Sexuality is changing. Fast. We used to think of solo play as something you only did behind locked doors when no one was home, but honestly, that’s just not the reality for a lot of people anymore. There's a growing movement of folks who want to jerk off with people in a way that’s communal, safe, and surprisingly non-sexual in the traditional "hookup" sense. It’s about presence. It’s about being seen.
It sounds wild to some, sure. But if you look at the rise of "masturbation circles" or "circle jerks" in queer spaces and now increasingly in heteroflexible or sex-positive communities, you’ll see it’s less about a wild orgy and more about shared vulnerability. You’re there. They’re there. Everybody is doing their own thing, together.
What it Really Means to Jerk Off With People
Most people hear the phrase and immediately think of a porn set or a dark basement. That's a mistake. In the modern context, communal solo play—or "mutual masturbation" in a group setting—is often a structured event. People meet up in "sex-positive" spaces like The Box in New York or through organized communities like San Francisco’s Citadel. These aren't just random free-for-alls. They have rules. They have "house moms" or monitors. They have vibe checks.
Why do it? Honestly, because modern dating sucks. People are tired of the pressure to perform, the pressure to "get their partner off," or the awkwardness of a first-time sexual encounter with a stranger. When you jerk off with people, that pressure evaporates. You are responsible for your own orgasm. You are the pilot. Everyone else is just the co-pilot or the audience, providing a shared energetic hum that you just can’t get alone in your bedroom.
The Psychology of Group Solo Play
Psychologists often talk about "social facilitation." It’s the idea that we perform tasks differently—often with more intensity or focus—when others are watching. You see it at the gym. You see it in libraries. Why wouldn’t it apply to pleasure?
Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute, has noted in his work that "group sex" fantasies are among the most common across all demographics. But for many, the "action" part of group sex is intimidating. The risk of STIs, the physical logistics of three or four bodies, the "who goes where" of it all—it’s a lot. Group masturbation solves that. It allows you to fulfill the "group" fantasy while maintaining physical boundaries. It’s "sex-adjacent."
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The Etiquette Nobody Tells You About
You can't just walk into a room and start going to town. There is a very specific, often unspoken (or very explicitly spoken) code of conduct. If you’re planning to jerk off with people, you need to understand the "look but don't touch" rule.
In most organized circles, touching someone else without an explicit, verbal "Yes" is the fastest way to get kicked out. It’s about the gaze. It’s about the sound of others breathing. It’s about the collective "mood."
- Eye contact: Some people love it; it’s an invitation to connect. Others find it terrifying. Always start with a quick glance to check the vibe.
- Cleanup: It’s not glamorous, but it’s the most important part. Always have your own towel or "play cloth." No one wants to clean up after you.
- The "No" is Absolute: If someone moves away or turns their back, they aren't playing hard to get. They’re setting a boundary. Respect it instantly.
Why Social Media and Loneliness Are Driving This
We are lonelier than ever. We spend all day looking at screens, consuming "solo" content. It’s isolating. People are craving a physical connection that doesn't necessarily require the emotional labor of a relationship.
When you jerk off with people, you’re breaking the digital wall. You’re acknowledging that you are a sexual being in a room full of other sexual beings. It’s a form of radical honesty. There’s no airbrushing. There’s no "edit" button. It’s just skin, sweat, and genuine reaction.
Interestingly, this isn't just a "man thing." While "circle jerks" have long been a staple of certain subcultures in the gay community, women-only masturbation workshops, like those pioneered by the late Betty Dodson, have been around for decades. Dodson’s "Bodysex" workshops were revolutionary because they taught women to claim their own pleasure in a group setting, effectively de-shaming the act of solo play by making it a collective experience of empowerment.
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Overcoming the "Creep" Factor
Let’s be real: there’s a stigma. If you tell your coworkers you’re going to a group jerk-off session on Friday night, HR might have some questions. The "creep factor" usually stems from a lack of consent or a lack of boundaries.
However, when these events are done right—with vetting, clear rules, and a focus on "intentionality"—the creep factor disappears. It becomes more like a yoga class than a seedy backroom. People are there for a reason. They’re there to explore their bodies without the "gamified" feel of Tinder or the performance of a one-night stand.
How to Find Your Community
If you're curious about how to jerk off with people safely, you shouldn't just look on Craigslist. That’s a recipe for disaster.
Instead, look for "Sex-Positive" or "Kink" communities in your city. Websites like FetLife (essentially the Facebook of the alternative lifestyle world) have groups dedicated to "Mutual Masturbation" or "Solo-Together" play. Look for events labeled as "Munch" (a casual social meetup) first. Go there. Meet the organizers. See if they seem like people you’d actually want to be around while you're vulnerable.
Practical Steps for Your First Time
Don't just jump in the deep end. Start small.
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- Vibe Check the Venue: Is it a clean, reputable space? Do they have a "Consent Lead" or a "Safety Monitor"? If not, leave.
- Bring Your Own Gear: This includes towels, lubrication, and any toys you might want to use. Don't assume the venue provides high-quality stuff.
- Stay Hydrated: Sounds silly, but group energy can be taxing.
- Manage Your Expectations: You might not have the best orgasm of your life. You might feel awkward. You might just want to sit and watch (if the rules allow). All of that is okay.
The Future of Group Pleasure
As we head further into 2026, the lines between "private" and "public" continue to blur. We share our meals, our workouts, and our mental health struggles online. The "final frontier" is the de-stigmatization of solo pleasure.
The reality is that to jerk off with people is a way to reclaim the body from the clinical, often porn-distorted view of sex. It puts the human back in the room. It’s messy, it’s loud, it’s awkward, and it’s profoundly human.
Whether it's a small gathering of friends who trust each other implicitly or a large, organized event in a warehouse, the goal is the same: to feel less alone in our most private moments. It turns out that the best way to get over the shame of solo play is simply to stop doing it solo.
Actionable Insights for the Curious
If this sounds like something you want to explore, don't rush. Start by researching the concept of "Sex Positivity" and reading up on the "FRIES" model of consent (Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, Specific). Once you have a handle on the ethics, look for local workshops rather than "parties." Workshops often provide a more guided, less intimidating entry point into the world of shared solo pleasure. Always check the reviews of any venue and, if possible, talk to a regular attendee before you commit to going.