You're scrolling through TikTok and you see it. A creator with millions of views jokingly rolls her eyes because her "person" did something slightly affectionate. Then you hop over to X (formerly Twitter) and see the phrase "soft launching" replaced by "hard hiding." There is a weird, palpable shift in the air. People are actually asking: is having a boyfriend embarrassing now? It sounds like a joke, but for a huge chunk of Gen Z and younger Millennials, the answer is a complicated, "kinda, yeah."
Relationships haven't gone extinct. Obviously. But the performance of them has become a bit of a social minefield.
The Rise of the "Cringe" Boyfriend
We used to live in the era of the "Instagram Boyfriend." You remember—the guy who spent forty minutes taking photos of his girlfriend in front of a brick wall until she found the right angle. That was the gold standard back in 2016. Fast forward to today, and that same behavior is often labeled as "cringe." There’s a growing sentiment that centering your entire digital identity around a man feels dated, or worse, desperate.
Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt has written extensively about the impact of social media on our self-perception, and while his work often focuses on mental health, it applies here too. Our "performative" lives are under constant scrutiny. When you post a boyfriend now, you aren't just posting a person; you're posting a choice. And if that choice looks like it's taking up too much of your personality, the "ick" factor kicks in for your audience.
The "ick" is real. It’s that sudden, visceral disgust you feel for someone you were previously attracted to. Now, that feeling has gone meta. People are getting the "ick" from the very concept of being in a relationship.
Why the "Single Girl" Brand is Winning
Look at the biggest influencers right now. The ones who feel the most "authentic" are usually the ones navigating the chaos of being single. It's relatable. It’s funny. Being "the girl with the boyfriend" is a fixed state; it’s stagnant content. Being single is a narrative.
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Emma Chamberlain, arguably the blueprint for modern internet personalities, kept her long-term relationship with Role Model so private it was practically a state secret. When they eventually split, the internet didn't mourn the relationship as much as they celebrated her "return" to solo-focused content. There is a power in being a protagonist. When you have a boyfriend, you’re suddenly a co-star in your own life.
Digital Footprints and the "Hard Hide"
One reason people feel that is having a boyfriend embarrassing now is because of the sheer permanence of the internet. We’ve all seen the "TikTok funeral." A girl posts a montage of her boyfriend of three years set to a Phoebe Bridgers song, they break up two weeks later, and she has to spend hours scrubbing him from her digital existence.
It’s exhausting.
So, the "hard hide" became a trend. You have a boyfriend, but he is never seen. Maybe a stray hand in a dinner photo. Maybe the back of a head. This isn't just about privacy; it's about insurance. It’s a way to maintain an independent brand while having a personal life. If he’s not on the feed, he can’t embarrass you when things go south.
The Political and Social Weight
We can’t talk about this without mentioning the "4B Movement" coming out of South Korea or the rising "de-centering men" discourse on Western social media. For many women, being "boycrazy" is no longer a cute personality trait. It’s seen as a lack of political or personal awareness.
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In a world where domestic labor is still heavily skewed and "weaponized incompetence" is a viral talking point, showing off a boyfriend can feel like showing off a project. "Look at this man I have to teach how to use a washing machine!" isn't the flex people think it is anymore.
Is it Actually Embarrassing or Just "The Ick"?
Let's be honest. Love isn't embarrassing. Love is great. What's "embarrassing" is the loss of autonomy that often comes with traditional heteronormative dating.
The embarrassment stems from the fear of being "that girl." You know her. The one who disappears from the friend group the second she gets a text back. The one whose hobbies magically align with whatever her new guy is into. That loss of self is what the internet is currently recoiling from.
The phrase is having a boyfriend embarrassing now is often a defense mechanism. If we call it embarrassing, we don't have to admit we want it. Or, if we have it, we can pretend we're "above" the sappy, traditional parts of it.
The Statistics of Loneliness
Despite the "boyfriends are cringe" memes, the data shows we are lonelier than ever. The General Social Survey has consistently shown a rise in the number of young adults who are not in committed relationships. While some of this is a choice—prioritizing careers, travel, or "healing"—a lot of it is just a byproduct of a broken dating culture.
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Apps like Tinder and Hinge have gamified connection to the point where a boyfriend feels like a trophy you won after a grueling, miserable war. And displaying a trophy that everyone else knows was a pain to get? That feels a little embarrassing.
How to Have a Relationship Without the Cringe
So, is the solution just to stay single forever? No. That’s a bit dramatic. But the way we "do" relationships is changing. If you're worried that is having a boyfriend embarrassing now, you're likely just reacting to the outdated "smug couple" trope of the 2010s.
You can have a partner without making them your entire personality. It’s actually pretty refreshing.
- Keep the "Soft Launch" Permanent. You don't need to post a 10-slide carousel for your six-month anniversary. Sometimes, keeping your private life private is the ultimate power move.
- Maintain Your Protagonist Energy. Keep your own friends. Keep your weird hobbies that he has no interest in. The "embarrassment" happens when you merge into a single, boring entity.
- Audit the "Ick." If you're genuinely embarrassed by your boyfriend, that’s not a trend. That’s a red flag. There is a difference between "I find public displays of affection cringey" and "I find this specific person's existence humiliating."
- Laugh at the Discourse. The internet moves in cycles. In three years, "TradWife" aesthetics might be out and "extreme independence" might be in, or vice versa. Don't base your real-life romantic choices on a TikTok trend.
The reality is that is having a boyfriend embarrassing now is a question born out of a specific cultural moment. We are over-correcting from years of "Relationship Goals" culture that was fake, polished, and ultimately hollow. We’re in the "messy" era now.
Being in a relationship isn't the problem. The "embarrassment" is really just a collective realization that centering our lives around someone else—especially someone who might not even know how to properly season a cast-iron skillet—isn't the only way to live.
Actionable Steps for Navigating Couple Culture Today
If you find yourself feeling self-conscious about your relationship status, or if you're worried about how you're perceived, take these steps:
- Audit your social media consumption. If you're following accounts that make you feel bad for being in love (or bad for being single), hit unfollow. The "de-centering men" movement is great for autonomy, but it shouldn't make you feel like a failure for having a partner.
- Practice "Selective Sharing." Try going one month without posting your partner at all. See how it changes the dynamic of the relationship when there is no "audience."
- Check your "Icks." Sit down and write out if your feelings of embarrassment are coming from outside (what will people think?) or inside (do I actually like this person?).
- Invest in "Solo Play." Spend at least one night a week doing something entirely for yourself, by yourself. This preserves your identity and kills the "cringe" of co-dependency.
At the end of the day, the internet is a vacuum. What feels "embarrassing" on a screen usually feels like a normal, human connection in the real world. Stop worrying about whether your relationship fits the current aesthetic and start worrying about whether it actually makes your life better.