Hi! It's good fun to make pixel art of things that inspire you! I have a few ideas you might try.
You have both white outlines and dark outlines around your shapes. I think you only need one, and removing the white outline gives you more pixels to draw your shapes and make them easier to read. It might look "cleaner" as well.
You're using lots of similar shades of some colours, like black/dark grey. The original image uses shades of red, yellow, blue and black that are the same throughout the image. They only change for the highlights: the shine on letters and water. (And they change for the gradient on the text.)
I would try making all blacks the same shade (same for all the other colours) then, when you've finished, just add touches of lighter shades for shine and reflections. Again, it should make things look "cleaner".
In the original, the album title is a lot wider than the glasses. In yours it's a similar width. Because you have so few pixels to work with, the text is difficult to read. You could try making that text wider.
I have some more ideas and edits if any of this is helpful or if you're interested.