I watched The Godfather for the first time yesterday, well the whole thing in one sitting. And In comparisant these characters look a bit like two old men trying to look like italian mobsters. Just look up some pictures of characters of that time for inspiration.. I've made a quick edit of how I'd most likely go about it, didn't atempt the gun because I think it needs a total rethink from a strong resource to get it looking believable. The characters are pretty good I just think it could be better rendered.
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What I tried to acomplish is stronger use of lighting, imagining the light from above and a from the right. Taking too much reality into this could spoil it but I think the small effort gone into giving the characters some more dimention may help you when it comes to shaping. Think about where the light would hit, on the taller guy you've got far too much light seemingly hitting him from all angles making his shirt look plain and flat. I've also tried to make use of your palette and interlaced some of the grey into his face and trousers give texture and mainly on the face to rough him up a bit.. I think you could do with revising your AAing in places bacause this could look so much cleaner on the eyes with some care.
I don't think you should mimic what people suggest in edits with like how they suggest the character to look, because people all have different styles, take in how certain elements could improve what you have and try go one step better than suggested with a style you feel comfortable with. For example my edit may stray from what you'd probably of done so simply do what comes to your mind and remember the points which people mention to improve your skills.
keep at it.
