You hear it at bars after someone gets fired. You hear it during messy divorces or when a long-time brand suddenly triples its prices. People lean in, voice dropping an octave, and say it like they’ve uncovered a dark secret: "There is no such thing as loyalty anymore."
It’s a cynical take. Honestly, it’s also a bit of a lazy one.
We live in a world that moves at 100 miles per hour, where your "ride or die" friend might ghost you because they found a new hobby, or your employer of ten years cuts your department via a Zoom webinar. It feels like the floor is constantly shifting. But before we write off the entire concept of human devotion as a relic of the 1950s, we need to look at what actually changed. It’s not that loyalty died. It’s that the "blind" version of it became a liability.
The Evolutionary Glitch in Our Brains
Biologically, we are wired for tribes. Robin Dunbar, an evolutionary psychologist at Oxford, famously suggested that humans can only maintain about 150 stable social relationships. Back when we were hunter-gatherers, if you weren't loyal to the tribe, you were essentially tiger food. Loyalty wasn't a moral choice; it was a survival strategy.
Today? We don't need the tribe to hunt mammoths. We need a paycheck, a Wi-Fi connection, and maybe a therapist.
Because we no longer rely on a singular group for physical survival, our brains have started to recalculate the "cost" of staying. If you’ve ever felt like there is no such thing as loyalty in your professional life, you're observing a shift from ascriptive loyalty (being loyal because you're supposed to be) to transactional loyalty (staying because it still makes sense).
It’s cold. It’s calculated. But it’s the modern reality.
The Workplace Myth and the Rise of "Mercenary" Culture
Remember the "Gold Watch" era? You’d start at a company at 22 and leave at 65 with a pension. That wasn't necessarily because people were "better" back then. It was an economic pact. The company offered security; the employee offered their life.
When companies began prioritizing quarterly earnings over long-term retention in the 70s and 80s, the pact shattered. Reid Hoffman, the co-founder of LinkedIn, wrote about this in The Alliance. He basically argues that the old employer-employee relationship is broken and we need to treat jobs as "tours of duty."
If you’re a Gen Z worker seeing your parents get laid off after twenty years of service, you’re going to conclude there’s no such thing as loyalty. And you’d be right—at least in the corporate sense. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the median tenure for workers aged 25 to 34 is now about 2.8 years.
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Why the "Family" Metaphor at Work is Toxic
Whenever a CEO says "We’re a family here," run. Families don’t fire you because of a "strategic pivot" or a dip in SaaS subscriptions. Using the language of loyalty to justify unpaid overtime or stagnant wages is a form of emotional manipulation.
In a 2023 study published in the Journal of Theoretical Social Psychology, researchers found that managers were more likely to exploit "loyal" employees, giving them more unpaid work and menial tasks precisely because they knew those employees wouldn't leave. It’s the "Loyalty Tax." If you stay, you pay.
Does Loyalty Still Exist in Friendships?
Friendship used to be dictated by geography. You were loyal to the people who lived on your street because they were the only people you saw. Now, your "best friend" might be a person in a Discord server three time zones away whom you’ve never actually met in person.
Social media has created an "abundance mindset" in relationships. Why work through a difficult conflict with a friend when you have 500 other people in your feed? This "disposable" feeling is why many people vent that there is no such thing as loyalty in modern social circles.
But there is a nuance here.
True loyalty is often confused with proximity. Just because you’ve known someone for ten years doesn't mean they are loyal; it just means they've been around. Real loyalty shows up during what psychologists call "costly signaling." It’s the friend who drives four hours to sit with you in a hospital waiting room when they have a big presentation the next morning. It’s rare because it’s expensive—emotionally and physically.
Brand Loyalty is a Ghost
Marketing experts are losing their minds over "Brand Switching." A generation ago, you were a "Ford Family" or a "Crest Household." You didn't even look at the other options.
Today, Google and Amazon have killed that. With a five-second search, a consumer can find a cheaper, better-rated version of almost anything. A study by McKinsey showed that during the pandemic, 75% of consumers tried a new shopping behavior, and most of them intended to stick with it.
