saw marriage as an institution that functioned like a business where one person got all the dividends and the other did all the work. Her goal wasn't to destroy marriage, but to demand a version of it where "wife" wasn't a job description for a servant.
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Key Takeaways from the Essay
- Identity Erasure: Notice how the "wife" in the essay has no name, no hobbies, and no desires? She is defined entirely by what she provides for the "I."
- The Power of Irony: By using a "male" voice, Brady forces the reader to see how selfish these demands sound when spoken out loud.
- Economic Inequality: A major point of the essay is that the wife’s labor allows the husband to advance his career and education. She is the "silent partner" in his success.
How to Apply Brady’s Logic Today
If you’re feeling the weight of the "I Want a Wife" syndrome in your own life, you don't necessarily need to write a satirical manifesto (though it helps). Here are some actionable ways to use this lens to fix the balance:
1. Audit the "Invisible" Tasks
Sit down and list everything that happens in your house that "just gets done." Who realizes the toilet paper is low? Who tracks the birthday gifts? If the list is 90% you, that's your starting point.
2. Kill the "Help" Language
Stop saying your partner is "helping" you. Helping implies it’s your job and they’re doing you a favor. Shift the language to "shared responsibility." You don't "help" with your own life.
3. Identify the "I Want" Demands
Are there things you expect from a partner simply because of their gender? Be honest. It goes both ways. If you're expecting someone to be your emotional sponge while you give nothing back, you're leaning into the Brady dynamic.
4. Read the Essay Aloud
Seriously. If you’re in a relationship and things feel lopsided, read Judy Brady I Want a Wife together. It’s short. It’s funny. It’s uncomfortable. It’s a great conversation starter that bypasses the "you never do the laundry" argument and goes straight to the heart of how you value each other's time.
The reason we’re still talking about this piece over 50 years later isn't because it's a literary masterpiece—though it's very well-written. It's because the "My God, who wouldn't want a wife?" punchline still lands with the same thud it did in 1971. We all want a wife. But maybe it’s time we all started being partners instead.