First:
an explanation of banding.No offense, but I don't think the new hair works so well. It loses the silhouette and motion that the original had. The way I interpreted the picture was that she was wheeling around, which is why her arms are like that, and her hair's like it is. The hair implies the line of action in the original, though it could be emphasised and clarified.
The piece still suffers from a lack of form. Pillow shading is still rampant. When shading, try simplifying the subject into very simple 3-dimensional primitives. You have core shadow popping up all over the subject, which breaks any sense of form, flattening it.
Catch the motion in the jacket, hair, earrings, etc. Anything that's going to have inertia. Drawing with a full (though mine is incomplete too) pose is the best way to go, as you can properly define the figure and lines of action. Also note the core shadow running down our right of the figure (which would continue down the legs if I shaded them
).