Brands keep trying to buy our loyalty with "points" and "rewards." But that isn't loyalty. That’s a bribe.
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If a coffee shop gives me a free latte for every ten I buy, I’m not loyal to the shop; I’m loyal to the free latte. If the shop next door offers me a free latte for every five I buy, I’m gone. That’s the definition of why people think there is no such thing as loyalty—we’ve replaced devotion with rewards programs.
The Psychological Burden of Being "Too Loyal"
There is a dark side to staying too long. Psychologists call it sunk cost fallacy. You stay in a bad relationship or a dead-end job because you’ve already "invested" so much time. You feel like leaving is a betrayal of your past self.
But here’s the hard truth: Loyalty to others should never require the betrayal of yourself.
When people realize they’ve been loyal to a person or an institution that didn't value them, they often swing to the other extreme. they become cynical. They start preaching that there is no such thing as loyalty.
What they’re actually experiencing is a refalibration. They are learning that loyalty must be earned and maintained, not just given away for free. It’s a survival mechanism to stop being a "doormat."
The "Loyalty Spectrum"
It’s helpful to think of loyalty not as a "yes/no" binary, but as a spectrum:
- Blind Loyalty: Staying regardless of how you are treated. This is usually where the pain comes from.
- Rational Loyalty: Staying because the relationship is mutually beneficial and based on shared values.
- Strategic Loyalty: Staying as long as it serves a specific goal (like a job you need for your resume).
Most people who are unhappy are stuck in the "Blind" category while the world around them has moved to "Strategic."
How to Navigate a World Without "Default" Loyalty
So, if the old version of loyalty is gone, how do we live? Do we just become cold-hearted mercenaries? Not necessarily. We just have to change how we measure value.
You have to be your own advocate. Honestly, no one else is going to do it for you.
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If you feel like there is no such thing as loyalty in your life, start by looking at your "contracts." Most of our social and professional contracts are unspoken. We expect people to act a certain way, and when they don't, we feel betrayed.
Actionable Steps for the Modern World
Audit your circles. Look at your top five relationships. If you stopped being the one to reach out, would they still be there? Loyalty is a two-way street. If you're the only one paving it, you're not in a relationship; you're in a hobby.
Build "Career Capital," not just "Tenure." Don't stay at a job just because you’ve been there for years. Stay because you are learning, growing, and being compensated fairly. The moment the growth stops, the "loyalty" should be questioned. Being "un-layoff-able" is a better strategy than being "loyal."
Practice Radical Transparency. In friendships, tell people what you expect. "Hey, I value loyalty, and to me, that means being honest even when it’s uncomfortable." Most "betrayals" are actually just miscommunications about what loyalty looks like.
Forgive the Pivot. When a friend or colleague leaves, don't take it as a personal attack. People are trying to survive their own lives. Their "lack of loyalty" is often just them being loyal to their own mental health or family needs.
The Verdict
Is there no such thing as loyalty? In the traditional, "til death do us part" sense for every job and social group? No. That’s gone.
But there is a new kind of loyalty emerging. It’s a conscious, daily choice. It’s the loyalty of people who could leave—because they have options and talent—but choose to stay because they believe in the mission or the person.
That version of loyalty is actually much more powerful. It’s not based on being stuck; it’s based on being seen.
Stop looking for loyalty as a permanent state of being. Treat it as a renewable resource. It has to be earned every single day, by both sides. If the "loyalty" isn't being renewed, it’s okay to let it go. You aren't a traitor for moving on; you're just paying attention to the reality of the 21st century.
Next Steps for You:
- Identify one area where you feel you are being "too loyal" to something that isn't giving back (a brand, a toxic friend, or an unappreciative boss).
- Define your "Minimum Viable Loyalty." What do you need from a relationship or job to justify staying? If they don't hit that mark for three months, it’s time to plan an exit.
- Invest in yourself. The only entity that will be with you from birth to death is you. Make sure your primary loyalty is to your own growth and integrity.