Ever looked at your bank statement and just sighed? I’ve been there. We all have. But there’s a specific kind of financial weight that comes when your lifestyle isn't just a choice—it’s basically your job. When people say it's expensive to be me, they aren't always bragging about Gucci loafers or private jets. Often, they’re talking about the invisible tax of maintaining a specific "standard" that the world expects from them.
It’s a weird trap. You work hard to reach a certain level, and suddenly, the cost of staying there starts eating your soul (and your savings).
I’m talking about the "Identity Tax." Whether you’re a mid-level influencer, a corporate executive who has to look the part, or just someone caught in a high-cost social circle, the math rarely adds up the way you think it will.
The Identity Tax is Real
Let’s get into the weeds. Most people think "expensive" means buying a Ferrari. Sure, that’s part of it for the 1%. But for the rest of us, it’s the death by a thousand cuts. It’s the $200 hair appointments because you can’t show up to client meetings looking "unkempt." It’s the $15 salads that taste like cardboard but keep you in the "right" circles. It’s the constant pressure to upgrade.
Sociologist Pierre Bourdieu talked about "social capital" decades ago. He was right. Your appearance and your lifestyle act as a signal to others. If you stop signaling, you often lose access.
Think about the freelance consultant. They might say it's expensive to be me because they have to lease a luxury car just to be taken seriously by tech founders. Is it a waste of money? Statistically, maybe. But in the world of perception, it’s an overhead cost. According to data from various labor market studies, "grooming" and "aesthetic labor" can actually correlate with higher earnings, particularly in client-facing roles. It’s a vicious cycle: you spend more to make more, then realize you’re barely breaking even because the cost of entry is so high.
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Why Being "Low Maintenance" is a Luxury
There’s a massive irony here. The truly wealthy often move toward "quiet luxury" or even aggressive plainness. Mark Zuckerberg’s gray t-shirts aren't cheap—they’re Brunello Cucinelli—but they signal that he’s above the need to prove his worth.
Most people don't have that luxury.
When you’re climbing, you have to look like you’ve already arrived. This is where the phrase it's expensive to be me turns from a joke into a genuine financial burden. I remember talking to a friend who worked in high-end real estate in Los Angeles. She was making $200,000 a year but lived in a studio apartment and drove a leased Porsche because her clients expected her to look successful. She was essentially broke. Her "cost of being" was higher than her take-home pay.
The Mental Health Toll of the "Expensive" Self
It’s not just about the dollars. It’s the brain power. Keeping up appearances is exhausting. You’re constantly auditing your life through the lens of other people's expectations.
Psychologists often refer to this as "self-monitoring." High self-monitors are great at social chameleonism, but they suffer from higher rates of burnout. If you feel like it's expensive to be me mentally, you’re likely hitting a wall where your authentic self is being buried under the layers of the persona you’ve bought and paid for.
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- The cost of skincare routines.
- The price of "networking" dinners.
- Subscription fatigue for tools you barely use but "need" to stay relevant.
- The premium on time (paying for convenience because you're too busy maintaining the life).
Honestly, the "convenience tax" is the biggest silent killer. When your life is "expensive," you start paying other people to do everything—laundry, meal prep, cleaning—just so you have the time to work more to pay for those very services.
Breaking the Cycle Without Losing Your Status
You don't have to go full minimalist and live in a yurt to fix this. But you do need to audit where your money is actually buying you "value" versus just "signals."
- The 80/20 Rule for Aesthetics. Look at your "expensive" habits. Which 20% actually get you 80% of the results? Maybe the expensive watch matters for your job, but the $100 candles in your house don't. Cut the stuff nobody sees.
- Define Your Own "Standard." Sometimes we say it's expensive to be me because we’ve adopted someone else’s definition of success. If you actually hate fine dining, stop doing it. Take your clients to a hole-in-the-wall taco spot and own it as "your thing." Authenticity is actually becoming a cheaper way to be "cool."
- Invest in Skills, Not Props. Props (cars, clothes, bags) depreciate. Skills (negotiation, coding, public speaking) appreciate. If you're spending $5k a year on clothes but $0 on learning, your "expensive" life is a house of cards.
The "Maintenance" Myth
We often tell ourselves that these costs are "investments." I’ve said it. You’ve probably said it. "I need this skincare because my face is my brand." "I need this club membership for networking."
Be honest. Is it an investment if there’s no ROI?
Real investments have a measurable return. If that $500/month social club hasn't landed you a lead in two years, it’s not an investment. It’s a hobby. A really expensive one.
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The phrase it's expensive to be me should be a warning, not a mantra. When we embrace the "expensive" tag, we often stop looking for ways to be efficient. We become proud of our high overhead. But in business—and in life—high overhead is a liability.
Actionable Steps to Lower Your "Cost of Being"
If you’re feeling the pinch of your own lifestyle, it’s time to move toward "Internal Wealth" rather than "External Signaling." This doesn't mean becoming a hermit. It means being tactical.
- Audit your "Performative Expenses": Go through your last three months of bank statements. Highlight everything you bought because you felt you "had to" for your image.
- The "Price-Per-Joy" Metric: If something is expensive but brings you genuine, deep-seated joy (not just a 5-minute ego boost), keep it. If it’s just to keep up with the Joneses, it’s gotta go.
- Automate Your Savings First: Don't save what's left after being "expensive." Pay yourself first, then see if you can still afford the high-maintenance lifestyle with what’s left.
- Negotiate Your "High Maintenance" Costs: You’d be surprised how many "fixed" costs aren't fixed. Gym memberships, insurance, even some professional services can be negotiated if you've been a loyal client.
Living a life that feels "expensive" can be fun for a while. It feels like you’ve made it. But true freedom is the ability to walk away from the performance. When you realize that you are valuable regardless of the brand names you’re carrying, the "cost" of being you drops significantly. And ironically, that’s when you actually start getting rich.
Focus on building a life that feels good on the inside, rather than one that just looks expensive on the outside. Start by cutting one performative expense this week. Just one. See if anyone notices. Usually, they don't. And that's the most liberating realization of all.