You’re sitting on your couch on a Tuesday night. Maybe you’re eating cereal for dinner because nobody is there to judge you. Or maybe you’re staring at your phone, wondering why dating apps feel like a second, unpaid job that actually costs you money. It’s the age-old question that everyone from your nosy aunt to the latest TikTok lifestyle influencer has an opinion on: is it better to be single, or are we all just destined to find that "missing piece"?
Honestly, the cultural pendulum has swung pretty hard lately. A few decades ago, being single was treated like a temporary waiting room for real life. Now, it’s often marketed as the ultimate form of self-actualization. But if we strip away the "boss babe" memes and the overly romanticized diamond commercials, the reality is way more nuanced. It isn't just about whether you have someone to split the rent with. It's about your nervous system, your bank account, and how much sleep you’re actually getting.
The data is weirdly contradictory. On one hand, you have studies suggesting married people live longer. On the other, research from Bella DePaulo, a social psychologist at the University of California, Santa Barbara, suggests that "single at heart" people often have more robust social networks and more meaningful work lives than their coupled-up counterparts.
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The Science of Solo Living
Let’s talk about the health stuff first. People love to cite that 70-year-old Harvard study that says relationships are the key to happiness. They aren’t wrong. But they often forget to mention that a bad relationship is physically more taxing than being alone.
Chronically unhappy marriages have been linked to higher levels of inflammation and slower wound healing. Basically, if you're in a relationship that feels like a slow-motion car crash, your body is paying the price in cortisol. When you're asking is it better to be single, you have to factor in the "peace tax." Single people often have more control over their sleep hygiene and exercise routines. Without a partner’s snoring or their midnight snack habits to contend with, solo dwellers frequently report better quality rest.
Money, Freedom, and the "Single Tax"
There is a massive financial elephant in the room. We have to be real about the "single tax." From taxes and insurance to the fact that a one-bedroom apartment costs almost as much as a two-bedroom, the world is built for pairs.
However, being single gives you total "financial agency." You want to spend $400 on a vintage LEGO set? Go for it. You want to live on ramen for a month to save for a trip to Japan? No one is going to argue with you about the nutritional value of dried noodles. Research by the Bureau of Labor Statistics has shown that single people actually spend their money differently, often investing more in experiences and social connections rather than domestic accumulation.
It's a trade-off. You lose the economies of scale, but you gain the freedom to pivot your entire life without a three-hour negotiation over breakfast.
The Social Muscle
One of the biggest myths is that single people are lonely. While loneliness is a real epidemic, being "alone" and being "lonely" are two very different animals.
In fact, sociologists Natalia Sarkisian and Naomi Gerstel found that single people are actually more likely to stay in touch with, provide help to, and receive help from parents, siblings, and friends. When you're in a couple, it's easy to fall into a "greedy" relationship. You become a self-contained unit. You stop reaching out. You stop showing up for the community because your emotional needs are met at home.
Single people are often the glue of their neighborhoods. They are the ones organizing the block parties or checking in on the friend who just went through a breakup. They have a "diverse emotional portfolio." If a partner is your only source of support and that relationship fails, your whole world collapses. If you're single and one friendship fades, you still have five other pillars holding up the roof.
The Myth of "Settling Down"
We need to address the "biological clock" and the societal pressure to "settle." The phrase "settle down" is kind of terrifying if you think about it. Why would you want to settle?
The truth is that for many, being single is a deliberate choice, not a failure of personality. In his book Going Solo, Eric Klinenberg points out that the rise of living alone is one of the most significant social shifts of the last sixty years. It’s not a trend; it’s a structural change in how we view the individual.
When Being Single Beats a Partnership
So, is it better to be single?
It's better when the alternative is losing your sense of self. It’s better when you have big, sprawling dreams that require 100% of your focus. It’s better when you’re still figuring out who you are without someone else’s preferences bleeding into yours.
Think about the "subtle influences." You start dating someone who hates spicy food, and suddenly you haven't had Thai food in three years. You date a "homebody," and your hiking boots start gathering dust. Being single is the only time you get to meet yourself without any filters or compromises.
The Loneliness Factor
We can't pretend it's all sunsets and solo travel. There are Sundays where the silence in the house feels a little too heavy. There are moments when you want someone to tell you that you didn't overreact at work.
But here is the kicker: the loneliest people aren't the ones living alone. The loneliest people are the ones sitting across the dinner table from someone they no longer have anything to say to. That kind of loneliness is sharp. It’s a reminder of what you’re missing while it’s staring you in the face.
Navigating the Solo Path Effectively
If you’re currently single—whether by choice or by a messy breakup—the key isn't to just "wait" for the next person. That's a waste of a life. Instead, treat this time like a specialized residency in "You University."
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Build a "crisis team" of friends. Make sure you have the person you call for a flat tire, the person you call for a health scare, and the person you call when you just need to laugh until you cry. Don't let your social skills atrophy just because you don't have a "plus one" for every wedding.
Invest in your space. Make your home a sanctuary, not a holding pen. Buy the nice sheets. Hang the art. If you treat your single life like a temporary stopgap, it will feel like one. If you treat it like a valid, permanent way of existing, it becomes a power move.
Actionable Next Steps for the Solo Life
To make the most of your single status and decide if it's truly better for you right now, consider these moves:
- Audit your "Social Portfolio." Identify three people you haven't checked in with lately because you were too busy dating or recoverying from dating. Send them a text today.
- The Solo Date Challenge. Go to a movie or a sit-down restaurant completely alone. No phone, no book. Just you and your thoughts. If it feels uncomfortable, ask yourself why.
- Financial Autonomy Check. Look at your budget. What is one "selfish" thing you can afford because you aren't splitting costs or catering to someone else's lifestyle? Do it.
- Skills Acquisition. Learn a "partner skill." If you're used to someone else handling the taxes or the car maintenance or the cooking, learn how to do it yourself. Total self-reliance is the ultimate confidence booster.
- Reframe the Narrative. Next time someone asks why you're single, don't give an excuse. Just say, "I’m really enjoying my life exactly as it is right now." Watch how they react.
Ultimately, the question isn't whether it's better to be single or coupled. The question is whether you are living a life that feels authentic to you. If you're using a relationship as a crutch, being single is better. If you're using being single as a shield, maybe it's time to dig deeper. But for today? Enjoy the cereal. Enjoy the silence. Enjoy the fact that the remote is exactly where you left it.